|Reviews for Rememberance|
| Scarlet Camellia626 chapter 1 . 7/20/2012
Aww this is really good. I haven't seen a good IchixSoi fic in a really long time. Keep up the good work. :3
| cargas chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
I have to this is not a 'chapter', Its a 'chapter summary'
| MyinnerDEMON17 chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
i love ichigoXsoifong fan fic
| Debido chapter 1 . 6/25/2012
Ok, so where to start with this one...
First I won't go onto spelling, grammar...it needs some overall improvement...more commas, less full stop.
The background summary story is cliched and could be equally applicable to a number of other genres.
The relationship between Ichigo and Soi Fon is poorly defined, you compress and abiguously define what binds them with 'he began to go on many of these operations with her, seemingly growing closer to her with each one.'.
The most important moments between them are:
Soi Fon getting drunk, kissing him and confessing her obsession with him.
A few midnight romps
Calling their daughter misaki
It's really important to define what IchiFon have in common, what they both value, the hardships they went through together.
IchiRuki is so easy to write because canonically they have a lot of 'moments' together that define such strong bonds.
In your IchiFon the most definition is vague allusions to fighting together, alcohol and sex. It's soo...generic...boring, unromantic, and difficult to care about.
Some other things that bothered me:
Yamamoto being a pussy whipped old fart...gah
The follow sentances:
'...That the child be named Masaki, after Ichigo's mother. Soifon's reasoning was that his mother was the most important female in his life and that the child will be just as important. He agreed to her terms but where...'
Really? He 'accepted the terms' to is first daughter being named after his mother? How cold and accept the terms of a licensing agreement. You joyously agree to name your first daughter after your mother
It's an ok summary. I didn't feel much for the characters as little time was spent on making me care abou them. When you killed off Nel...it was more of a side note. Then Ichigo McGuffind himself into killing the bad guy...mmm.
Look at writing your story summary into at least 10 to 20 chapters at 2000-3000 words per chapter, there is a story here, and I feel like I've read an extended blurb on the back of the book.. Spend the time to make the reader care about your characters, let the reader understand and appreciate what makes the relationship between IchiFon so special. Make an important character death mean something other than a footnote.
Anyway, hope that helps.
| Akatsuki-Metal chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
this story is really good i look forward to the next chapter