Reviews for Princess of the Blacks
its88notthathard chapter 35 . 7/2
How does Jen train under Elsie and work at Candyland at the same time? Elsie finds her shortly after the rape scene, did Elsie let Jen stay at Candyland? Elsie mentions Jen's career at least once at the nude ritual part.
Simianpower chapter 35 . 6/15
Very well written. Nice job. Looking forward to the next one.

It's unfortunate that Jen didn't think of the portkey a bit earlier, though, eh? It was the first thing I thought of when she landed, especially after Cedric ported out. It was a large elephant in the room, and since she's so quick most of the time it was a bit out of character for her NOT to remember it. Plot required she forget it, though, and while I do understand that I really REALLY hate it when authors force their characters to be dumber than they are just for a "necessary" plot point. There were ways to write this that would not have required her to be stupid, such as Barty having a clear shot earlier. It would have taken away a few good scenes from the story, but with the payoff being you didn't betray your character. Just my $0.02. As I said, though, great story even despite this paragraph.
Simianpower chapter 26 . 6/15
Two questions: Why did Pomphrey not notice Jen's empty core during any of her prior treatments, such as after the first task? And why is Dumbledore not even a little bit worried that he outright destroyed what he thinks is a unique magical focus belonging to the heir of an Ancient house? Even he's not that hubristic to think that there would be no consequences to destroying a house heirloom that he stole publicly.
Simianpower chapter 25 . 6/15
Wait, so suddenly Danny IS a junior champion? Last time he was a senior one. Continuity problem here.
Simianpower chapter 16 . 6/15
If Jen can see magic, like the oath from the cup and Dumbledore's legilimency and "Moody's" eye, then why can't she see that he's under polyjuice? Why can't she see that Barty is under imperious? It just seems inconsistent. She can even see that Hagrid doesn't use magic much and is part-human, which are both far more subtle than being under an active enchantment.
Simianpower chapter 6 . 6/15
I actually was expecting her to get some sort of dummy wand as a prop, something that may have looked intimidating but didn't do anything. Maybe even one that lacked a core entirely, something carved up as an artistic piece rather than a "real" wand. I never expected her to get any kind of amplifier or focus since it's been absolutely clear that she needs no such thing.
Simianpower chapter 3 . 6/14
Thanks for your A/N about Occlumency! That's my biggest pet peeve with it, too. It's the do-everything McGuffin! Ugh! I'd far prefer that people use it as a PIECE in an entire system of mind magic, rather than the entirety, and that it take more than, say, a few hours with a good teacher to learn. Meditation, attack/defense (occlumency/legilimency), recall, organization, multiple thought threads, self-analysis, there are all kinds of magics that could be part of an interesting branch of magic, but making occlumency ALL of them is ridiculous.
Lahmikhara chapter 35 . 6/11
Wow I really enjoyed this story. A lot more then I expected going by the summary. Jen is definitely one of the best developed OC's I've seen in a long while. Great job. Going to have to cut this review short though since I'm typing agonizingly slow due to a broken hand... it's rather annoying :-P

Moving on to the sequel now!

Sincerely,

Lahmikhara
dksamuri chapter 35 . 6/5
Damn good story
kyoanna chapter 10 . 5/26
anyone find it odd that despite witnessing his mothers death as a baby and later recalling both the light and her scream still didn't see the thestrals till year 5
kyoanna chapter 1 . 5/25
sometimes you scare me... really you do... I'm glad Sirius is smarter in this one but seriously you scare me...
MiloSheba chapter 18 . 5/21
Why do you own Harry Potter? Harry unknowingly got around that rule by Hagrid, a teacher showing him the dragons and Croody giving him advice. PM MiloSheba.
tatewaki2000 chapter 35 . 5/21
This was fun. Other than the murdering of a person in response to a incubus, Jen is really likes me. :)

Ty for the fun story!
tatewaki2000 chapter 2 . 5/21
Hahahahahahha!

That ending!
Guest chapter 6 . 5/15
I would have suggested she use a plain stick and pretend it was a wand so she could better blend in.
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