Reviews for Parted Ways
hellseries chapter 1 . 3/14
These are wonderful. More, please! Your Ragged Lady is particularly chilling.
WynterC chapter 1 . 9/20/2013
Loved it! Very good job:0
Guest chapter 1 . 3/18/2013
positive, I belive then you reflect the feelings of the friends of Harry after his death.
azazels chapter 1 . 2/19/2013
akjgcflakhsdklasjd musah

you did it again

made a perfect story
Norwest chapter 1 . 11/15/2012
Daaaaaaamn. Well-done. I'm using this for inspiration, if you don't mind. ;)
Zarohk Korobase chapter 1 . 10/2/2012
Wow! Amazing. This story really builds up and sets stage, and grows you a new place in your heart just to stab you in, and I think I'm babbling in typing, but this is just so "WOW" emotionally that it's hard to stop thinking. It's like "Idyllic" writ small for the Dresden Files, but with equal emotional impact.
TraballaFriend chapter 1 . 8/15/2012
Chillingly brilliant
sangkar chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
/terribly sorry for this terribly late review, but here it is. i'm not the best critic around, and i am very nitpicky, and a lot of this stuff is just my personal opinion, so.

/oh and i just read the sections you told me to, because everything before that was a bit confusing.

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{His smile slips off the moment he hears her voice, and she keeps talking (keeps sobbing) and he can barely make out the words and the ones he does hear don't make any sense. He's sure he's heard her wrong, but then she says it again, and he's actually hearing it.}
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This, and this is just my personal preference, a bit too beige. In this context. But whatever you do, DON'T change it to purple. That would just turn this into another boring, eyeroll-worthy angstfic.

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{Oh god. Oh god, it's already happened, and she didn't even get to say goodbye.}
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{She'd thought it wouldn't be a shock when you knew it's a matter of when and not if. She'd thought it would all be dread and waiting and finally knowing and hurting, but she didn't think there would be shock. But there is, and there's everything left over from the fight (the war), and people and things dying left and right and she can feel it, and she knows one of them's going to be Harry, has already been Harry, bleeding out and everything light and bright just suddenly being snuffed out-}
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I loved these sections. The sentences were so simple yet effective - something of a rarity in good angstfics.

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{She wails, and the lights flicker on and off, and the machines she's attached to go into overdrive, and it takes three nurses and a sedative to make her stop.}
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Again, this is just a personal preference, but 'she wails' is too beige for my taste.

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{[And yeah, she spends practically every minute wondering how much is an act and how long it it's going to be before it's not one. But forget that, because she was responsible for all this hell and if she can't control the city even a little, she's prepared to die trying.]}
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This is entirely my own opinion once more, but I like using {} better than [] because, you know, it's so pretty. :3

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{She tears herself away from her musing (it's so easy to get lost in thought, so much more comfortable than the reality of her situation), and the shard of glass and her face, to look again at the bodies.}
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I think I'd make it 'musings', instead of 'musing'. Other than that, though, I loved that sentence, especially the bit in the parentheses.

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{She's not scared of blood; far from it.

She's not lost in thought; far from it.}
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I think those two sentences are too similar and too close to each other, personally, but I'm a nitpicky nitpickist, so. :P

Overall, though, very good angst. I like it. The ending was great.

(And I hope you haven't spoiled too much for me, because I am now planning on reading DF.)
CubbyTBear chapter 1 . 7/28/2012
This was brilliant! You got into their heads!
Guest chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
Really well done. I especially liked the time perspectives.
steepedinwords chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
Wow. That was powerful and very well worked out. Brilliantly in character too.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/8/2012
Excellent. Excellent! I particularly enjoyed the insights you showed during the time when Harry was alive. The "Harry teaching grasshopper Molly" was my favorite for sure!
Guest chapter 1 . 7/7/2012
Getting Molly's perspective is great. She is the most. Intesteresting person in ghost stories
Her.Royal.Cheesyness chapter 1 . 6/22/2012
Hey there, Musa. :D

Well. The amount work you did on this fic definitely showed through. It was brilliant as usual. Not that I expect any less of you. :P

That's all I wanted to say, really.

...

...

Kidding. :P

Below is the in-depth review you wanted, nitpickyness included.

I'm going to start at the beginning. Because if I start from the middle or the end the review will become confusing.

I liked the first paragraph, because first it lists scenarios that are not /that/ out of the ordinary. And then comes the line "That one case where the teenager with the mullet had babbled on and on about the tentacle monster in Lake Michigan." I don't know why, but I found this line hilarious. As well as that, this line was the one that cemented this fic as one happening in the DF universe, I felt. Just something completely crazy. And it led into the next paragraph really well, like it was the tipping point for Murphy.

