|Reviews for Kurushii na Kokoro|
| roe2 chapter 12 . 1/12
While checking out my folders, I found one containing RikuoTsurara images I've saved about two years ago. I checked out the manga again, and became quite pleased to find out that the two did become endgame. Feeling nostalgic, I checked out fanfictions for these two. Out of everything I've read, I can easily say that yours is the best.
But although really like your story, I must be honest with you:
The first three to four chapters were golden.
The rest? I have lukewarm feelings about them, although the twist at the end was a rather inspired and clever touch.
Nevertheless, I appreciate all the canon moments from the manga you incorporated in this story, as well as the scenes from the drama CD and the light novel (although I haven't been aware of a LN until now.) Your attention to detail is impeccable, and I love how you gave other minor characters the spotlight they deserve. There are some historical accuracies to be noted, but that is to be expected.
My main issue is, surprisingly, Kana. While I heartily approve of your interpretation of her, I did not think she needed to be with Shima in the ending. Or rather, I thought it would have been better to see her as an independent woman who will smooth things over with her parents, who would take responsibility and even IMPRESS Rikuo. (BTW, Rikuo here was wishy-washy in some parts of the story, but I'll get to that later.) I believe the ending she got... sort of trivialized the growth you gave her. My impression as a reader was that she only found someone to become her new knight. Of course, you could argue that their relationship is much healthier than Kana and Rikuo's had been; then again, it was only natural because throughout the story it's been STRONGLY IMPLIED that Rikuo can only see her as a friend.
Anyway, you've written Tsurara here amazingly well, and for that I cannot thank you enough. Her strong sense of responsibility, her loving nature, and her unwavering faith in Rikuo- these are qualities that define Tsurara. I appreciate that you did not just write 'Tsurara is caring' but that you actually SHOWED THROUGH YOUR WRITING. In the end, I was crying, 'Get your man girl!'
But in contrast, Rikuo... only looked cool in the first few chapters. I can understand why he would act the way he would, but it's the girls who had to actually act and that made me think of him as an indecisive man. Maybe if he had tried resisting Tsurara even more, or had actively motivated himself to become closer with Kana becase he feels 'responsible' then maybe I wouldn't feel this way... Again, it's just one reader's side comment so it's no big deal.
There's nothing else to say, really. You've gifted us with a magnificent story. A bit of a grammar errors and typos here and there, but nothing too glaring. Like I said, my only qualm concerned Kana (precious girl who deserved better writing, honestly!) and it is not something that I think would bother any other reader.
ALSO YES YURA MORE YURA BADASS YURA BEST YURA- /whacked
| Marinne Karneval chapter 12 . 1/3
okaay, so I gotta be honest about this story... it killed me. It was BEAUTIFUL! I simply cannot stop loving it! Chapter 11 killed me with the plot twist, I really wasn't expecting that, but that is just what made it awesome thank you so much for this story 3 and I was wondering, are you planning to write a sequel? Is just a question, you don't really have to write one, but if you do, I'll definitely read it :3
| Lyra Salvatori chapter 12 . 12/1/2014
I DONT WANT IT TO END
;w; it was so cute though
I laughed a lot with everyones stories! And you know everything i think by now so...
;_; i shall say bye
AND THAT I LOVE IT
| Lyra Salvatori chapter 11 . 12/1/2014
Im seriously in love with the fact that rikuo's ass got owned by the girls
Seriously you have no idea of how much i love that
The worst part is the fact that is so canon because GOD i can totally see them sneaking behind his back and stealing him all of his glory omfg
GOZUMARU MY POOR BABY WHY IS IT THAT I LOVE TO SEE YOU SUFFER SO MUCH SOMEBODY GIVE HIM A TSURARA PLUSHIE
Btw do you still have the links of the light novels, the spin off and the cd dramas? Because i am PUTRAGED i hadnt even heard from them yet ;_;
And just like before i couldnt help reviewing this chapter even if i swore myself i would review it until the end
I cant though, because this thing is just pure gold for me its by far one of my favorite stories EVER
See you in the next chapter!...;; which is the last and i dont wanna
| Lyra Salvatori chapter 9 . 12/1/2014
The "Tsurara. Entrust me your heart and body" quote was a low, a VERY LOW THING FROM YOU AND YOU HAVE DONE A BUNCH OF THEM IN HERE
I was honestly planning to review again until the final chapter (because im a lazy ass)
BUT HOW DARE YOU PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THAT YOU WRITTING GODDESS
As usual i loved it!
| Lyra Salvatori chapter 8 . 11/30/2014
why did i found this so late oh my god this is flawless... And its two in the morning here, thanks for that!
