Reviews for Uplifted
MagyarEagle chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
Good God, this was an action packed chapter. A couple of spelling errors that were more noticeable than usual (bu8t, o9fficer), but more than made up for in the intense action of this chapter. The trap was finally sprung and we got to see all hell break loose in the compound. The first scene was a nice one, though the opening with a look into both Hanala's protective side toward Hoch, and her grouchiness at Skorzeny. Though given her comment about it cutting into her alone time with Hoch, it seems to me like Hanala getting a little bored not having a command of her own.

Skorzeny not liking the Quarians is not a surprise, he may have been one of the most skilled soldiers of the war, but also was intolerant of any he viewed as outsiders. Brilliant, brutal, frighteningly intelligent, and intolerant, he is the epitomy of the most conservative elements within the Reich. I like how you managed to show that he had a human side, with his plea to Churchill, and his disdain for the Gestapo man. He wouldn't want the large scale rounding up of those he sees as countrymen. In many ways he and Churchill were two sides of the same coin, if their births had been switched, we still would have ended up with a similar dynamic.

Langers response about the last time he saw combat puzzled me a bit. Given that in the previous chapter, Lene's conversation implied that Langer had taken part of the invasion of France. I am assuming that Skorzeny's question refers to front line combat as opposed to being a staff officer?

Reading this chapter showed how far Hoch has come along, from the cold officer with nothing to live for, that we saw at the beginning of the story to someone who, while no less brutal, is less reckless, having found someone to live for, and someone who has a sight of his own future. The second scene with Hoch and Hanala falling into a pattern similar to an old couple was wonderful, as was the mental image of Hanala once again donning the uniform of the SS. Hoch might need to get some extra uniforms since Hanala seems to have a tendancy to appropriate his :)

The entire ambush was a masterfully written example of tension, you captured the rapid fire brutality of combat, and Churchill's strapping the Gestapo agent to the truck was very in character of him. Churchill always had a knack for being over the top. He's one of those examples of people, who if you wrote them as purely fictional would be considered Gary Stu's. Which makes his real life accomplishments all the more amazing.

Shepard's death caught me off guard, as was seeing him dispatch the quarians with such ease. From the first chapter though, I would have thought the quarians had shields? Hoch's restraining Hanala when they encountered him played into Hoch being the voice of logic in combat situations, if we are playing the Hoch and Hanala dynamic along the analogy of Hanala as Kirk, that Hoch is more of the Spock, tending to be the logical side of the pair.

Still having Shepard fall at the hands of Admiral Zorah was surprising, though I really don't think his dying curse will come true, 200 years is a very long time for revenge, especially when real life wartime feuds don't last beyond the end of the war, or the death of the first generation. People's families grieve, move on, and often marry into families from the other side of the war, including those who do specific harm to a family. There are a couple of good journal articles on this.
That, and the fact that there really is no way of knowing who killed Shepard from an outside perspective. The most they might end up finding out is that he was killed by a quarian, and even that is unlikely. There is no way for Chuchill to discover the specifics and he's the only survivor her.

The final confrontation between Churchill and Skorzeny was suitably epic, with each playing their own strengths. I did laugh out loud when Skorzeny's first though at seeing the woman's clothing was not that Hoch was keeping a secret mistress, but that he was a homosexual. There certainly is no love lost between the two men.

Can't wait for final chapter of this amazing story!
valarshran01 chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
Ooh, Captain Hanala Kirk (I mean Jarva) really is going to boldy go, or in this case boldy do, what no quarian has done before ;) This chapter was tense and exciting. I was surprised Shepard died, but he really was nothing like the Shepard we know and love. I was expecting him to be captured and for chuchill to escape. It was funny that when Skorzeny saw the womans clothing in Hoch's room, his first question was whether Hoch was gay. I laughed. Good job, and I hope Shepards curse doesn't come true. Btw, so Zorah removed his mask, becoming the 4th quarian to do so. Btw, didn't the other quarians have shields?
MagyarEagle chapter 14 . 8/21/2012
Oops! Is there any way to delete the other copy of this review? I just realized that I accidentally posted my review from my little brother's account! Sorry about that!