Murphy's quick analysis of Harry and his surroundings was IC, as well as her stareoff, which which shows Murphy's sort of fierceness and need to establish her position, being dominant and in control because she dislikes being thought as the cute, tiny blonde stereotype.

I like the way Harry throws her slightly; he doesn't react quite the way she expects him to. I guess it annoys her slightly, because she's confident about what she should be expecting, but also, implicitly, gives her a bit of hope about the cases. And then...Heh. The bowing was a nice touch that hints as the way their relationship will develop, with Harry's chivalry and Murphy's annoyance at this.

"She [gwaped] (there was no other word for it)" - typo.

In the second section, there was definitely a kiddy tone about it. That's good, considering the character you're writing about. Molly has a childish sense of pleasure, what with enjoying the thought that someone else is bebeing punished. And again, a small touch, this time the reference to Molly being slightly cheeky, which is a hint at her character a while later.

Oh yeah. And also the humour. "Batman". XD. The humour I like.

There is a constrast between the urgency that Harry has and Molly's perspective, which only serves to highlight Molly's innocence at this stage.

Grammar time! "Mom" is a proper noun, because you're using it like a name, and should be capitalised. "Her mom" is not a proper noun, since it's used in a more general way. So this shouldn't be capitalised. Um. I /think/ that's how it works. -nodnod- On this topic, a little critique I have (or maybe it's just me...XD) is that you use both "her mom" and "Mom". Mom is more intimate in a way, since only she herself can refer to her in that way, if you see what I mean? And then you use "her mom", which is more distanced. It just felt the perspective. changed slightly because of this. But seriously, this might just be me.

Third section started off a /little/ weaker than the rest, I think. If it wasn't for the fact that you'd been discussing the fic and the characters inside it, I wouldn't have beem certain at first that this was Thomas's view from the first paragraph.

Anyway. That's just a very small and inconsequential point. It does become clear when you start to read. Harry_Thomas interaction is always welcomed, and I like their banter. :3

The next section was the one I enjoyed the most in terms of humour. Murphy's not deliberately being funny, but the whole situation is just, well, funny. XD I think you really bring out her voice in this section, with her ranting about Harry.

But there's still the sense that they're good friends with her talk with him. I think you could've expanded a bit more on this , though. Mostly because I like tobsee thei interaction, and also because you could develop the dynamic of their relationship further.

Again, insert Harry_Thomas fangirling here. :D It's nice, because it just shows that they're brothers, and they bicker. They sort if remind me of kids. I guess they're making up for bit being together when they were young.

And in a way, I think this is an interesting scene, because, to me, even though Thomas is the older brother, I've always pictured Harry as the more protective one. But mow the roles are kind of reversed and and Thomas is taking on a motherly role. Ish. XD And scolding Harry for moving. Another part of this that is interesting is just how normal they are being, as well as the scene.

Awww. Teenage angst. I think I'm starting to repeat myself too much, but the character interaction is awesome. It's sort of sad seeing such a marked change between little!Molly and this one. :S

It's good how these scenes are quite different from each other, covering different aspects of Harry's life, but they still all retain Harry's character, as well as the different perspectives.

"Calculations, ready by tomorrow. Oh, and I need two working ingredient lists for a potential sleeping potion - You've missed a quotation mark here. :O THE HORROR.

The last two sections were the ones I liked the best. It's just lots of emotion and such a constrast to the slower pace of before, and the seriousness of it all. I think they could've worked as one seperate oneshot, without the first few parts, but I guess the first sections help to bring out the contrast and make everything just more emotional.

I like the techniques you used, like the run-on sentence for Murphy, and how you shift from the previous sections more describing what's happening, while this more pure emotion.

Also. The Justine thing with Thomas. It just shows how much Harry actually means to Thomas in a subtle manner, which is quite clever, and makes thinking back to their previous scene together bittersweet.

Hmm. And I thought comparing the other scene to little!Molly was bad. XD This is just something else. Well. he whole last section is just...a hell of a lot of angst. But written well. So. Like I've said, you just show how much Harry's death has affected them, and how they all push themselves to their limits and carry the blame on themselves and it's just really well-written and tragic and angsty and just stuff.

And that line. That line about Harry's traits like his jokes, and then "blood". It just shows how he isn't there anymore, and before, well, he was.

Last part was generally very hard-hitting and overall this was very well-written and developed and is this review in-depth enough for you?
strangebloke chapter 1 . 6/17/2012
I love these characterizations. Spot-on, and loads of fun. Three people who based their lives around one man: The first time they met him, a defining moment, their reaction to his death, and the aftermath.

Applause.
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