TT the fandom is so dead now i need moar
Specially a third season
Either way I'm in love with thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssss
| Silver chapter 12 . 4/29/2014
Why do I dislike the author notes? A woeful emotion known as "envy". *cries* I wish I had perked up the courage to review this story earlier! Then I would be included in the thanks! D:
I already gave my thoughts on this chapter, consider it my boredom and possible escape from it by bothering you. Happy May to you too. :)
| Silver chapter 3 . 4/25/2014
I decided to read this chapter yet AGAIN to get an idea of the kind of description you would like (figured I might find them in your fic). Yours are so detailed and I can imagine them so well, thank you very much, that I start thinking there is nothing in the world besides these two characters in respective scenes (you are evil).
Kuroutabou is so dignified even while being surprised over and over. These two felt nice even to a non-shipper.
There may be no point in saying this but Setsura found calling her by her name "suggestive". With Tsurara, it is the opposite :D
Though the last line is quite cruel, honestly. You may not hate Ienaga Kana but this fiction turned me against her along with who knows how many (maybe just me). :)
| Hell Vanguard chapter 2 . 4/14/2014
Me spots a typo. "Ienaga-sama sure has an exquisite taste. As expected ofher." she commented." You need to add a space in of her. :D Hehe, I actually caught a mistake (*claps hands even though it's not a big deal*)
I literally grimaced at the description of Rikuo's injuries *shivers*... that was a little TOO well done.
Hehehe, Kuro saves the day, as expected :D Natsumi, why not tell him to cut those hair of his?
Ne Tsurara, ever slapped Rikuo before? XD
You wrote a great story to be loved by NnM fans, not just shippers...it even caught a non-shipper like me. :P
| divinecriticizer chapter 12 . 4/9/2014
Like I promised, I read your story. I'm gonna put not only candies but also whips in this review of mine. I know it took too much time, and I'm deeply, really, madly sorry for it.
WARNING: before you read this, there might be words that don't bring any sense to the sentence because of autocorrect. To figure out what it meant, look at the closest possible letter in that qwerty pad of yours that maes sense on the sentence.
So here goes the candies.
I've said it before, you kept the characters' attitudes really well! Even the little details of Rikuo being bashful were portrayed splendidly. What really impressed me was how you imagined Mamiru and Yura being in looove with each other. For me, I even wonder how would Mamiru act if he was to say his feelings for Yura (let's say it happened in the anime and in the manga) and impressively, ( I'm sorry, I really can't have better word to describe how heart skipping it was) you actually made my legs flip like I'm swimming in my bed in the middle of the night, supressing my inaudible fangirl screams (more like shrieks) who ships anime characters just because they look perfect for each other! Not only the setting and ambiance you've created for them, but also you've given justice to how he would react despite him having such unemotional, blank almost cold expression. Kana's disposition was the same as the manga or anime, despute having a different role, (though she was always seen as helping Wakana... Like a daughter-in-law) somehow, I like this Kana better, she might be a little, sorry for this... uninteresting without the glaring contest or the childish fire background around her when she sees Oikawa and Nura together. But this Kana that you made was more mature. And personally, I prefer her that way. Another, Kurotabo and Torii. They really made me laugh, (especially Kurotabo) who was exacty portrayed as he was in both anime and manga would be like that? Maybe it was your own interpretation (as we do not know how he would act if he would be in looove in the real thing) but somehow your interpretation of Kurotabou being in love compliments his personality. Disciplined yet tempted, serious yet bashful and a nervous wreck. Fierce yet capable of loving. The settings you've provided for their advances were pretty much simple. But it turned out breathtaking.
The happy ever after part!
