|Reviews for Saturday|
| AnnaTrisJeanEverdeen chapter 16 . 8/19
YES LOVE YOU I LOVE SUPERNATURAL
| AnnaTrisJeanEverdeen chapter 1 . 8/19
I feel mean but this wally makes me laugh
| Guest chapter 36 . 4/29
this story makes me feel a lot better and happier. it made me reakize that i do have people who actually like me for me.
| Guest chapter 27 . 4/29
cuz he's the goddamn batman
| Guest chapter 26 . 4/29
teen titans, GO!
tbh i dislike that show, but i loved the orginal ons
| Guest chapter 20 . 4/29
NO NO NO LOGAN/LA'GANN! YOU WILL NOT RUIN THEIR RELATIONSHIP. PLES DON'T
| Guest chapter 18 . 4/29
i s2g, bruce is like trying to sabotage birdflash
| Guest chapter 17 . 4/29
i wonder if bruce acted okay with the news...or he might have selina kyle's head off someday
| Guest chapter 14 . 4/28
oh god, conner
| Guest chapter 12 . 4/28
tbh whenever megan has that haircut like in invasion, i feel like the break up between her and conner would come soon
| Guest chapter 9 . 4/28
conner totally-kind of-got away with punching wally
| Guest chapter 6 . 4/28
i loved this chapter tbh, but fricking megan and wally ruined it. UUUUGHHH
| Guest chapter 5 . 4/28
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/28
lol there's like this wally and dick moment and then roy's like *pops out of nowhere*
| Poopfeast42 chapter 16 . 4/27
This is where I stopped reading.
Now, I don't want you (all?) to take offense because I want you to never stop writing! That said, there were issues with the writing and story that made me give up on this story. Mostly opinions, you can disregard if you feel they are wrong, I tried to be constructive so you can improve. OK. Critique sandwich. Start with the nice things, end with the nice things, roast it in the middle!
I don't normally ship birdflash, but I feel like you conjured some personal chemistry between them and I liked how you integrated the mentors, and daddybats is always a hit.
Negative... Your sentences tended to be poorly worded. Try rereading then aloud when you edit to capture a natural cadence. This may also fix the issue I noticed where it was hard to figure out what was going on. Sadly, I'm not a good enough writer myself to say exactly why. One instance was when you were taking about Artemis stealing the bolt; I had no idea why she would do that, what impact it had, and in fact, I thought it meant she was supposed to be in with the breakfast club!
I also feel like you should challenge yourself with more complex sentences. You know, semicolons, clauses, conjunctions, FANBOYS. English class, coming at ya! The best way to fix this is probably to keep writing and improve over time.
I think you spent a little too much time describing characters, (this is a fanfic, we know what they look like!) and not enough time describing the setting. The only place where I really got an idea of setting was in the detention room, just because I was imagining the Breakfast Club room.
The story of your... Story... I couldn't say I enjoyed it, for the most part. Maybe that is just because I got enough of drama mongering in middle school. It may not be the same elsewhere, but by the time I graduated middle school most strict clique boundries had dissolved, people stopped being coy and holding grudges over everything. I only knew a couple people in high school who caused drama, and I hung out with Drama kids! Reading your story I feel like I am surrounded by obnoxious, attention-seeking, drama spreading idiots who take their social lives way too seriously. Other than that, I wish you introduced Kaldur earlier, poor guy is always left out of the white-people-party! I hope he will get a large role later in your story.
Back to good! Given all the stuff I said about your sentences, I still feel like you have had a marked improvement from chapter 1 to here. At this rate I think I wouldn't have much to complain about by your last chapter. One scene that stuck with me was when they were having their breakfast club sharing session and Connor asks why they are sharing so much. Something about that part was vivid, I think it was the way you described them individually. I hope you will write for the rest of your life, if I see a newer story with your name on it, I'll check it out!