|Reviews for Time's Cherry Blossom|
| LuckyShadowWolf chapter 1 . 8/21/2012
...Great the evil of fangirlism continues on even though their adolescents! Otherwise I enjoyed reading this!
| BloodRuby chapter 1 . 8/20/2012
I liked your story.
It's stories like these I want to see, the development of Sakura's character and the strong emotions she harbors. I think you depicted her right because Sakura is overly emotional and does wear her heart on her sleeves no matter how hard she tries to portray herself as emotionally strong. She herself even knows that's a weakness.
Here your showing her emotional stand point on her quest to getting Sasuke back and I think its safe to say that you nailed it. She would regret asking Naruto to bring Sasuke back for selfish reasons and she would later become determined to show her worth and be a part of the team to bring Sasuke back.
Awesome job, hun!
| chronicxxinsanity chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
Hey, I finally got to my laptop so that I can leave you a lengthy review. :3
To start, I think the first few things you've put in the summary aren't necessary (at least where they are).
"SasukexSakura One-shot. Angst.- "
We know the pairing because you've chosen it when you made the story, we know that it's in the Angst genre, and if you want to tell us it's a oneshot I've found that the best area for that is at the end. Summaries seem to be best when they just start off with what the story is about instead of telling us things about the story like pairings or genres.
Otherwise, the summary was nice. :)
The beginning was nice, but I started to get confused around the “Time can never look but, but I can” part (like, the last three paragraphs of the italicized part). Outside of that being a little confusing, I think it helped to set the mood of the story.
I understood the part about pain being a cycle within the human body, but the part before that (about the tears being the same, or something?), you kind of lost me there. XD I had no clue what you were talking about, so perhaps there is a better way to explain it or something?
There were a few run on sentences that made me a little mentally-breathless reading them.
“I remember it as if it were just the previous day-actually in my dreams it is the previous day perhaps that's why I remember it so well- I remember the breeze shifting as he appeared behind me, the sensation of his cool breath grazing my ear and his presence…..I cannot forget that…no matter how hard I try.”
This was all one sentence that could easily be broken down into smaller, more manageable ones.
“I don't know which one will win….I don't know which one I want to win…..I know, I've always known, that Naruto cares deeply for me; he cares for me like I care for Sasuke, still, I cannot truly say I want him to best Sasuke.”
This one wasn't necessarily terribly long, but it felt like it could be separated into better sentences. (Before 'still' feels like it should be the end of the previous sentence.)
There were also a few sentences that seemed to be missing words. It only threw me off cause I'm a complete grammar-Nazi. XD
“I've grown stronger since my Sasuke left I intend to use my power...” There should probably be an and in there somewhere cause between “left” and “I” it felt like a gap in the sentence. I don't think those normally throw people off, though, so don't sweat it!
There were a few unnecessary commas that may have been added for dramatic pauses, but once they're overused it tends to adds a sort of cheesiness to it.
“The picture I have sitting aside my bed, is one of a happier time...”
This would be perfectly fine as one long sentence.
I think you may overuse ellipsis (…), but that's okay cause I used to do that ALL the time. :) Try using a few commas or just take out the ellipsis, since not all of them are necessary.
I thought it was a little odd that you called Kakashi “Master”. If anything, Tsunade would be called a master cause of her status, but Kakashi is her teacher, and is normally called Kakashi-sensei or -sempai, if they're not his students anymore.
I love that Sakura really really wants to be useful. :) I've seen stories where they don't acknowledge the fact that she was basically useless for a while. XD
When people say “the former” or “the latter” right after a list of words, you generally don't have to repeat what you're talking about. “I feel regret, shame and responsibility. The latter-responsibility- is because...” We've just read the list, and unless you've separated the sentences by a few sentences, you don't need to repeat it. :)
So, with dialogue, when you separate what someone is saying by a sentence, you should only end the narration with a comma IF the previous part of the dialogue ended in a comma.
Example: “my own cherry hair, “It's time for us to join with the rest of the ranks.” “
“...rival a shaky smile, “Yes. Of course, Ino-chan...” “
It looks like a majority of the sentences before dialogue end in a comma. When in doubt, go with a period. :)
I like that it ended on a slightly happier note – at least she was laughing with Ino. :)
Anyway, I hope I helped a bit (and didn't terrify you!). Haha. I've been told my corrections can be a little over the top, but oh well. :) Pick and choose what you want to use and feel free to ask if something wasn't explained properly.
| teddy meister chapter 1 . 7/3/2012
This is really good :D I loved the beginning. The story was lovely; it really captures Sakura's emotions and your writing was so deep. Some parts were odd, like the others said, but otherwise it was pretty good.
| Justagoodguy chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
... That was... amazing... I could literally feel Sakura's pain. I don't usually read stories like this, but this was very much worth it, good work... keep it up *hugs*
| XxLizzie-chanxX chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
This was a really beautiful and mature story :) I love the way you began this and how much it sounded like an actual book. Fantastic job :) it makes me jealous of how well you did lol anyways, may I throw a suggestion? Maybe, possibly can there be a sequel, like another one-shot to go along with this, but in another's p.o.v.? Just wondering . Anyways... Great job again:)
Lots of love, lizzie-chan
| SoshifiedVIP chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
This story definitely stays true to Sakura and doesn't try to "Mary-Sue" her into something that she's not, which is refreshing to see since most fics tend to do just that!
Though there are parts where some sentences come out awkward or seem a bit block-y (when Ino and Sakura say something together) but other than that, it's looking pretty good so far!
| Akemi3477 chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
It's kind of different from other...angast one-shots told from Sakura's point of view, but that's a good thing- no need to read the same thing over and over again. It had a nice flow besides a point in the middle where it seemed kind of fractured: "Sasuke doesn't want that…..he just wants it all to burn." I don't know if it's just me or if that's really an issue, you should probably get someone else's opinion on that. And at the end, where Ino and Sakura were running didn't sound right either. I can't figure it out why, but, again, ask someone else for a deep(ish) opinion
| Razifray chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
I didn’t see any grammar mistakes maybe it was because I was so consumed by your impressive writing. You nailed Sakura down to a ‘T’ at least what I would think Sakura was like on the inside, I definitely would picture a lot of internal conflict and you expressed that well. The chapter paced smoothly, enough so that I was able to stay interested with it all the way through. I could also feel the emotion in your writing, I could almost feel empathy for Sakura and in a way you’re writing gave a different perspective of Sakura, one that isn’t so annoying. What I mean is we only see Sakura on the outside and it tends to annoy people how she acts, but never do we really get to dive into her internal conflict and using 1st person was a great way to make Sakura more likeable. Overall, I liked the chapter and I hope you continue.
-Critics United (Your friend Flower)
| Lone Wolf King chapter 1 . 6/26/2012
I like it:D
Very well written, with only a few minor typos:P
Don't normally read Sasu/Saku fics but this one was good, good job:P