A twist is a plot that quickly diverts the plot into another one. Simply put, a twist in a story is a surprise box that either delights or sickens the reader. The plot's pivot, in the simplest of terms.
Surely, you've manifested the the definition of a twist by the use of your story, Kurushii no Kokoro.
Much alike to any readers out there, I'm relieved that everyone of the characters were given a happy ever after. All's well that ends well.
Next will be the million dollar question: How do you create such shipping?
I mean, to make it clear, (that's a bit of redundant) naturally, Tsurara and Rikuo is an official canon, no doubt, the others were only shipped and wished by their fans like Kana and Rikuo, or even... (my deepest apologies.) Gyuuki and Rikuo or Zen and Rikuo. (I know, a little disturbing.) but to ship someone unexpected like Aotabo and Awashima, (this couple really caught me by surprise) Shima and Kana, Saori and Kiyotsugu, Kurotabo and Torii, (I guess you shipped them because of the Shikoku Arc, in Sodemogi and in the manga, where Torii became the female yokai in the train) Gozumaru and Shouei, and even Mamiru and Yura. You're a creative author to see unexpected pairings. After all, stories are better when it's full of surprises. It really did surprise your readers.
I'm curious that if ever, who will you pair up Ryuuji?
And last, will be the combination of the actual story from the manga and anime to your fanfiction. It was just brilliant. Especially that drunken Rikuo. It was, dear... Amusing!
P.S., I love the epilogue. The ending was satisfying. I was actually happy that you enumerated what happened to the other couples. And also to Tsurara and Rikuo. Forgive me for having a semi-lewd brain, but I was actually expecting the foreplay of their first night, as I am not interested of how would they take things after that process, or whoever is at the top and any of the other details. The terms, "the things that he do to her" or something along those lines made my creativity fly to its depths, as I cannot help myself but list the things that he might actually do to her, and it just burst out in an inaudible squeak.
Really P.S.: Thank you for not making too much fluff on the story. I am most gracious.
Let's go to the whips!
I'm sorry to put you in an invisible shackle right now and whip you with my different torture devices (this is figurative, please don't put it in a dirty way.)
So here's the first wave.
You know a lot about Japanese culture. (You're a Brazilian, right?) me being an Asian somehow puts me to an ancient type of torture called shame.
You need do at least briefly define the words you will use in case the reader is not familiar with the culture.
Example: (Just an example.)
She walked into the exquisite bath, familiar steam merging her tired form as she did not mind taking off her *Nagajuban, and just walked straight to the soothing body of water in front of her.
*the traditional underwear used by Japanese people.
Or you can just enumerate the definitions as well as the terms you used above before you start your story.
In simpler terms, just make your story a little friendly to the readers by putting a little here and there descriptions so they can really imagine what really was happening.
Another is that, you really are familiar with the manga as well as the anime. It was kind that you narrated the backstories of the unfamiliar or the characters that have the tendency to be forgotten, but somehow, it was quite too long, because the readers might have too eager what would happen next. So a bit of advice:
Don't put long backstories on the characters.
Example would be the ex-samurai that was now a decoration or deliverer of decorations. You can put a brief one like three sentences or one short paragraph to tell how they end up being indebted to the clan or how they ended up joining the Gumi. But to take half an ordinary ruler or more to narrate such, I guess that's somehow begging for the reader to be bored at the flow of your story.
Your simultaneous scenario to the couples.
It wasn't bad, it was actually like a soap opera by letters. But somehow, it confuses me, or maybe even the other readers; 'when did that thing happen?' so the deal here is that you have to make sure that you are clarifying when did that scenario happened. While putting something clinching like: 'On the other hand', or anything that goes along the line.
Some misspelled words and some grammatical errors. Very minimal, so it's actually unnoticable.
Here’s an example at chapter ten: “… if his suspicious” when I think you meant ‘suspicion’ because of how you used your sentence. If you have other meaning about that, please. I am most happy to be corrected.
Suffering Hearts is one of the fanfiction that I really enjoyed reading. Aside from Dark Angelic Kitty's Maid 167 and Enemies to Couple, the sequel Lovers to Never and the Memories of You and I by Reinedee... Do you know what made your story different?
