|Reviews for Dream Lover|
| TheBotoxChicken chapter 9 . 1/7/2013
Hooked! You have a few grammar mistakes here and there, but I'm enjoying the content :)
| James Birdsong chapter 9 . 12/29/2012
You're welcome. I like this chapter as well. Oh the world did not end.
| Ml33tninja chapter 9 . 12/25/2012
I find this story to be quite a read. Like the complex relationships. Keep going
| cyberimp6 chapter 8 . 12/16/2012
Some impressive plot developments. I was occasionally jarred by some grammar errors, such as " Chiyoko said coldly, staring into Ayeka's eyes. If Ayeka would notice, Chiyoko had a pleading shine in her eyes." The phrase "said coldly" means without positive emotion, which is not the best way to describe what Chiyoko appears to be doing.
Also, being the reason that Niburu *lost* the war, and being the *cause* of the war are two different things. Perhaps Washu meant that Chiyoko was the cause of Niburu's defeat?
| James Birdsong chapter 8 . 12/3/2012
Good three chapters
| chaosrin chapter 7 . 12/2/2012
Looks fine. Take your time updating
| DarkPatu chapter 1 . 9/24/2012
I started reading this last week and absolutely loved it, then realized that in my haste I neglected to leave a review! A terrible fanfiction reader am I, oh waily waily waily. I've never been a huge Ayeka fan, but I'm trying to branch out before I start on my next story so I can get a better feel for her. I think you've captured her personality very well here, and the concept of a haunted dream is very gripping. I'll be sure to review the rest and I look forward to watching this unfold! Thanks for the entertaining read!
| cyberimp6 chapter 6 . 9/13/2012
The plot is developing believably and a a nice pace. Tiny quibble: I think you want to use "minutes" instead of "minuets". A minuet is a type of dance (something like a waltz) so it fools the spell-checker.
| cyberimp6 chapter 5 . 9/7/2012
Hmm - perhaps it's just me, but when Ayeka said ""No the one who fought you is not the man's partner" it didn't seem clear whether she was talking about Washu or Ryoko. (Both of them technically fought Chiyoko, though for Washu it was ranged combat.) I would also suggest "Ryoko snarled as she continued to walk" instead of "Ryoko snarled while continuing walking". On the plus side, some nice interaction between the characters in this chapter. Keep the updates coming!
| chaosrin chapter 5 . 9/7/2012
I wonder if Ryoko is part Tsundere to Ayeka only? Anyway it looks fine nothing ooc then again i have watched tenchi for a while. Hope ya flesh out Chiyoko's history more.
| James Birdsong chapter 5 . 9/4/2012
Excellent three chapters
| cyberimp6 chapter 4 . 9/1/2012
This chapter could use a little polishing on grammar. For instance, ""well at this point, I will make an acceptance" probably should have been "make an exception". Also, to be consistent, Washu did in fact collect DNA from Ayeka's bite marks. I find it interesting that Ayeka does not react when Ryoko is described as Tenchi's "partner", but if this was deliberate, it's a good touch to show us how unsettled Ayeka's mind is. Finally, the dialogue and interplay between Ayeka and the intruder is a nicely-constructed scene.
| Crudack Darkbane chapter 3 . 8/27/2012
This worked pretty well. You're doing good. But do me a favor? Please don't completely wussify Tenchi. He was pretty cool in Ryo-ohki, as well as the True Tenchi Novels.
| cyberimp6 chapter 3 . 8/26/2012
Some good plot development in this chapter. But somehow, it looks like all of your question marks were turned into apostrophes. Also, if Washu is Ryoko's mother, this is Tenchi OVA rather than the TV series, meaning Kiyone is the name of Tenchi's mother, and the Kiyone who is Mihoshi's partner doesn't exist.
| chaosrin chapter 2 . 8/21/2012
Well do update it been awhile since i saw any new Ayeka story.
Anyway i wonder how vampires can wpuld fight against everyone.
Ayeka in Silent Hill would be nice?