|Reviews for My Fire|
| HanLaw0086 chapter 3 . 4/14
Kelly mentioned Ari so what's up with that
Hope to find
Out in future chapters
| Matt Bigham chapter 20 . 1/21
All of them
| avidreader28 chapter 19 . 12/26/2014
| Netchka3 chapter 22 . 12/16/2014
More please! More please! I really really really wanna read more please! Very cool story.
| bao-earthdragon chapter 19 . 12/2/2014
Why are you asking if Harry should have magic? I'm a bit confused You already showed throughout the story, that he does have this power :)
Aside from that and to again talk about any apparent mistakes in the story-logic, I will now vote for the children with magic ;)
Harry is clear,
Ziva would be a good addition,
just like Kelly.
The others just wouldn't fit in a world of magic with their future personallities...
Abby wouldn't be a person of science anymore, McGee is the same, DiNozzo... he would abuse his power to much, if he continues like you painted his character...
For school... Salem.
| bao-earthdragon chapter 15 . 12/2/2014
You're expaining some points I was asking myself before... But why the hell was this neccessary?
| bao-earthdragon chapter 13 . 12/2/2014
Okay... I have to ask... How old are you? Your entire writingstyle seems strange to me... Maybe its because I am in my mid-twenties, but that's not really a satisfactory explanation to me. I can understand why you are writing the kids like that... they are really young... Even if I don't understand why you involve the entire future NCIS-team in Kellies schooltime.
But the rest? Not only do you use a first-person-view, but also the present. Normally story-telling is done by using the past.
And then there is the fact, that all of this seems a bit flat at the moment as long as you are involving Remus and Minerva...
| bao-earthdragon chapter 11 . 12/2/2014
Km... thats a strange direction you're taking... Neither bad nor really good at the moment... but I'm happy that you're giving your characters more depth and a believable background-story.
| bao-earthdragon chapter 5 . 12/2/2014
You are making Tony not only out to be a bully, but to be a dumb bully... Are you serious? He may not always be nice or a good man, but never he would beat up somebody without any reason... You really should look into the original characters... at the moment this story is not going into a favourable direction...
I hope this will get better :)
| bao-earthdragon chapter 4 . 12/2/2014
You are destroying the entire original NCIS timeline
Also your characterization at the moment is not really realistic... You should either study the origanals better or try to be more imaginative how you're presenting them with your own quirks... Tony, just a bully because he has money? And why are Ziva ande the Davids in america...
Is this explained in later chapters? :)
Furthermore, Ziva and Kate do have sisters each... So there would be three children in the david-family and four in the Todd-McGee-family.
| bao-earthdragon chapter 3 . 12/2/2014
You really should rate this fiction M because of the torturing of a little child in the first chapters. Your are using fanon-plot lines of massivly abusing him. None of that is reality... He isn't loved and yes, he is abused, but not to this extand. Thats a bit unrealistic if you think about it. There always will be authorities included at some point, because someone will notice abuse to this extand, and do something about it.
And this will happan not only after a move to america...
Be it as it is, this fiction has a few weak-points as of now, but I don't know about the rest. Therefore I will hold back my final judgement.
But please set the rating higher. There are children out there who can read this in good trust and think that it is a teenaged story if they see the T... The rating is not just for show.
| SuperVegitoFAN chapter 4 . 10/27/2014
Is it sad i can see tony as a rich brat
So far its only namecalling but it coukd be worse
| Geistervogel chapter 22 . 8/23/2014
like your story so far hope you'll keep going.
| god of all chapter 22 . 7/2/2014
Great chapter and story so far please continue this story soon
| NabikiB chapter 1 . 7/1/2014
I'm assuming you're an American like me...because to the best of my knowledge, the average citizen in the Old Country don't have guns in almost every household like we do. Highly unlikely Vernon would have a firearm.