|Reviews for Sparkle|
| cindella204 chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
You did an awesome job, nice work.
| Wendy Brune chapter 1 . 6/20/2012
Wow! This was a beautifully written piece that I really enjoyed. You did a wonderful job with all the characters, and I think you set up Clove particularly well. Your figurative language was gorgeous, and there were only a few small parts that gave me pause.
In the first section, I really loved how everything was sensual about Glimmer. Your word choice was astounding, particularly when you say that the diamonds "flirt with her curves." That's really brilliant, using that verb to add to her sensual nature in such a subtle way. I was really impressed with that word choice, I re-read it a few times just to further enjoy it. Seriously, that's some very skilled writing right there.
I also really love the way you contrast Clove and Glimmer, from the physical - Clove being small and dark, Glimmer being tall and nearly perfect - to even their tactics. I also liked how we got that sense that Glimmer was using Cato for protection, and even though Cato wanted to pretend that he was immune to it, he wasn't. The whole career dynamic was just really well set up.
And of course, I thought the end was really powerful and very indicative of Clove's character. Somewhat related to the end, I also liked your choice that Clove could have gotten Katniss if she'd wanted to, but didn't. It was a very intriguing moment to me, but it made perfect sense the way you wrote it. I enjoyed it very much.
My only very small critique is that some of the sentences are confusing in structure. I won't pull them all apart for you, as that would be tedious for both of us, but it's just a small thing I noticed.
Ooh, a few small typos! )
"The glare of her smile sting Clove's eyes..."
Whoopsie - you mean "stings," right? D
"Are her hands are softer than Clove's—is that why he holds them all the time?"
Another little typo - two many ares! (I sense a pirate joke.)
I think this is a sign that you must write more THG. I really, really enjoyed this piece immensely! It's a quality story that deserves a lot of attention! But, considering how well-written it is - and how strong your characters are - I'm sure you'll get lots of positive feedback!
| Vyscaria chapter 1 . 6/20/2012
I visited your profile and saw you had a Hunger Games fic... And then that it was a Glimmer/Cato/Clove? I had to read.
I was always intrigued by the dynamics between Cato and Glimmer in the books, and what exactly that meant for Clove. In my opinion, Clove and Cato belonged together. I think you explored a good deal of it here, but reading to the end and reading it again- I'm missing the impact. I feel like Glimmer's death was too sudden, or that it wasn't built up enough. I got a fragmented feeling from this piece, as if it wasn't complete.
Or maybe that was your intention. The way you've written Clove's dislike for Glimmer seems purely superficial, and so it's hard for me to sympathize with Clove as the fic draws to an end. Perhaps the piece could be improved if Glimmer acted out towards her or some such thing. Right now, Glimmer actually seems like a victim, and I feel bad for her despite strongly disliking her in the book/movie.
I'm sorry that I can't be of much help in this. I don't know if that was what you were trying to portray in the first place.
In terms of the writing in itself, I'm pleasantly surprised by the intricate sentence structure you're using. It's good and varied, and there aren't any spelling or grammar mistakes to speak of. I like the little snapshots of life you have going on here- it shows indirectly that life is short in nature, and this is especially true in the context of the games.
Your opening line was a little confusing to me, though: "She struts towards them with the grace of a roaming giraffe" - I don't know about you, but giraffes don't seem very graceful to me. When I first read it, I thought you were trying to show how ungraceful she was. Perhaps a different animal could be more appropriate? Did they even have giraffes in Panem? Haha just a thought. :)
"Anger is bubbling in his eyes—is it that she ridiculed Glimmer or that Katniss scored higher than him on the assessment, she isn't sure—but he subdues it enough so that his touch is like a feather's caress." - I loved this part. I think it was a brilliant way to express Cato's emotion without directly doing so. And the fact that he was able to subdue this anger for Clove speaks volumes about their relationship.
Overall, you've explored a very broad range of dynamics here. Even with the few issues I had with the piece, I only wish there was more to read. :C
| TheFictionFairy chapter 1 . 6/20/2012
Very nice character piece. It did a great job of immersing us in Clove's mind, and getting us interested in her perspective (if not necessarily sympathetic to her). Great job!
| Don't Call Me Sparkles chapter 1 . 6/20/2012
Oh why must all the Clato shippers hate so much? Geez. Seems everyone hates on Glimmer but everyone hates the popular pretty girls too (if you dont, well then youre the one ;) ...even though Im not a Clove fan the STORY is well crafted and does a great job of going back and forth just as Cato seems to, depending on movie vs book cannon. Remember Suzanne Collins helped write the movie screenplay so she approved of both outcomes, its personal choice who you ship. Really good one shot from this author even if I didnt like the ending, the descriptions were wonderful and writing style was great!
| bloodbuzz chapter 1 . 6/19/2012
This makes me happy because I hate Glato. :3
But, uh, yeah.
It was remarkably written. I didn't see any glaringly obvious grammar mistakes, so that's good. I like the concept - inside glances at the Careers are my FAVORITE. If you haven't, you should check out Ky's "underlings".
But yeah, I think the characters were remarkably . . . in-character (lol wording), especially where this fandom is concerned.
My only complaint is that Marvel isn't mentioned once. I know he's not a main character, but as far as we know, he was with the group except for the brief period when he killed Rue/died. I think at least mentioning him would have been good - it's as if he didn't exist.
| junebugz21 chapter 1 . 6/19/2012
I really like this. I always hated Glimmer-jerk-and I like how descriptive your writing is.