|Reviews for Turning Tides|
| Vieltrien chapter 6 . 9/24/2013
A really good story and and great plot, please update more
| Rachel chapter 5 . 3/7/2013
If you do nothing else in life, Daniel, finish this story. It's awesome.
| Me chapter 1 . 2/23/2013
ya best du it qick
JK I like the story alot.
Q: More drama?
A: Yes please!
| owlsrawsome chapter 3 . 9/2/2012
hi, anyway I love it! It surprised me how much I liked it. I normally don't read multi-chapter stories till they're farther along then this. anyway, you should update and soon please.
| Daft Prince chapter 3 . 8/7/2012
"...whether they oil the war machines or feed them."
I see what you did there :)
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/29/2012
OOOHHH THIS GON BE GOOD. It's interesting because they didn't go to the Leviathan.
| SecretKeeper1095 chapter 2 . 6/30/2012
I'll start this with a disclaimer: I'm no professional writer, just someone who plays around with fanfic. That being said, I have a couple of... suggestions, I guess.
Now, I'm one to read practically ANYTHING related to Leviathan, but the first chapter was very difficult for me to read. I think you probably deterred a lot of readers because the first chapter reads like a history textbook, despite the AU aspects. It was a lot to process at once. I understand that you were setting up the scene for the story, but the first chapter is the most important chapter in a story. You have to get readers interested immediately, else they won't continue reading the story. I highly recommend changing the first chapter, just for the sake of the rest of the story. It doesn't matter how amazing your later chapters are, no one will read it if they aren't interested in chapter one. You could even make chapter 2 come before chapter 1, that way there's some action and dialogue first off.
I would break up the information in chapter 1, and spread it out in several chapters. Tell the information in different ways: a character could have a flashback, remembering some of the events; you could have a dialogue where they reference the military/political situation; and some of it can be an internal monologue. However, PERSONALIZE the information. Each character is biased in some way- make that come out in how you reveal the information. Have the characters give their own comments and opinions about the happenings (especially in internal monologues). That way the reader becomes better acquainted with character, as well as getting info about the story.
As for chapter two, I was a little disappointed that it was practically quoted from the book. Other than Deryn joining the Leviathan, Volger escaping, and Volger's comment about Bovril, things were word for word from the book (other than the setting for the Alek/Volger conversation, which happened on the ground instead of the Leviathan's stateroom). But you said that the next few chapters won't be from the book, so I'm sure this will change.
I thought about being nit-picky about grammar here (I found a few errors), but I've already been harsh enough (I'm sorry) and I'm sure Daft Prince will mention it; he's great at pointing that stuff out.
Please don't get the impression that I'm being mean or that I don't like this fic. You obviously have researched and thought this plot out thoroughly, and I am eager to see where you go with this. You have great ideas here, you just need to work on your actual story telling.
If you don't absolutely hate me by now, (improbable) and found my review helpful (instead of cursing me to the moon, or something) I'd love to beta-read for you. Like I said, you've set this up well, with a lot of possibilities. It's a very intriguing idea.
Sorry for the long review! Don't hate me please.
Keep writing! Update soon!
| Daft Prince chapter 1 . 6/18/2012
An interesting alternate alternate history. Some of this seems a bit unlikely but that's okay. I should like to see where this goes.