Reviews for Beginnings
Nora Smith chapter 1 . 12/30/2012
Heartwarming story. Nice job.
garnmcgaughn chapter 1 . 9/7/2012
Great story tho the only dislike I have of it is the chat spacings. Guessing this is an older story so this might be an old issue but just wanted to mention it.
Over Worked Witch chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
I just found this new Ravy story, which always makes getting through the rest of the day easier.

For a one-shot I thought all the elements were here to make it seem complete and the overall story was well done. Where I had trouble with this was the tensing and structure of the paragraphs.

Being done in third-person the descriptions should be in past-tense - moved instead of moves for example. I know that the use of present tense descriptions isn't an issue for everyone, but it does make it more difficult to read.

The paragraphs also shouldn't be so bunched up together. When dealing with multiple characters that are interacting and speaking with each other it is key to have a clear separation. If you're keeping to a POV its fine to have that character noticing what the others are doing, but once the shift is made to a different POV you should start it on a new line with a break separating it from the previous one.

Hope these tips help as the content of the story is too enjoyable not to be attracting more readers and support.
cookiesforfrogs chapter 1 . 6/21/2012
Very nice, it's always good to see another ravy story and this one was very sweet.