|Reviews for In the End|
| chemie08 chapter 4 . 3/10
I like your story very much so far. It has an interesting plot and is well written. Although your translation of the term "mate" as "Kumpel" is irritating for me, whose native language is german. Mate would be better translated as "Partner" or "Gefährte"; "Kumpel" is used for a best mate, a good MALE friend, nothing romantic and not in reference to a woman. I hope this is helpful.
Thank you for sharing your story!
| carly chapter 26 . 1/18
i love love love this story i need more of this story i can't wait for more lol
| ChapterEight chapter 4 . 11/2/2013
I've really enjoyed the story line and characterization in the first four chapters so far. I plan to keep reading to the end, because I like the idea behind this story.
However, I do have some constructive criticism... It would be a lot easier to read if you followed the rules about verb tense. That is, generally keep a single tense within one sentence and within one paragraph. So, to borrow a sentence from Ch. 1, "It has gotten worse a couple of times, but this time the pull was painful," should really be, "It has gotten worse a couple of times, but this time the pull is painful." "Has" is a present tense verb, so in general the verb of the second clause in the sentence should also be present tense; that is, not the past tense "was" but rather the present tense "is." Like I said earlier, in general this rule isn't just about within a single sentence but is also within a single paragraph. There are exceptions such as when you are talking about a past event during the present time, but the rule holds in general.
I hope you take this information in the friendly spirit with which I intend it. I know that I want my stories to be the best they can be and would appreciate it if someone pointed out any problems, and I assume that feel the same way. It's just that reading constantly changing verb tenses, or past tense verbs that really you intend to be describing the present time, is like getting whiplash, which is unfortunate since the story is such a good idea.
| CookieCutter101 chapter 26 . 10/26/2013
Ok. Liking the story so far. But I'm a bit annoyed. I feel as though Godric should explain the memory. I'm totally with Godric and how he is reacting. I feel that if either Sookie or Eric asked what was wrong then they would understand Godric's point of view. The way Eric is acting, especially how he is ignoring Godric and how Leigh is acting, is ridiculous. He should understand that Godric, his maker and his mate, would never do anything to put Sookie is harms way as he was married to her. I think Sookie is acting like a spoilt brat because by blocking Godric he doesn't know how that she loves him and he is becoming even more angry and that's not helping anyone. It's really aggravating. But other than that I'm liking the story. I just think Godric should show both Eric and Sookie the memory that way they can both understand where he is coming from cause if Eric keeps ignoring Godric and Sookie keeps acting the way she does then Sookie will die. It wouldn't be because of Godric it would be because his two mates aren't asking him where he is coming from. There is a serious lapse in communication right now which isn't good in any relationship. Sorry I get really into stories. I really just think Eric and Sookie are being ridiculous.
| Guest chapter 26 . 10/23/2013
| Coonkisser19 chapter 26 . 10/23/2013
I loved it and can't wait for more...Now I am wondering what or whom this shadow thing is...but over all its good!
| Tara Prustat chapter 5 . 9/26/2013
So far I've really liked your story but there is one thing that's really bothering me. It's a well known fact that Eric uses Swedish and yet you keep using German instead. Honestly that wouldn't bother me except you're trying too hard and probably using google translate. Last chapter you used wenig liebe to mean little love. Wenig does mean little but it means little in terms of quantity so wenig liebe would mean you don't love them very much. Klein would be the form of little associated with size. This chapter you used kumpel to mean mate. Again it's technically true but not the way you want, a kumpel is is more the british version of the word mate meaning best friend. You also wrote geliebten Partner. While I commend you on the capitalization of the noun the prefix ge- generally implies a past tense. While it does mean beloved, without context in German it sounds more like the general past tense.
Some suggestions for replacements are liebchen which takes the root word love and adds an affectionate suffix that implies little. Another that is used is Schatz meaning treasure or it's turned into a nickname of sorts as Schatzi. If you'd like any suggestions for German in the future I'd be more than willing to help, just send me an email.
| S. S. Wolfe chapter 1 . 9/20/2013
"Aingeal an Bháis" means "Angel of Death" in Gaelic (or Irish on Google Translate). That's a bit scary . . . but adds deeply to the plot. YAY! Cannot wait to read more.
| darksorceross chapter 6 . 9/14/2013
| Kattusmiez chapter 1 . 9/4/2013
About the previos review:
"You keep using whatever language you want Kitty!" - I wasn't telling you (Kitty) not to use German pet names. I was only wondering whether you might have confused Erics & Godrics native tongue or whether you used German on purpose. Totally free of criticism or judgement. I'm more than fine with both possibilities, as I said, I was just wondering, because in all the other stories I read they used pet names in their native tongue.
| MissRon chapter 1 . 9/3/2013
To the previous reviewer: Godric and Eric are really really old and know many languages. We know that they know German for sure from the show so I can't see why them using German pet names is so odd. I've read stories where they've used French, Egyptian, Swedish etc etc and its never bothered me because I assume they would probably switch between languages at times. English is quite a new language compared to others. You keep using whatever language you want Kitty!
| Kattusmiez chapter 26 . 9/3/2013
Hey there! Nice fanfic, especially the Prologue really got to me and practically forced me to keep on reading ;) I'm not through yet, but enjoying that very creative and alternative plot of yours.
However, I noticed that somewhere quite at the beginning you started to let Godric/Eric give Sookie pet names in German. That seems a little weird to me since neither of them actually is German (in the series at least). Also, since German is my native language, I noticed that some had mistakes in them (god, I really really hope that doesn't piss you off but helps ;) ) "Kumpel" for example doesn't mean 'mate' in the way you use it in your story, it actually means something like 'buddy'. I can't think of a fitting German word to translate the term mate though. 'Partner' gets close to it, but doesn't sound that endearing. If you wanna keep using German pet names, you could vor example say "(kleine) Seelenverwandte" which means that someone's souls are like related, and "kleine" is the female form of "little" (but you got that one right I think) or "Geliebte / Liebste" (Beloved). Hope that helped )
| racecz5 chapter 26 . 7/26/2013
Thanks for the great chapter. I just caught up on your monster story and I love it!
| Megan Consoer chapter 26 . 7/22/2013
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
| Guest chapter 26 . 7/19/2013
Huh, I just re-read a previous chapter and realized that I boo-bood in my last comment since yeah, Niall and Hades knew that Godric was being taught a lesson and thats why they didn't pop in and interfere. Go me on remembering key plot points from previous chapters *rolls eyes*.