The scenes made the readers squeal, nervous, sad, pity, relieved, happy. But what made it enjoyable, was there were some realities in life that somehow long forgotten by a lot of people. This story might help them remember.
Thank you, for writing something beautiful.
| Hell Vanguard chapter 3 . 3/31/2014
Long chapter to review late, I should have done this sooner. Okay so first...Kana get a GRIP, and I mean on yourself first before you think about the Wakagashira. Tsurara, why don't you just run? Be a little honest, you are already shockingly strong.
Natsumi... nice speech XD Kurotabou, cheers you got yourself a stream of praises.
I think their part was really well done, that absolutely seems like how it would really happen. :D
| Hell Vanguard chapter 1 . 3/29/2014
Kana is strong-willed, I can see that from the very first chapter that her motive is undeterred by Tsurara. I enjoyed reading her POV and you described Rikuo's growth spurt very nicely. Although I do feel sorry for Saori and Natsumi being reduced to just maids, I thought they would be best friends or something. Oh I think Tsurara, is anything but happy-go-lucky. I am hating Rikuo from all POVs in this chapter D:
| XxThe-Crest-Of-AnubisxX chapter 12 . 3/19/2014
Congrats on the lovely ending Den-chan :)
Well it brought a tears to my eyes thanks to you :P
But anyway nice ending
Although i still wish he end up with Kana :(
Anyway hope to read more of your work and can i request even if a one shot about Kana and Rikuo please...
| Yohime chapter 12 . 3/19/2014
I was typing up my review just now, and it got really disorganized, so I'll be organizing them in points. /nods
All in all, I am very satisfied with the conclusion and I just HAVE to tell you what I loved about this chapter.
1) As usual, you always know how to make full use of the canon RikuTsura scenes and omake! /thumbs up
I really love how you put effort into including them in your fic, and at the same time manage to make them sound natural and not forced.
2) I admit that I don't particularly like Kana in the manga. You're amazing for making me LIKE Kana because of Kurushii na Kokoro. You made her a great character who's not obnoxious and a plain jerk (unlike in other RikuTsura fics, where Kana's only purpose is to be the "bad" person who gets in the way of Rikuo and Tsurara). In this fic, she's a lot more than that, and that's wonderful. Either way, I'm glad that Kana got her own happy ending! In most love triangles, always one has to end up hurt in the end. Sure, Kana was heartbroken because Rikuo couldn't return her feelings, but at least she had Shima to love after that.
3) The fact that Tsurara and Kana actually sat down to talk it out is 1! Shows how mature they are regarding the situation, and because of that they managed to resolve everything properly. I don't like it when there are misunderstandings because two people choose to avoid the subject that makes them upset, which leads to tension and even more unhappiness. I appreciate the fact that Tsurara and Kana are good friends now as well!
4) I couldn't help myself from giggling while reading the chapter (thank god I'm at home or else I'll look like an idiot! I always act like a dork when I'm reading fanfics, I should control myself LOL) I laughed when Kana asked "This is a Yakuza martial fraction member?" because I don't know, it was just hilarious in that situation, and Tsurara's reaction was endearing as well. It was especially hilarious how the house was so chaotic and everyone's secrets were getting discovered!
5) I loved the idea of comparing the Nura brides with the seasons! And that 'Nura Tsurara' at the end... So adorable! /faints
6) Lastly, more of my thoughts regarding the conclusion. I think that was a nice way to wrap up the whole story, and I felt very warm while reading the last few paragraphs. (Be proud of yourself because you managed to make me feel such emotions!)
I'm sorry it took me a while to review. When I read your comments I wanted to hug you! You just love Kurushii na Kokoro and appreciate your readers so much! It's so cute. It might take a while, but I hope I will still get to read your stories. Until then, I will be following you on tumblr, haha!
| Hell Vanguard chapter 12 . 3/15/2014
This story is fantastic! A really perfected piece I must say. Although there were some parts I did not like reading but then I am not a shipper. Favorite chapter was the last chapter and the Epilogue feels so complete and all the pairings are given decent amount of time. I really enjoyed reading this... and very angry at you for giving up all writing on this fandom XP