"Although turning him back halfway, resulting in a tiger catgirl with fluffy wings, was an… interesting thought, hybrids like that weren't fertile, and there would go Sasuke's plan to breed Naruto and Hinata to create the seed stock for a clan bloodline specializing in Niceness no Jutsu."

/WTF, this Sasuke is dangerously genre-savvy. XD

"Screw the Uchiha, he thought, not for the first time."

/Heh, he always wants the entire Team 7. If he doesn't, you're probably writing your fic wrong.

"It was because shortly after Hinata won, the bouncing would stop."

/What a bittersweet victory.

/The Aburame thing was creepy/awesome/cool.

"Gift-wrapped."

/ XD

/I just realized that most fics with child-rearing proto-shinobi usually have the main character as Naruto, Naruko, or a self-insert. This one's got Sasuke. XD

/Yay for hetero-male-Haku!

"He really shouldn't be enjoying watching children injure each other. And yet he was. Sarutobi knew he should be resisting this, that way lay the Mist side of the Chakra, but he consoled himself with the knowledge that seeing them beat the crap out of each other was making it easier to resist killing them all."

/I laughed during almost his entire monolgue, but this reference was very funny.

/I like your explanation for why Naruto froze the first time. He really is one of the most traumatized kid ninja.

"I'm going to put these earplugs in so I don't hear your screams and can catch up on my sleep, and you? Are going to spend the next seventy-two hours watching Barney."

/That's way too fucked up. Most evil Sasuke ever. XD

/The only thing worse would be the Tele- No, I will not mention them! That might summon them!

"The principal wants him to teach the truant officers child-grabbing classes," Naruto told Kakashi, "but of course he said no." Sasuke was a true friend.

Sasuke scowled at the memory. Child-grabbing: could they have made it sound any more wrong?

/Heh, the principal must secretly be on pranksters' side to self-sabotage like that.

/Yeah, some writers just don't think everything through when trying to make a badass character. It's kinda amazing how they can have one aspect of their story developed really well, and another part so neglected. You can fake a love for ramen, but most fics do it "wrong," and it's just plain unlikely.

/This is cute.

/Sasuke wanting a female Naruto due to his awesomeness is always fun and funny to see. I know it's not canon, but it's also funny to think that the reason for his angst in the main storyline is because Naruto isn't a girl. XD

/There was one fic I read where Naruto actually was a girl. Sasuke was so smug when he found out. When someone(I think it was Sakura) asked why, he said something like "because this means I'm not gay." XD

/Also funny, is that many people consider Sakura to be a less cool female version of Naruto. Now Naruto isn't considered cool originally, but that's only because of the kyubi haters. Without them he'd be at least as cool as Kiba, and Kiba's only cool because of Akamaru.

/So Sasuke is broody mcbroody-duckbutthead-pants, then boom, he meets Naruto. So friendly rivals. Despite Naruto being obnoxious as fux, he is one of the few people Sasuke can stand. Naruto then develops the rule 63 jutsu, and now Sasuke's mind went into territory it never would have gone. Now he's tortured by something that will never be. Stupid sexy dobe. This culminates in him defecting to Orochi-pedo so that he can learn the body switch jutsu, so that he can put Naruto into a female body. He kills Itachi, finds out the truth, and goes ultimate emo. He can't forgive the village that his desired love-partner loves. Cue more angst. Sakura becomes slightly less screechy, so he settles for diet Naruto-lite, and knocks her up. Naruto becomes Hokage and gets Tig ol Bitties Hyuuga, Sakura's less of a bitch, and Sasuke makes peace with his slight homoerotic tendencies.

/During his time with Orochi-pedo, he considered just going full-gay for Naruto, hence the questionable wardrobe he had during the time and wanting to learn Orochimaru's "techniques." When Naruto and team track Orochi's base, he realizes that Naruto will never see him as more than a friend(and Sakura is kinda hot now), so he kills the pedo and returns to his original goal.(Plus, they replaced him with his stunt-double, Sai. The assholes). Once he finds out that Danzo was behind that, as well as the massacre, his fate is sealed.

/I think the artificial insertion of homoeroticism in most fan fic is stupid, but this is a series where some of that confusion was intended for comedy(a la the push/first kiss scene). Plus, their relationship is not focused solely on being enemies, so it's sorta plausible. Still glad it's not canon.

more please.

Ah, Sakura-chan, I commiserate with your woes. Just remember, styling choices in the shirts can create optical illusions and if there's a good enough bra under it you don't need the shirt itself to be so structural. The right cut and accent can create the appearance of a bust or larger bust, and should be available even in ninja-grade materials.

Wait... did Orochimaru just plan to cut off Konoha's influx of new blood into the ninja-force? As in, did he actually come up with an interesting kind of logically sound plan to destroy Konoha without relying on another Village to do the heavy lifting for him? Holy shit.

It's obviously a plan doomed to failure, since Naruto is Naruto and is bullshit-protected from basically all legal retaliation, but still. Impressive.

Okay, so this is hilarious! I love Sasuke's attitude and the interactions between the characters. This is a near perfect fanfiction.
In fact, I only have one little suggestion that could make this even better than it already is. So, the Uchibi kids are obviously very important to this fanfiction, right? They're in the title, and are Sasukes main motivation. The shaved ice is creative and funny, as are the mock wars. But for characters so crucial to the story, we don't actually know them.
They are a faceless mass and while events like their run-in with the sand siblings and the recreation of halloween do flesh them out a little, its hard to care about them and form emotional attachments to them because its so vague. While it does mention some of the kids by name, it's normally brief and doesn't tell us much about the character themselves.
I recommend using one or two uchibi kids to represent the rest of them, to start including these two kids more often so your audience forms a solid bond with the kids, and by extension, this fanfic.

Isn’t Naruto techinatly a Sexy-Jutsu Master beacause most people he fights and or talks to always changed for the better and became his friend in canon, plus he has his oiroke no Jutsu and other perverted tatics

Just imagine what the Uchibi could do if they revised that Naruto was basically a Sexy-Jutsu Master