|Reviews for Behind the Mask|
| Zinnia99 chapter 1 . 7/2/2014
I am familiar with the kingdom, and the ending surprised me very much. I would have never pictured Bumi being Amon, but you make it work very well.
This has a very different take on Amon, which makes it even more interesting. Most people see Amon as an evil man who wants to have revenge on benders for equality. This has a more personal touch with Bumi, the previous Avatar's son, being the leader of the Equalists.
There is nothing that I can correct you on, which means your story is very well-written. The descriptions in the beginning of the story when Amon enters the room are very effective, and visualize the scene in my mind. The ending describing why Bumi is the way he is makes this even better. It shows us his loneliness in the family being the only nonbender.
This also shows Bumi in a different light. If the reader is familiar with the kingdom, they would know Bumi as fun-loving, goofy, and happy. If the reader isn't as familiar with this kingdom, you have a very mad, hurt, and spiteful character. I personally loved the change in character because it is so different from how I know Bumi, and makes it more interesting for me as a reader.
I loved this story, and it was very nice to read.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 1 . 2/18/2014
I really liked this fic, mainly because I didn't see the ending coming, but it still fits really well.
[The door opened softly and then shut behind a cloak]
I find the detail about the cloak oddly placed.
[The room entered]
I think "entered" is redundant.
I like the level of detail for the room: I can visualize it easily, but you don't waste words.
I also like the concise summary of Amon's motivations.
[the Chakra in the body that calmed the spirit or could induce…]
I don't think you need to specify "in the body," and I found it a little strange that you used "could" on the second side of the "or" but not the first. If “could” is there, I usually see “could x or could y” or “could x or y.”
[he was not removing the powers as he dreamed of, but a person in fear would believe anything]
I didn't find this consistent with the canon before episode 8. Zolt clearly didn’t think losing his bending was possible, so I don’t think he would have lost his bending from fear alone.
[His face was smooth, untouched by fire]
[His sister and brother had received the power… Not sufficient to stand with the rest of the gifted members.]
Awesome. You give the right amount of detail to make me suspect your answer, but still be surprised when it's explicitly revealed.
[His sister, Kya]
Hang on, need to pick my jaw up off the floor.
Yeah, that fits. It fits REALLY well.
[but not inhabitable]
This was a bit confusing. Inhabitable means habitable.
[This was the complete opposite Avatar Aang and Fire Lord Zuko had meant it to be]
I think there's supposed to be an "of what" between "opposite" and "Avatar."
Should have a possessive apostrophe.
But these are minor. They didn't disrupt the first read-through, and I definitely enjoyed the story.
| Username-not-taken chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
Wow. The sudden realization that you were talking about Bumi was shocking. I heard some people suspected him, but I've never really considered it. I love your take on who was behind the Amon mask.
My favourite line in this fic is definitely "If only the previous Avatar could see him now." I feel that was such a powerful line to describe his feelings of betrayal and I love the way that you portrayed the burn as a metaphoric thing, instead of a physical.
The grammar is fine. I do, however, feel that you could have expanded on several parts of the story. You only briefly addressed a few topics that i feel, if expanded, would make the story even better than it already is. A good job, overall.
| SkywardDiamond chapter 1 . 9/10/2012
This is one of those shows that everyone's watched but me... Although I'm somewhat familiar with Airbender.
I love this idea of the 'benders' becoming this elite group, and nonbenders are just screwed.
Aang's son? Jeez, I really need to get caught up here...
Your oneshot has convinced me to finally do what I shoulda done a while ago - watch the show. It's way too awesome sounding, especially after reading this. Very nice, I liked this!
"Nonbenders were always the outcasts, forgotten in the wake of those more superior. His sister and brother had received the power and were delighted in. He was cast to the side, like a door mat, not superior enough to be a part of the family. Not sufficient to stand with the rest of the gifted members."
Well, I can see where the anger is coming from...
| The Bitter Kitten chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
I liked this.
I'm only barely familiar with A:TLA but you managed to explain things enough I wasn't confused.
I think the only thing you could improve on is give us a little more- if you could give an example that Amon saw or experienced of benders being shown preference outside of his family- that was a nice touch near the end, but if you could go into a little more emotional detail, that might help bring it home further.
Over all, though, well done.
| darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 9/7/2012
Oh, this was a nice recap of Korra and the story behind Amon. And yes, I agree. We want more Korra! But that aside, this is the very first Korra story I've read. Don't know why I haven't checked the fandom out before. But I really loved this. it was very well-written. I didn't notice any errors in this, so that's good. I love your Korra voice...it seems to be very in character for her. I think you should do more Korra soon. -nods- Great job! :)
| MangoRamune chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
That would have been a pretty awesome twist if it had worked out like that.
Very smooth writing, and the resentment is well conveyed. Great one-shot
| P2tbAnimeGirl chapter 1 . 8/29/2012
I have no idea how this doesn’t have more reviews and favorites! A creative and wonderful idea! Fantastically written!
| Aquamarinelightnight chapter 1 . 6/17/2012
Oh my god I love t. Such an unexpected take!