|Reviews for Playing Pawns|
| stagewriter chapter 8 . 6/17/2012
This is really great!
| Anla'shok chapter 9 . 6/17/2012
A pretty decent read.
There is one minor mistake: canon Atala is said to be in her mid-twenties. That means, even if Katniss isn't a very good judge of age, Atala's under twenty for the 63rd games. A little young for Head trainer...
Why I said "pretty decent": it's not hard to read (grammar and style are good) and it's interesting enough I didn't stop reading.
Why I'm not calling it "very good": the main character isn't really fleshed out, it's hard to really feel for her.
There isn't much interaction between tributes, or between people. Very little dialog. It contributes to the 2D feeling.
What really bothers me is that you're telling us what everyone is doing instead of showing us.
It's the whole: "they're talking" or "she is strong and knows how to throw axes" business instead of
"*insert dialog here*" or "the ax sailed through the air and hit the 15 yards away dummy so hard it took the combined efforts of three avoxes to put the weapon back on the rack."
It's the difference between been told what is happening or actually seeing it happen as if we were there. Sometimes, telling is better, because it avoids pages of filler stuff. But showing is more fun and compelling to read.
Otherwise your plot ideas are very good.