Sorry about not reviewing this earlier, had an insanely hectic week. The opening scene, filling in the intervening week was nicely done. "Acting like teenagers despite the two of them having a combined body count that put many in the war to shame". Seeing his desire for a real relationship with Hanala gave us an interesting insight into the way he viewed what he had with Hanala. Damn, he's falling hard. Quick note though, the sentence "Joachim nearly dropped the Panzer Commander without a Panzer to command" should read "Joachim /had/ nearly dropped the Panzer Commander without a Panzer to command". The lack of a "had" in the sentence makes for an incorrect tense.

The scene with his reaction to his mother's death was extremely well done. You somehow managed to capture that sense of time stopping and unreality that is experienced when someone is confronted with the death of a loved one, and the fact that he thinks that Hanala and Langer would think less of him for showing grief is telling. It also shows just how traumatized he is, which is clearly shown in the next scene. I think the fact that Hoch compares himself to the brothers he never knew shows how harsh he tends to on himself. It's interesting to note, because at the beginning of the story, in the first few chapters, I got the sense of Hoch as someone who'd buried all emotion behind a veneer of absolute professionalism, the sort who would find his end on a battlefield simply because he had nothing else to live for. And this chapter reinforces that impression.
We also get a glimpse of him growing up, his constant rebellion against his father, against authority, against anything and everything. Yet at the same time, we see that there is fundamental spark of decency and caring that his father, for all his attempts to do so, could not wipe out. Hoch was trying give his mother an example, trying to give her a respite from her own beatings. This is also probably the root of his bitterness towards her, and their eventual estrangement.

It is also a telling that place he went to for his grief was not his quarters, but to Langer's office. In moments of intense grief people will instinctively seek out the place that makes them feel the most safe, even if they are not aware of it. The fact that he goes to Langer's office, even if he is afraid of showing his anguish in person is indicative of the depth of their friendship.
It is an interesting sign as well that despite having drunk most of a bottle of scotch and drowning in the depths of grief, his first though is still of worry for Hanala when he breaks the glass. I think that Hanala gives him a reason to keep on going, a raison d'etre so to speak, making him think of more than just duty, but of the future as well. Heaven help anyone who tries to get in the way of that.

Another sign of how close Hoch is to Langer's family is the fact that he decides to call Lene over to the museum, in order to have her help pick clothing for Hanala. It's not surprising that in his time of emotional vulnerability, he chooses to surround himself with the closest equivalent to family he has. It was surprising that Lene did not show any reaction to seeing a nonhuman, either she is the epitomy of calm, or she somehow managed to finagle the reality of it out of Langer earlier. I'm guessing the latter, especially given Langer's comment in the previous chapter of her not shutting up. Still seeing the interaction between her and Hanala was interesting, and her commentary about getting Hoch and her husband to pillage clothing from the french along with her comment that "I would kill Gerald to have that hourglass frame" was hilarious and spot on. I hope she gets some more screentime.
It would be interesting to have Lene as a point of comparison between Hanala and a human woman. The again, the image of Langer as a pack mule made it so that I couldn't stop chuckling for a good 5 minutes

I absolutely loved the scene with Langer, it really did put me in the mind of Garrus and Shepard at their best. Langer is the closest Hoch has to a father, but at the same time his relationship with Langer is more one of equals than a traditional father/son relationship. Something of a combination of the relationship Shepard had with Anderson and Garrus. Hoch's thought about how Langer was the closest he had to a father put into new light his initial attempt to get Hoch hitched to his daughter, perhaps hoping to formalize how he felt toward Hoch. Langer's commentary is needed to keep Hoch tied to Humanity. I think it's great that Hoch has a friend like that, as it helps tie him to his humanity, and something for the Jarva's to contrast. The image of the Jarva's meeting the Langers, is making me laugh out loud already (though that could be the fact that part of me is imagining it as something along the lines of meet the fokkers).

"My daughter rejects you for a heer grunt, so you taste test the quarian?!" This was another brilliant line in the chapter. "Taste test" is so crude and descriptive, and has so many levels of suggestiveness in it that it is truly perfect. Langer's main reaction of amusement coupled with further digs at Hoch was truly enjoyable to see. Including his dig at asking Hoch "Is this your first woman?" followed by him breaking Hoch down with a single look. That and the fact that the two of them were gossiping like a pair of schoolboys about Hanala's breasts, really brought to mind the banter between Shepard and Garrus. I think the description of him in the poll as "Nazi Garrus" is brilliant, and sums up the character perfectly.

