|Reviews for I Like Pie|
| Pa chapter 1 . 6/4/2014
Kind of sounds robotic try using a more emotional approach... I don't feel like I'm seeing what your trying to show your readers. Montonish.
| TrancyXOXO chapter 2 . 4/2/2014
Staring contests with Maria! LOL! : )
| TrancyXOXO chapter 1 . 4/2/2014
LOL! Eggman in music mode! : )
| Yuli Ban chapter 5 . 2/17/2014
Surely this wasn't intentional and is simply LaSelaMelvins with a dirty mind, but...
| MidnightMare247 chapter 5 . 2/8/2014
I really enjoyed reading this story. It was funny, and random, caught my attention pretty well. And it seems you have absolutely NO spelling errors whatsoever, which means you either,
A. Checked your stories more than once.
B. You have a pretty impressive auto correct
Either way, I'm looking forward to reading more comedy-wise stories of yours. I love to laugh (:
| Name no Danna chapter 3 . 1/18/2014
Poor Shadow X3 Well that's what you get when you team up with Dr Eggman
| Name no Danna chapter 1 . 1/18/2014
ZOMG *dies from laughter* this is seriously the funniest Sonic fanfic I've read and it's the first chapter
| DemiTheBat chapter 5 . 6/26/2013
Looooooooool! That was hilarious! Sooooo random, but that's y I loved it XD it was truly a masterpiece :-)
| yellowmaltese chapter 1 . 6/22/2013
The summary was very annoying to me because even though this story is supposed to have some random moments and be funny, I feel like it was too rushed almost to the point where you were trying to squeeze out some small amount of humor but it ended up back firing in the end. How can we conclude that Sonic really likes pie? It might have been better to have a small back ground description detail to tell the audience why Sonic likes pit in the beginning because this is not stated by Sega. You do not want to make up character's like or dislike if you want to stay in character.
The dreadful part of the summary was the fact that everything feels rushed although I understand that when the author is lacking the aptitude to write, it is a challenge for them to say things very nicely in few amounts of wording. I believe this is your biggest flaw and something that you want to work with unless you want to keep making a fool out of yourself and also ruining the quality of your story, Learn how to say things in a short manner but also be details and yet interesting at the same time. Many beginner writers have this kind of flaw but if you contact me through my pm I could potentially help you to improve a little. For example, how can Amy baking a pit be a essential part of Eggman's world domination? I can see you are trying to bring out the intense moment to capture reader's attention but it just seems very unrealistic.
There is another grammar mistake when you are using the term 'however.' As a person who received around 2300 on the SAT score and currently in grad school working on sociology and social genetics paper, you are using the term however very incorrectly which stresses me extremely. Let me point out to you so it is also easy for a middle school student to understand.
Incorrect way: That night, however, the passersby were particularly insertive.
Correct way: (insert sentence); however, the passersby were particularly insertive.
However is used between two independent sentence. This is the most simple way I can break it down for you and hope you can understand this.
There was another sentence. Without breathing another word? You cannot technically breath another word and it is a very weak way of describing... whatever you were trying to say unless this is supposed to be some kind of sick joke and a way to disrespect the readers. You probably meant to say Shadow snuck into the security room without saying another word.
Overall, this first chapter was messy with the sensation of the author trying too hard to impress audience but it is back firing as a result. Unless this is supposed to be a story that is meant to banter with readers without taking the story plot seriously with good humor, it is best if you start with a common brain storm and work your way up from there to enhance the quality of the overall story.
| finallyexploded chapter 1 . 9/16/2012
Hello! I enjoyed reading this. Some brilliant moments.
"Yes!" the man barked back, and punched the clerk in the head, causing its legs fell off.
"Causing its legs fell off" looks strange to me. Maybe "Causing its legs to fall off"?
Anyways, my favorite part was: "She wouldn't wait for the receipt, the change or the glass door."
I'm not sure why, but that part just made me laugh my head off.
Have a good day!
| Qwisse chapter 5 . 9/10/2012
The story matches its purpose.
Humorous, random. More random than any story I could remember, actually, though it's not a defect. It makes twists unpredictable, and plot - enjoyable.
It's full of handsome-looking laugh-worthy moments. I found the hammer idea in chapter five awesome.
Wouldn't call it entirely light, bacause of a certain sadistic note. Pretty note... It's always amusing to see Shadow being unable to make things done with a move of his finger.
Can't believe it was easy to write, though. Less emotionally heavy than Smile, the story has a lot of fancy playing with words. Those look nice even in a humor story.
Would like to see where it will end. Good luck, Shadow...
| 1Past and Present1 chapter 5 . 9/4/2012
Don't we all?
| MakeshiftAngel chapter 5 . 9/1/2012
lol. egg carrier option. rolf
| alexander prower chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
wtf dont flame im knew to the site shut it dude lay off the hate from alexander prower bye the way im updating soon plz dont flame i beg you
| HappyBlushCalayapie chapter 4 . 8/30/2012
"Shadow quickly rejected the stray idea in favour of guns. Actually, he had no one to shoot, but could still hear rapid gunshots."
Did he forget how? The "Shadow the Hedgehog" video game sure says otherwise...