|Reviews for Second Chances|
| Abby Scuito chapter 3 . 8/2/2012
Oh my brunette Abby, oh my brunette Abby... GIBBS AGREED BECAUSE HE LOVES HER! XD
So here's what needs improving on your newest chapter: (& please forgive me for being the grammar police)
-Some of your commas are in the wrong place. In fact, there are a few that shouldn't even exist at all .
-I'd work on the flow of your chapter; in previous chapters & in The Hangover you had a really good smooth transition between Gibbs and Abby's perspectives; in this chapter it seems a little disjointed. I can't put my finger on why exactly, my gut just says it needs a small amount of polishing :)
-Is it just me or are the chapters shrinking in size? Longer chapters make readers *cough* and a certain best friend *cough* very happy.. ;)
What I loved:
-Gibbs' momentary jealousy; I love our silver-haired fox when he growls ;) You made it realistic by portraying the fact that Gibbs was jealous, but wrote in a way that didn't melodramatize the situation. *thumbs up*
-Injecting humour into the story at the right time; the first two chapters were full of shock and angst so it's a good thing that you're including some comedy to lighten the air :)
-I've said it before and I'll say it again: this. original. plot. is. awesome.
Something else to add..
-This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's not absolutely great either: stretching a few minutes over three chapters can make the story seem slow at the same time. I'd advise using the "insert line" option (ask if you don't know what it is) to shift perspectives. For example, you could have a Gabby scene, shift to bullpen scene with the team, shift to Ducky & Jimmy in the morgue, shift to the team out on a case, shift to Abby processing the evidence. This will help to lengthen the chapter too, and having other smaller storylines with the other NCIS characters or even OCs would give the story additional depth. Try thinking of an NCIS episode- shifting perspectives not only focuses on another dimension of the story, but glosses over those incredibly dull gaps in between one scenario and another.
Now, my adorableness, I expect a message from you tomorrow morning when you wake up and see this review... Don't worry about waking me up, I'm getting up at 5am anyway :')
TTYL, O Mistress of Sheer Brilliance,
Kate xxx (aka the soon-to-be raven-haired Abby)
| tanya2byour21 chapter 2 . 7/25/2012
I like this so far and I can't wait to find out what is going to happen next. Keep up the great writing and please post more when you can.
| BLONDE ABBY chapter 2 . 7/21/2012
OMG, I love the new chapter! (Random interruption: this mobile font is weird!) I can't read the chapter and review at the same time on the phone, so I'll critique later- for now, here's what I love about Second Chances:
-the plot- I've already mentioned its incredibly original ;)
-your descriptions of their feelings.. You flip through Gibbs and Abby's POVs seamlessly! :D
-that Jenny's still alive :P
-you've managed to keep the dialogue canon- not all writers do that! :)
Btw, what was that at the end of the chapter "the end of chapter three"- we're on chapter two :S
Now what I want to see:
-Third and fourth and fifth chances (eventually) *whistles in mock innocence*
-More characters.. How do the rest of the team react?
-Longer chapters! ;)
Have fun, my brunette Abby! (Or my green chicken if you'd prefer ;))
Love from your blonde Abby 3
| Sophies-Welt chapter 2 . 7/20/2012
Ahhh cute! :-) But let them do it the right way ;-)
| bailee chapter 2 . 7/19/2012
knew it an ace second chapter Rosie bring on chapter 3 :) x
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/19/2012
Well...THAT was interesting! I wonder where this will go and how will they both handle it.
| bailee chapter 1 . 7/18/2012
Love love love it you never fail to make a fantastic fan fic you need to write more chapters :) xxxxx
| battlingbard7 chapter 1 . 7/16/2012
I'm not all the biggest fan of pregnant!Abby, but I'm looking forward to where you're going with this. Keep up the good work. *Hands you a Caf-Pow!* ;)
| icingsugar chapter 1 . 7/11/2012
Wow that proposition was unexpected. Great so far. Cant wait to read more.
| AliceTheSexyHog chapter 1 . 7/11/2012
This is Impressive! O.o I don't know much about ncis but I can see this is a great story! Seriously u should become a book writer :) keep it up and good work
| SunsetsAndSweetDreams chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
Ooh I like it :) Rather looking forward to Gibbs' reaction. Should turn out to be an interesting story - Although I know I'd like to see them make this baby naturally! :P Well maybe we will see? Keep writing :D x
| Butterfly chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
Love it. Update soon please.
| KittiRain chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
Interesting idea! [Though I have recently been reading one fic that's similar to this one, called The Favor]
My honest opinion is that you tend to use a lot of commas to break up sentences, and when you add things, it makes it a little difficult to read. For example:
Jethro gently kneaded her back muscles, hearing her deep breathing he, Gibbs an ex-marine and Naval Agent, his attention was soon occupied by her minor actions and silent breathing, to any other person would take this as they saw her; a depressed moody Gothic chick who wore dog collars.
[The part where it says he, Gibbs an ex-marine and Naval Agent, isn't actualy needed, as Gibbs is the only male in the room, so simply using 'he' gives the reader no doubt as to whom is being spoken about. You could have written:
Jethro gently kneaded the muscles in her back, hearing her deep breathing his attention was soon occupied by her minor actions. Partly due to the fact he was ex-Marine, and now a Naval Agent, he would often pride himself on noticing the minor details most others overlooked. Most others would see Abby as a moody Goth-chick who wore dog collars...
Anyway... I'm actually looking forward to reading more of this story! .
| Sophies-Welt chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
Good start, like the idea of this storyline! Hope you update soon!
| cheether chapter 1 . 6/23/2012
Can't wait for his answer, after he gets over the shock of her question. I can't see him going the IVF way, Gibbs is too old fashion for that, Good story. Update soon.