The final scene of the chapter than I want to mention is the scene where Hanala comforts Hoch. It was a wonderful moment of intimacy in this story, showing her a side of Hoch that she hadn't really had to confront before, along with a promise to be there with him regardless. I love how over the course of this story we got to see distrust bloom to attraction and ultimately into a commitment. It is wonderfully done with a nice and gradual buildup as opposed to most stories "me man, you woman, let's fuck" attitude. Of course at this point I wish they finally would, but that's another story lol XD

Very happy that you've decided to make a series out of this, and am looking forward to chapter 16. I'll formally review 15 next time I take a break from grading papers.
Btw congrats on 30,000 hits!

P.S. It's interesting to note that the poll results so far seem to relate to how much screentime each character has had, which is a testament to how outstanding your cast is.
voodun01 chapter 14 . 8/21/2012
Sorry about not reviewing this earlier, had an insanely hectic week. The opening scene, filling in the intervening week was nicely done. "Acting like teenagers despite the two of them having a combined body count that put many in the war to shame". Seeing his desire for a real relationship with Hanala gave us an interesting insight into the way he viewed what he had with Hanala. Damn, he's falling hard. Quick note though, the sentence "Joachim nearly dropped the Panzer Commander without a Panzer to command" should read "Joachim /had/ nearly dropped the Panzer Commander without a Panzer to command". The lack of a "had" in the sentence makes for an incorrect tense.

The scene with his reaction to his mother's death was extremely well done. You somehow managed to capture that sense of time stopping and unreality that is experienced when someone is confronted with the death of a loved one, and the fact that he thinks that Hanala and Langer would think less of him for showing grief is telling. It also shows just how traumatized he is, which is clearly shown in the next scene. I think the fact that Hoch compares himself to the brothers he never knew shows how harsh he tends to on himself. It's interesting to note, because at the beginning of the story, in the first few chapters, I got the sense of Hoch as someone who'd buried all emotion behind a veneer of absolute professionalism, the sort who would find his end on a battlefield simply because he had nothing else to live for. And this chapter reinforces that impression.
We also get a glimpse of him growing up, his constant rebellion against his father, against authority, against anything and everything. Yet at the same time, we see that there is fundamental spark of decency and caring that his father, for all his attempts to do so, could not wipe out. Hoch was trying give his mother an example, trying to give her a respite from her own beatings. This is also probably the root of his bitterness towards her, and their eventual estrangement.

It is also a telling that place he went to for his grief was not his quarters, but to Langer's office. In moments of intense grief people will instinctively seek out the place that makes them feel the most safe, even if they are not aware of it. The fact that he goes to Langer's office, even if he is afraid of showing his anguish in person is indicative of the depth of their friendship.
It is an interesting sign as well that despite having drunk most of a bottle of scotch and drowning in the depths of grief, his first though is still of worry for Hanala when he breaks the glass. I think that Hanala gives him a reason to keep on going, a raison d'etre so to speak, making him think of more than just duty, but of the future as well. Heaven help anyone who tries to get in the way of that.

Another sign of how close Hoch is to Langer's family is the fact that he decides to call Lene over to the museum, in order to have her help pick clothing for Hanala. It's not surprising that in his time of emotional vulnerability, he chooses to surround himself with the closest equivalent to family he has. It was surprising that Lene did not show any reaction to seeing a nonhuman, either she is the epitomy of calm, or she somehow managed to finagle the reality of it out of Langer earlier. I'm guessing the latter, especially given Langer's comment in the previous chapter of her not shutting up. Still seeing the interaction between her and Hanala was interesting, and her commentary about getting Hoch and her husband to pillage clothing from the french along with her comment that "I would kill Gerald to have that hourglass frame" was hilarious and spot on. I hope she gets some more screentime.
It would be interesting to have Lene as a point of comparison between Hanala and a human woman. The again, the image of Langer as a pack mule made it so that I couldn't stop chuckling for a good 5 minutes

I absolutely loved the scene with Langer, it really did put me in the mind of Garrus and Shepard at their best. Langer is the closest Hoch has to a father, but at the same time his relationship with Langer is more one of equals than a traditional father/son relationship. Something of a combination of the relationship Shepard had with Anderson and Garrus. Hoch's thought about how Langer was the closest he had to a father put into new light his initial attempt to get Hoch hitched to his daughter, perhaps hoping to formalize how he felt toward Hoch. Langer's commentary is needed to keep Hoch tied to Humanity. I think it's great that Hoch has a friend like that, as it helps tie him to his humanity, and something for the Jarva's to contrast. The image of the Jarva's meeting the Langers, is making me laugh out loud already (though that could be the fact that part of me is imagining it as something along the lines of meet the fokkers).

