Reviews for Demon's Luck
Badgedbadger chapter 3 . 10/17/2014
As a Hyuuga, Hinata should be the last person to need glasses. :P
Joe Lawyer chapter 6 . 10/8/2014
I’m not sure the tone of chapter 2-5 matches the first chapter. I get and support the idea of putting your own spin on things, that’s important when you adopt someone else’s premise, but chapter 1 was so fun and humorous and somehow had a sexy edginess with tons of potential. After that it was a lot of logistics and Fugaku even committed suicide! Damn. How’s that for fun.

The denial of a harem also didn’t feel all that fun.

So I’m not quite sure how to feel about it all. Chapter 1 was enough for me to want to favorite it, but I’m just not quite as big a fan as where it went from there. Giving Naruto a solid childhood, surrounded by his kunoichi servants could potentially have had a huge impact on his life. He’d have been a better person and a better ninja from the get go, probably more assertive and assured in his power. Canon Naruto was an idiot who still managed to save the world. What could he have done with all these resources from a young age and the love of powerful women to remind him of his humanity?
Joe Lawyer chapter 3 . 10/8/2014
“And look, I avoid the harem path in a simple and elegant fashion, by making nearly all the girls too old in general.”

Your author’s note kind of forgets some things. There is no too old and too young in this world of ninja, where most live fast and die young. The second they graduate the academy, which for most stories seems to be around 13, he’s an adult in every sense. A lot of these women are also powerful kunoichi who would produce strong children to repopulate Naruto’s clans. And given how many years he’s going to spend with them, why wouldn’t he come to love them and even want a romantic relationship with them?

Besides, it’s not fun to limit things in this way and the story you adopted was all about FUN and silliness and giving Naruto a better life through a crazy series of circumstances. I’m not sure you’re staying true to that theme, at least how I saw it.
Joe Lawyer chapter 2 . 10/8/2014
No harem?! Well that just sucked all the fun out of my sails. There is a careful balancing act between fun and serious that the first chapter did amazingly well, that I’m truly hoping is maintained in the rest of the story, but the author’s note saying no harem is likely makes me nervous.
Joe Lawyer chapter 1 . 10/8/2014
I don't think I've laughed that hard at reading a single chapter in a long long time. Absolutely hilarious and with just the right amount of sexy edginess with Naruto winning all of these women to make it even better.
EagleJarl chapter 6 . 9/11/2014
This feels incomplete - I hope you do those two final scenes that you mentioned.

Avoid words like "rather" and "fairly" (rather old, fairly tall). They aren't necessary, and they rob your words of impact.

The part with the dog learning to use the toilet seemed unnecessary, and I would probably have skipped it. I certainly didn't want the image of a dog wiping its butt with toilet paper. Half of my brain was going "hang on, that's not anatomically possible" and the other half was going "that's gross."

Naruto is supposed to be six in this, right? Because he seems younger; between the near-baby talk and naming the dog "Kitty," I would let him about four. Not sure if that was deliberate, to show that he's behind his age due o malnutrition and an abandoned-child home life.
EagleJarl chapter 5 . 9/11/2014
Ohhhhhkay...yeah, that thing with Anko? Totally not creepy at all. Really. [/sarcasm]

Nice to see things getting doled out. It sounds like Naruto owning half the village is actually a good thing - the coup is canceled, he's not being abused, little whatshername isn't being put under the Caged Bird Seal...sounds pretty good for all concerned.

The claw gloves for Anko sound very cool. It would make for excellent cinematic fight scenes - wouldn't work in the actual anime, which was always pretty much a slideshow when it came to fight scenes. Would be awesome in Hollywood, though.

I had to look up what a fuma shuriken was; it's also a cool weapon. Be interesting to see how Kurenai uses it when her main thing is illusions - hide it under a cloak of illusion, maybe?

Given who the various people involved are, the Uzumaki clan is going to be astoundingly lethal.
EagleJarl chapter 2 . 9/11/2014
A few spelling nitpick off the top, specifically some words that got confused:

Heroine: a female hero
Heroin: a powerful drug (this is the one you meant to use)
Descent: the process of going down ("the descent from the mountain was hard")
Dissent: disagreement (this is the one you meant to use)

The "sissy" thing reads a little weird for me. Typically in English it would be "sis", since sissy means something else - an effeminate or weak man, with an implication of possible homosexuality.

As to the meat of it: it was really sweet seeing Naruto bonding with the girls. Also, I am very much looking forward to seeing all the birds come home to roost tomorrow. Specially Hiashi, who is more than a bit of a schmuck. And I suspect it will be a blast seeing the Hokage deal with all the various factions and keep everyone from killing everyone else.
EagleJarl chapter 1 . 9/11/2014
Cool. I read the original of this and was sad that it had been abandoned. Glad to see you've picked it up.

Not quite sure why the gender of the biju makes a difference, but I guess I'll find out.
FirestarterFLCL chapter 6 . 9/9/2014
Such an amazing piece of writing. I've never encountered a piece quite like this or as good. Hope you keep up the great work and can't wait to read more.
MWRANDOM chapter 6 . 9/8/2014
Excellent work!
Soulhope The Wolf chapter 6 . 9/4/2014
i like that naruto picked a runt as i usually try to pick the runt of a littler myself when i get the chance as my first dog was a well behaved black lab runt. miss her especially since my yellow lab is a hyper little thing . i also like that naruto named a dog kitty and trained it to use the toilet . hope for more soon keep up the good work.
The Dimensional Reader chapter 6 . 9/3/2014
Nice work on this fic. I remember reading that story idea before but was upset to see he abandoned it. Good luck on the sequel.
karthik9 chapter 6 . 9/3/2014
It is excellent chapter. I look forward to future updates.
Nightlance44 chapter 6 . 9/1/2014
Very funny keep on updating.
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