|Reviews for Strange Little Band Of Protection|
| Hisbabygirl011 chapter 2 . 8/18/2013
I love where this is going.. Hope you will continue.
| lovesanimals chapter 2 . 1/7/2013
You haven't posted to this story for soooooo long. Please don't abandon it!. I know that you have written quite a few stories since this one, but I really want to know what is going on with Danny's sister.
| FicreaderT chapter 2 . 1/1/2013
A great start! I like this story so far but am wondering if you plan to finish it since it's been a while since you updated. I'd like to know how long it takes Steve to track them down and why Molly is in town...
| bridgette22 chapter 2 . 12/26/2012
Are you going to continue this story? I think it's great
| LadyAilith chapter 2 . 10/22/2012
I do hope that you'll continue your story. I really enjoyed reading the chapters that you've posted!
| francis2 chapter 2 . 6/26/2012
I like Molly already, especially for how she brings out a different Danny. Can't wait to read more.
| Kit Merlot chapter 2 . 6/25/2012
I like Molly and Danny's sibling bond and I hope we get to see her interacting with Grace as well as the rest of the team.
And of course I hope we get to see why Molly's so upset and if Danny and the team can help her.
| cmwinner chapter 2 . 6/25/2012
Um, she should not have had to go through customs. Hawaii is one of the 50 states. She's just going from one state to another. No customs needed.
| CMariaD chapter 1 . 6/25/2012
This was an interesting start. I'm interested to see how it goes.
I found 1 "non-Americanism" though-something to be careful of, since it appears you're a non-American writer writing American characters & settings.
You had Danny saying "Take me back to mine okay?" after he got the phone call from his sister.
Americans *do not* say "take me back to mine okay" the way you've used it in Chapter 1. We use "mine" when either discussing something that belongs to us ("That car is mine") or when discussing something like a gold or other mineral mine. ("So & so worked at the local gold mine", or whatever)
Instead of saying "Take me back to mine okay" to Steve, when he wanted to go home after getting the phone call from his sister, Danny would've said 1 of the following:
"Take me back to my place okay" OR
"Take me back to my apartment okay" OR
"Take me back to my house okay" (if he lived in a house).
But, as an American he definitely *would not* have said "Take me back to mine okay".
Nothing will take some readers out of a fic faster than when they see American characters consistently speaking using non-American terms (calling an "elevator" a "lift", a "truck" a "lorrie", "French Fries" being called "crisps", "cookies" being called "biscuits", etc.) or when they see the metric system being used in place of the US measurement system of inches, feet, yards, miles, pounds, etc. (though in the US we *do* use "millimeters" fairly regularly; I mean Five-0 uses 9 millimeter guns... we just don't use measurements like "kilometers", "centimeters" or "decimeters" regularly).
Anyway... sorry for that rant. I used to Beta for a lot of non-American (mostly British) writers in another fandom & helped them "Americanize" their fics in very successful partnerships. My eyes still immediately go to "non-Americanisms" in any fic I read.
Good job, overall though. Keep going.
| CinderH chapter 2 . 6/25/2012
Can't wait to see what the problem is. And I just loved the sentence about the whole team not to be sitting on his towel when they came out of the water.
| Qweb chapter 2 . 6/25/2012
I like the way the team checks on Danny and he knows they will. And the wayhe relates it to Jersey.
| shb85 chapter 1 . 6/24/2012
cool so far, hope his sister is ok