|Reviews for At Least I Know He Cares|
| mockingjay9392 chapter 1 . 4/24/2014
Dammit that is the cutest thing in the world! Love it!
| Kozmic chapter 1 . 4/9/2014
Aww so adorable! I love it.
| musicsheet chapter 1 . 2/25/2013
Aww, so sweet!
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/19/2013
Oh my gods...please make another chapter
| Lilac918 chapter 1 . 1/27/2013
I love it, i hope you make it a two-shot.:)
| extraradiant chapter 1 . 1/14/2013
that was amazing I loved it please keep writing
| 2lovejasper chapter 1 . 11/11/2012
omg!that was great wright more soon plez i might die if you don't wright the way with jasper!
| OceanRiver chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
Pleaaaase make it a twoshot! Please! Pretty please with honey and whipped cream and marshmallows and sugar and loads-of-other-stuff with a cherry on top!
| LivGirl16 chapter 1 . 8/7/2012
SUPER CUTE and fluffy like bunnies :)
| LovesToReadOnline chapter 1 . 7/8/2012
That was really good... Like wow!
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/7/2012
Jason could come back for a surprise visit and piper and him could have their fluffy reunion.
| snazzyflower chapter 1 . 6/30/2012
Aw, that was sweet.
| squirtlepokemon215 chapter 1 . 6/29/2012
Awwww! So adorable! :) Please update! :)
| SephCurrentDaughterofPoseidon chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
Please make it into a Two shot :)
| trench chapter 1 . 6/20/2012
So, you asked for constructive criticism, and I'm going to try and give it.
While the plot (Jason and Piper are separated, Piper is nostalgic/longing for him) isn't all that original, you wrote this fairly well. It flows and doesn't trail off, and it's a very clear 'point-A-to-point-B' progression. That's good because the reader isn't confused, but it also lessens intrigue, because everything is so cut and dried. A more complex structure would be significantly more interesting.
You aren't canonical. Jason doesn't have power over stars; Jupiter is lord of the sky and of thunder, not of space and celestial bodies. And besides, it isn't like a demigod has all of their godly parent's powers, so even if Jupiter could control the stars Jason probably still wouldn't be able to.
While having Jason move stars is cute and a major part of this fic, it takes away some of your credibility, not to mention how unlikely it is that Jason would be able to move so many stars so quickly. On a side note, moving stars like that would most likely cause major explosions that could potentially threaten the safety of the planet. So perhaps not the smartest move.
That said, moving stars is also quite a unique idea, and for that I commend you.
Beside those major points, there are a few smaller things:
- "She though of how cunning his smile was"
Cunning is not the right word to use. Cunning means sly or crafty. I associate the word with Swiper the Fox and thieves.
- You have Piper think about their "first kiss," but she knows it wasn't real and by now she would have gotten over that.
- "Piper couldn't blame him."
This is wonderful. Usually in fics like this, Piper is angry or resentful that Jason left, when really she'd feel like this. Kudos for that.
And that's all I have to say. Except: I wouldn't continue this if I were you. Because A) you've pretty much finished an entire plot, B) what would you even write about that would be an interesting extension, C) you wrote this to be a oneshot, so it probably won't be good if you try to prolong it. Also, it's kind of unprofessional to say that you might update, but only for a certain number of reviews. You should write for yourself, not for reviews.
So that's my critique. Hopefully it was helpful, or at least insightful.