Hi! :) So I am usually a lurker that doesn't review because I am so busy with Varsity work. However, I read your story and felt like I should comment. :) You are not a bad writer overall and as a reader we can see how your writing improves as your story continues. Your earlier chapters are a little bit too short for my liking and your writing lacked detail to put the readers into the full picture. This became much better in later chapters. :) So great work! My only other complaint was the content of your story. Kyoko has a lot of very deep emotional scars with regard to her mother. I feel as if you rushed through the story a little bit. The idea itself was an amazing one, especially the father segment, which I haven't read many stories having before. However you needed to plot the story out and draw readers in. My suggestion is that you find a correspondence on FanFiction (please don't pick a dodgy one!) with whom you can bounce your ideas around. It is also nice to have someone to help you develop your ideas and beta your work. :) Lastly, I felt compelled to comment because your description said that you changed the ending because readers didn't like it? You mustn't let readers bully you. I personally didn't like that ending, but its not my story. Its your story. And you must write it and end it in any way that you want to. And if you get reviews complaining then you must just tell them to suck it up. Its the ending you wanted. :) Sorry for this monster of a review! Hope you don't find my constructive criticism too harsh. I believe that you have talent and that it just needs to be shaped a bit. Good luck for your future stories! SugarFox :)

Make an alternate ending that doesn't make us want to strangle you.
This is the demand of a fan.

awe that's so sad, poor kyoko
i still think her mum is a hag though, i really want someone to slap her
thanks for sharing
kat

love the story! can't wait for u to write more

I lied: I didn't actually cry when I wrote this.

You need more to empty, ur a good writer but their like rough drafts you can't keep dropping us so short, I knw u can do better looking forward to seeing more from you thnx

I think you should continue this story maybe even do it from her mothers POV I and many of your other devoted readers would like to know what she is thinking. Keep up the good work and don't stop writing.

update soon

update soon

interesting I wonder how this will turn out