|Reviews for Code of the Dead|
| Animator Writer of Fiction chapter 12 . 11/13/2013
I think you overlooked the part about the real thing about Lyoko is after they get devitalized they cannot get back until twelve(12) hours passed as we can well see in the show. However, in this story it looked like only 5 minutes passed when she was sen back to Lyoko.
| Anonymous chapter 4 . 11/12/2013
What do the -M- mean? If you can explain that in a future chapter or a glossary where we see that at least in the end?
| Elemental Hybrid chapter 5 . 4/21/2013
I love this story so much I'm re-reading it!
| Cool chapter 13 . 1/28/2013
Awesome story...please update soon!
| EternalEmotions107 chapter 13 . 1/16/2013
I want to start off by complimenting your story. I truly like it and hope to read more soon. No pressure of course, updating is a pain in the ass when you're busy.
The positives for me are the fact that it's a ZOMBIE FIC (XD) and that you included my favorite pairings. The story itself has improved since your first chapter. Overall, you did a pretty good job keeping everyone in character. Though I could never see Ulrich giving Yumi "gun fingers" and saying "wassup girl?", I'll admit, it still made me laugh.
But my biggest problem is your OC. I don't mean to flame, but I'd love to give you my constructive criticism, so please don't take it personally or think that I hate your story, because I don't. But let's look at (or uh, read about) your description of Elise, shall we?
"Elise Blanchette: Elise has low-shoulder length, thin, silky blonde hair that has a purple streak down the left side. Her normal attire is much like Odd's; it consists of a purple tang top underneath a tight red v-neck, purple skinny jeans, and red Converses. She is extremely pretty, which she uses to her advantage to get her way, but only when it's absolutely necessary. Elise quickly becomes good friends Odd, who shares her love for video games and the color purple. Like Odd, she is very playful and immature, but looks out for her teammates in a way that is unmatched. She is a very caring individual and always see's the best in everyone and everything. After proving that she is somewhat of a computer whiz, Jeremy bumps her to third in command (behind him and Aelita). Although she appears to be absolutely perfect, she has a gruesome past (or secret, maybe?). (More info later) Her Lyoko attire consists of a light green body suit with a blue stripe down the side of each leg and a blue tinted translucent mini-skirt (like Aelita's season 4 outfit) around her waist. She wears blue boots and blue finger-less gloves, along with a small earring on her left ear that functions as an earpiece, allowing her to speak to and hear people on Lyoko no matter how far away they are. Elise has two very distinct sets of weapons. Her most prominent weapons are the two hidden blades that are just below her wrists, enabling her to jab enemies at short distances. Her other weapon is Pyrokinesis (meaning she can control digital fire with her mind). Enemies that are on fire take 5 more life points of damage per second. (I'll put more about her later. I don't want to spoil the surprises! :D)"
Where do I begin? Elise is a classic Mary-Sue. Found often in Fanfics. The qualities are:
-Extremely or unusually pretty, but usually denies it or doesn't act upon it. In Elise's case, she only uses it when "absolutely necessary". Also, the fact that she walked out of a fight with dozens of zombies without a single scratch is a bit too lucky, as to not damage her “angelic figure” or “blemish-free face”. I hope that will change at some point. All of them are going to walk out with their scars after all of this, and Elise should be no exception. Also, on Lyoko, she has a “sexier” form than any of them right away, which also makes me raise my eyebrow in slight disbelief.
-Her skills are outstanding right away. She apparently has never fought before against anyone, but is doing amazing for her first time against the zombies. She is very much capable with her Lyoko weapons only after a short time and barley any training. How do you think the Lyoko warriors became so good? They practiced, a lot. And learned from their mistakes. Remember watching Xana Awakens? They were all awkward and just starting as fighters. You say things like her balancing skills were perfect right away, and despite never riding the elevator, or is being virtualized for the first time, she wasn't perfect, but still did really well for her first time. She should be able to make a fool out of herself, or even just mess up, but learn from it.
-Makes friends with everyone right away. Jeremie may be an exception to right away, but still, it's pretty strange how quickly they let her in and trust her. Yes, they need a lot of help now, but it's not just for Lyoko. They all bond with her and become friends. Everyone is just drawn to her with almost no problems. Odd and her are close, she and Aelita get along great, Ulrich was the first to trust her, and she and Yumi fought together on Lyoko her first time. And since she's also apparently super smart, Jeremie promoted her to third in command after only knowing her for a short time.