"My daughter rejects you for a heer grunt, so you taste test the quarian?!" This was another brilliant line in the chapter. "Taste test" is so crude and descriptive, and has so many levels of suggestiveness in it that it is truly perfect. Langer's main reaction of amusement coupled with further digs at Hoch was truly enjoyable to see. Including his dig at asking Hoch "Is this your first woman?" followed by him breaking Hoch down with a single look. That and the fact that the two of them were gossiping like a pair of schoolboys about Hanala's breasts, really brought to mind the banter between Shepard and Garrus. I think the description of him in the poll as "Nazi Garrus" is brilliant, and sums up the character perfectly.

The final scene of the chapter than I want to mention is the scene where Hanala comforts Hoch. It was a wonderful moment of intimacy in this story, showing her a side of Hoch that she hadn't really had to confront before, along with a promise to be there with him regardless. I love how over the course of this story we got to see distrust bloom to attraction and ultimately into a commitment. It is wonderfully done with a nice and gradual buildup as opposed to most stories "me man, you woman, let's fuck" attitude. Of course at this point I wish they finally would, but that's another story lol XD

Very happy that you've decided to make a series out of this, and am looking forward to chapter 16. I'll formally review 15 next time I take a break from grading papers.
Btw congrats on 30,000 hits!

P.S. It's interesting to note that the poll results so far seem to relate to how much screentime each character has had, which is a testament to how outstanding your cast is.
Anonymous chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
Those fuckin Nazis better not win
Rise Against713 chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
Well tat sure set things up for some interesting future encounters. Not sure how exactly the Shepards will learn of Lachlan's death by the hand of a Zorah but I like it none the less.
voodun01 chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
I am going to review this entire fic, since giving a chapter by chapter review would be boring for you. This fic is really well done. I like that you are not afraid to be politically incorrect, and I like all of the characters. As for the poll, could you make it so we can vote for our top 2? Since I obviously want to vote Hanala as my top, but would love to see more bromance between langer and hoch. maybe make a separate poll for favorite side character? Since some of those characters barely got any screentime. Btw yuor OC's are awesome. I hope shepards curse doesnt come true though i dont see how it could, since even churchill doesnt know. sweet job!
Cant wait for next part of series!
voodun01 chapter 1 . 8/21/2012
Very good start to the story. I am curious to where this will go.
Artyom chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
As weird as this is to say, I reeeaaally hated the brits in this chapter. People are saying Churchill is a badass? More like bloodthirsty asshole. Sriously, he seems like another Gary Stu, with too many ablilities, who is ridiculously overhuped, and is way to full of himself. Historically, he might have neen a cool guy, but in this story? He is a shitty charachter. I like most of your Nazis more as people. At least they TRIED to resolve the situation peacefully.
Mr. Eclipse chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
Zorah killed Shepard! Yeah, THAT'S not going to come back later and bite some people in the butt. Bravo, man. Bravo!
Taalar chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
Fun stuff! I will check out the poll.
Anonymous chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
why the hell are the Nazis winning?
OMAC001 chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
Please update this story soon. It is really good.
Whatshisface v.2 chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
Hm. So...It's a renegade Shepard we're dealing with here. I feel nothing. :I

Mad Jack certainly put up a fight! God I can just imagine him giggling madly chasing Skorzeny down the halls with a bow and arrow...Beautiful...

Right. Well. I'd say the raid went FUBAR quite nicely. I guess it's time for Jack to say...

*flips on aviators*

...Goodbye Dolly Grey.

YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!
MechaFan chapter 15 . 8/21/2012
Excellent chapter as usual. I was surprised by Shepards death, but it made sense in the context. Despite a similar name, he really was nothing like the shepard we know and love. Which is understandable, given he was the great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather of the shepard we know and love. I don't think his curse will come true since noone knows outside of Zorah. Loved seeing hanala here. and can't wait for the epilogue of this story!
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