Reviews for The Lion King: A Father's Concern
Emberscar chapter 1 . 10/11/2013
Wow... this is pretty well written, good job
Guest chapter 1 . 7/15/2013
who is the characters of lion king A fathers concern
SuomiTytt chapter 1 . 7/14/2013
I'm going to read every story in the 'series', you are writing. It all seems quite interesting. I at least liked this one a lot :)
Shembre chapter 1 . 3/24/2013
Seeing Ahadi's reluctance as readiness was an interesting idea. It showed more that he was nervous about doing a good job, rather than going, "Oh, heck yeah, I am sooo ready! Bring it on!" You don't know if you're ready for anything if you haven't tried it yet.

The prose of this story was very nice, and it went with the soft music I was listening to at the time. The little flashbacks were nice as Ahadi considered his family. One thing I might suggest with your flashbacks is to make even the non-dialogue sentences italic, too, so readers are not in doubt about what they are reading. I knew they were flashbacks, but the partial italics threw me off a bit. No biggie, though. Another thing you might consider is how you describe your characters. You did so beautifully, but it would be even better if you said things like "the sun hit his bright gold fur" or "he stared at his kingdom with his green eyes". That way, the description is more incorporated, and you don't have to pause the story to describe them. One last thing is that by removing the line, "This cub, Taka, would grow up to become the villainous Scar, but he wasn't always the evil usurper of the Pride Lands," it will help amp up Ahadi's inner turmoil because he had no idea what was going to happen. Instead, you could maybe show Taka (and his cold eyes) playing with Mufasa, and maybe doing something that kind of reminds readers of how he killed Mufasa. Just a suggestion. Other than that, this was a lovely story. :D

T5Tango chapter 1 . 2/5/2013
This was brilliant. First of all, your writing style is lovely, your sentence flow possesses both concise meaning for clarity and rich descriptions for imagery. Well done.

I also enjoyed the original twist you put on Ahadi, many fanfiction authors tend to portray him as a rigid, more angry figure, one who clearly shows his favoritism for his older son. This application of a warm and loving fatherly figure also makes the heart break of knowing that he will not suceed in pulling Taka out of the darkness that is Scar, and that in the end, they will both die because of Taka's fall. And the last words of the story were very chilling, it really brought into light that no matter how hard we try, somethings are out of our hands.

The way you incorporated detail into this was also very nice. Not only did you delve into Ahadi's thoughts, but you also portrayed Uru and Mohatu in nice ways that really created the family dynamic.

The parallel between Ahadi's cornation and Taka's knowledge that he himself is not the heir was wonderful. As Ahadi literally took the throne, Taka's cold eyes were watching him. I wonder what if felt like to be a father who is about to recieve everything that their child wants.

Really great work, so glad that I read this!
tottopanther chapter 1 . 8/23/2012
I like the perspective of Ahadi in this story. And the way you described Mohatu's questioning of Ahadi was brilliant.
super warrior cats fan chapter 1 . 7/16/2012
hi asante im a new reader im a big fan of your work and great story by the way can you reply back when you have the chance and im trying not to be to much of a bother but can you let me know what man comes to the pride lands be like
Guest chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
awsome job not to be to much of a bother but can you let us know when man comes to the pride lands come out
disappointed 2012 chapter 1 . 7/14/2012
Fantastic as always, glad you're back!
Jacob shives chapter 1 . 7/11/2012
You'r alive! For a short time I thought you just quit, it's good to hear from you agin.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
nice story when will man comes to the pride lands come out
The Dark Lynx chapter 1 . 6/21/2012
Once again, an amazing job. Keep it up!