-She's very kind and virtous. Hasn't done a single thing to hurt anyone, other than kill zombies with the rest of them. She keeps a positive outlook on everything, rarely showing a sign of negative feelings. I don't mean sadness, I mean frustration or envy. Maybe annoyance at things like no hot water, but her not getting fed up, even in her thoughts make her seem unrealistic. And don't get me wrong, it's a great quality to be positive, but too much is . . . well too much.
-She's “cool”. Just simply cool. Doesn't make mistakes. Even though her introductory chapter is titled “Damsel in Distress”, she turns out to be powerful and chilled afterwards. Has the capabilities to steal the show, but wouldn't because she's too nice, and in a way too mellow (not to be mistaken for laid back, if you describe her as being energetic like Odd).
–Has an angsty, mysterious past. This is the major point for me. You stated that she “appears to be absolutely perfect, but has a gruesome past”. Big mistake, mentioning that she appears perfect. NO ONE IS PERFECT. If you're going to make a character have a tragic past, it has to include character development, and FLAWS. Aelita has a tragic past, but she's not perfect. She's a great character, but she has flaws, and is also relateable. Often typical Mary Sue's have terrible pasts, which is supposed to justify the fact that she is perfect because she “didn't deserve it”. That isn't an excuse.
Last point. In your most recent chapter, you state what is going on with each Lyoko warrior. They're all having a hard time, that is clear. Odd is a shell of himself, working on his music in solitude. Yumi is paranoid, having a fear of everything. Jeremie is wearing himself out by over-working. Aelita is trying her best to help, but she's having problems with Odd. Ulrich's is depressed, but he has a healthy way to deal with it. Elise. You admit she has a cynical side to her, but I never see that. How is stranding on a bridge keeping guard a bag thing? It's not. She's the only one who does something perfectly right when she honors the dead while everyone else is dealing with their own problems? Doesn't she have something to cry, scream, or feel anything other than strength and optimism about?
I know you made a joke about her being a typical Mary Sue (well, actually it was Odd, but you know what I mean). But that doesn't justify it. At least Elise isn't whiny or desperate like the world's biggest Mary Sue Bella Swan, but still, I wish you would've made her more three-dimensional instead of having her be so cool and talented, always saying the right things, being funny and extremely pretty, and an angsty past. It's ok to have a few of these qualities, just NOT ALL OF THEM. I'm only saying this because I truly enjoy this story, and I just don't want a Mary Sue bringing it down. I'd recommend this site so you can reconsider how you're going to continue developing Elise. clubs/writing/articles/4391/title/mary-sue-101-how-spot-how-stay-away
I hope this doesn't come off as a flame, I really don't. And I'm sorry if this hurts you. I hope you just keep this in mind as you continue writing. Hope to hear from you soon. :)
| Mephilia Venus chapter 13 . 12/19/2012
Oh dear. A Lyoko warrior who's terrified of everything. This can't be good.
| eko24 chapter 13 . 12/16/2012
I love this story... Oddlita forever 3 I do hope you get the next chapter up soon but I understand if you have a busy schedule.
| eko24 chapter 12 . 10/26/2012
Pretty good. I hope there is more soon. I ship Oddlita so hard so I love this 3
| dying english chapter 8 . 9/16/2012
I hear Code of the Living Dead is pretty good as well as the story that inspired it "Odd of the Dead".
| Ares-A chapter 12 . 9/2/2012
Awesome chapter. Keep up the good work and good luck in school
| Shiza Hako chapter 12 . 8/29/2012
I like it keep it up
| Shiza Hako chapter 10 . 8/29/2012
| Shiza Hako chapter 9 . 8/29/2012
| Shiza Hako chapter 8 . 8/29/2012
KISSING ROMANCE MAYBE A SMALL BIT OF SEXUAL THINGS. IF ODD LIVES VERY FUNNY INNUENDO *fan boy moment to the max*
| Shiza Hako chapter 7 . 8/29/2012
Me love this and what the heck is strep?