|Reviews for Forging A King|
| orionastro chapter 58 . 12/4
amazing story . great epilogue
| Shadow fear chapter 40 . 11/24
I'm not sure if you caught it but in your story you wrote Wormtail had hit Harry with an arrow... i just wanted to let you know! Have a nice day!
| thewolf74 chapter 58 . 11/12
This was wonderful story. I'm getting ready to read the sequel.
| thewolf74 chapter 29 . 11/10
Working with children. Either in a day care or in a school.
| Guest chapter 31 . 11/5
This chapter... the scene with Remus and Ginny was too forced. "Oh no, I look vaguely similar to my crush's mother; that is mildly creepy so I guess any chance at us having a relationship is gone!". I was annoyed you ignored obvious things like Harry's 'gem compass' again, just to draw to story out. You've only mildly abused the idiot ball so far, so I really hope you don't start having Harry carry it all the time. Finally, for all the build up you had to Harry's horse getting named, the final decision was pretty weak (randomly choosing on the spot). Anyways, just trying to give constructive criticism.
| Guest chapter 30 . 11/5
The biggest problem I have with this story is its tone. You can't have every other character treating Harry like this is a 'Harry the elfling' story and stil expect Harry to look like a BAMF. It just doesn't work. You keep repeating scenic formula, with the 'Harry cooks and rulers find him endearing', so I really wish you wouldn't lay it on so thick each time. We get it. Harry is charming and 'innocent-but-not-really'. It feels like your characters are in a loop, with no real development happening. Still a good story, with bonus points for being complete.
| Guest chapter 26 . 11/5
I'm pretty sure that Harry-the-stag would have a broken spine after this chapter. Stags are not horses; they don't have the same girth, endurance, or capacity to carry weight. Just saying. It would make more sense if Harry had taken some hair from Bill way back when he first got the diamond. He could replace that form with a real horse in Rohan.
| Guest chapter 25 . 11/5
Ha! Knew it. I was wondering when he'd get an eagle feather
| Guest chapter 21 . 11/4
Last comment, I promise:
*my Lady and I have taken a fondness to you." said Lord Celeborn. "Your eyes," he said lifting the long bangs out of Harry's eyes. "are quite beautiful, it reminds us of our forest in springtime."*
Thank god Harry's eyes aren't turquoise! With the number of elves who comment on his eyes, he could cause a mass exodous of elves from Middle Earth if his eyes made them think of the sea!
| Guest chapter 21 . 11/4
* *I was toying with that outburst, I want to put it in my first story, just haven't found the right time yet*
The outburst was perfect for canon Harry at this point in the books. Just look at how he reacted to the prophesy. I really liked it.
The outburst also further supports my previous comment about Dumbledore's description of Harry. I still think that needs edited.
| Guest chapter 21 . 11/4
*He's kind, as kind as a spring rain. Gentle and innocent as a baby kitten and yet brave as a tiger and fierce as a dragon guarding it's lair*
Facepalm. So many facepalms. ALL of the facepalms. Seriously, at least when Harry was sickeningly corny, he acknowledged it as such. "Gentle and innocent as a baby kitten"... really? Assuming I agreed with you on this description of Harry, do you really need to add the word 'baby' to describe a kitten? Isn't that implied? With his childhood and early Hogwarts years, I am fairly certain the last word to describe Harry would be 'innocent'. He's not really 'gentle', either (a better word might be 'empathic'). The tiger bit also irked me, but I think it just seemed a poor choice for Harry when 'lion' would have more appropriate, with his background and based on stereotypical animal associations (come on, it's Gryff's symbol for a reason). All in all, it seemed far too saccharine.
That said, I think a good alternative for innocent would be 'virtuous'. Saying someone is innocent generally implies two things: that the person is virtuous and that they are naive. At this point in canon, post Cedric's death, I don't think Harry is naive like he is in the first few books. Instead, is foolish actions come from him being 'rash', so maybe another substitute you could have made for innocent would be 'passionate'.
So an alternative:
*He's kind, as kind as a spring rain, yet passionate like a storm. Empathic yet impetuous. He is brave as a lion and fierce as a dragon guarding it's lair.*
But that's just my opinion. Anything less groan-worthy would be great.
| Guest chapter 19 . 11/4
Alternate chapter title:
Harry Potter - Earth Bender
| Guest chapter 17 . 11/4
You have him shut his -right- eye right after the collapse, but then later it is his left eye that is damaged. You say his scar is extended, but that is over his right eye, not his left. If you ever touch this fic again, I'd fix these to make the injury clearer.
I'm guessing the injury is just a plot device for Harry getting a miraculous 'cure-all' magic stone in the next chapter. I hope he'll actually use the compass again soon. It didn't make sense he didn't check it after he got the previous gem, and it could choose his personal direction through Moria. Speaking of the previous gem, I hope he registered a wolf form during the mountains scene. Even if it's never used, it wouldn't make sense for him to be relying on only a deer (being prey is generally inadvisable) and a snake as his forms.
| Guest chapter 16 . 11/4
*She's a logical thinker, she's not one for emotions and human complexity.*
Wait, -really-? Interesting take on Hermione. Makes me think of the Cho Chang kiss scene, where Hermione tries to explain all the different feelings Cho is having, and Ron says something to the effect of 'no way someone can feel all that at once'. To which Hermione responds with her oft-quoted 'just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon, doesn't mean we all have'. That was in canon 5th year, so I think you're a bit late vs. canon to be calling her emotionally stunted. Further, the rabbit is a bit harsh to hold against her, since her callousness is in response to Trelawny's fortune telling, not lack of empathy for Lavender's loss (although I could see how you'd think that). It's not -too- out of character, though, so it still works.
| Guest chapter 15 . 11/4
Alright, you've restored my faith in this story. I thought you'd explain the hand via severe splinching, but I guess transfiguration works? I would think trained healers would have spells to identify real remains, but I'm happy to see you didn't veer into "dark" story-telling on a whim.