|Reviews for Final Fantasy World: Most Wanted|
| Guest chapter 6 . 1/1
Hmmm... this story would probably work better as a movie script because of all the quick POV transitions and clipped scenes. That's how movies are, a bunch of quick scenes when there's action going on.
I wonder if you would be better off on writing screenplays/scripts for movies or action sequences? then you could use chat script and many fade in-fade out mini scenes. it would be more your style rather than the standard literary style of keeping things consistent
Anyways best of luck to you and hope the constructive criticism and suggestions help you improve your writing. I just want to help, not offend! Feel free to delete my reviews if you dont want or need them. oh and happy new year :P
| Guest chapter 5 . 1/1
When you switch POV, you might want to do it in a way different than actually saying you're switching POV. I think this story is good but it could be improved by a HUGE amount if you changed the whole story to third person POV. that way you will have an omniscient narrator and not have to worry about POV switches
Hope that helps
| Guest chapter 4 . 1/1
much better chapter...but I didn't understand why you switched the POV from first person ("I") to third person in the chat script...again i think you have a good imagination and dialogue but the formatting may put off some people who might otherwise really like your story
| Guest chapter 3 . 1/1
This chapter was much better because the formatting made it readable and you started by describing the character and setting, which is an improvement. Remember to 'show' not tell in your stories and describe the five sense (touch taste sound smell sight)
| Guest chapter 2 . 1/1
I would remove the italics and use less chat script so that the story is more engaging.
You probably have a great story but you formatting is a bit problematic from what i've seen in chapters 1 and 2. You should be trying to draw in readers with the first word in the first paragraph of the first page in teh first chapter-try to focus on creating some hook to get readers in. Hope that helps.
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/1
if u want to get more readers, i would remove the list from the first chapter and put some of the story there so you can draw them in. No offense to you but I usually click back if the first chapter is a list. hope that helps, I'm sure u have a good story but you should put that before the list :)
| Darth Necron chapter 71 . 9/15/2013
I was curious to see how such a ambitious Final Fantasy Cross over would unfold, sadly it did not live up to my expectations. The plot felt rather, confusing at times, like it was paper thin. The majority of the cast felt unauthentic. I also felt let down you only included those from 7 and up, though with how things unfolded here I suppose that its for the best.
Script Writing for this is not the best idea but I started out writing like this so I won't hold it against you.
You do have some good ideas but they seemed rushed and whatnot. Since you seem to be a big fan of Final Fantasy I hope you like my Tales of the Cosmic Wars trilogy, its also a massive crossover, it took me a while to get it molded in to something grand as well. Well, not bad for a first story, good luck on future work.
| Darkeela chapter 11 . 8/2/2012
Well Jarad, I have to say your writing skills have improved. Unfortunately, from the format of this story, it is blatently obvious to another roleplayer that you are still a one liner. However, you posess the imagination tobe alot better. You've had a taste of my roleplay, yes? The way I write, you are well capable of, this story here is proof of exactly that. You have great ideas bunched up together, however they need a little more elaboation and to be a bit more spread out. If you could figure out how to do this you would be on the right track.
Lol, I see once again you favour Lightning Farron and Aya Brea. In this story you've tried to place far too many significant characters into such small roles, if you want to have so many characters in one story you'll need to in future put less of them together at once, for a more significant period of time. That way, fans of different characters can really have the chance to see them at work. You need more focus on the character traits, and while I understand that this is an original story/parody, you still need to keep an essence of their character as a whole. For a basic example, Cloud. He isn't very emotional, aside from when it comes to Tifa. He gives off an air of a more depressing scale, a reluctant hero if you will. He wouldn't be the one to be making jokes, that is Zacks role. Now you seem to have switched Zacks personality with Clouds. Zack is bubbly, hot headed, and ready to jump into any situation. He's the one who would be cracking jokes at a tense moment, or diving into the action first without thinking it through. I am not in any way implying your version of the characters should be scolded, but more attention to detail when it comes to their personality is needed.
Now, as for the layout of this story. In all honesty, this is not book printing material, it is unique though. This seems more like the scripted storyline for a game, which I find amusing seeing as you have based this story around a game. I think that may well be something you could pursue, as you have all the qualitys needed for as such. I believe you have too much dialog here for this to be a proper story, you need to even out that ratio. Also with the way you have done the characters name before their speech has gotten annoying the more I read it. Again, gamer dialog, not story material.
The plot I found to be very simple. It wasn't hard to follow, however some parts didn't seem to be attatched to eachother, so just be careful of that. Make sure everything you write has a purpose, otherwise you'll confuse the reader. There isn't much needed to be said here, but this plot hasn't drawn me in.
All in all, not a bad job. But I do think that you can do better then this. A good effort, granted, so I will be keeping watch, brother.
| Michael Mario chapter 2 . 8/1/2012
I'm sorry if I made you upset with my eariler review- it just takes one thing little thing to make me deem the story as not worth reading. I'm not denoucing your writing ability. I'm sure this story has fans, so keep going for them! It's them that will read it and them you have to satisfy. Again, sorry if I was too harsh and keep going for the story's fans. It just seemed weird to me (and others that share my opinion) that you left out a significant portion of Cosmos's warriors (like more than half of those that actually beat Chaos as mentioned in this in this chapter).
Edit- oops! I just realized you aren't ignoring the other warriors- your just not using them! I really am sorry for the misunderstanding then! Still my cup of tea, but still! Aren't I the fool then. Not a good first review for me then ;D.
| Michael Mario chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
...Well done, you killed any interest I could have had in this story right there. Looking at your roster, I noticed you did you seem to have a preference towards Final Fantasy games with futuristic settings. That's... phew..what really sets me off is that the desciption clearly includes "the Warriors of Cosmos" and yet you couldn't even bother to include them all. Thats all it would have taken to keep that interest.
I question if you even bothered playing at LEAST I,IV,V, and VI (especially VI since its battle system is practically the same as VII (the main difference being the poor 'Desperation Attacks' which were refined for VII as Limit Breaks and the differences between the Magicite and Materia)). The two unmentioned games, can be passed, granted, but you could have at least went with a minimalist approach like you did with IX (I may be wrong if there are more than just three, but STILL).
I'm sorry if this comes of as a rant, but Dissidia is about celebrating ALL of the games in the series, not just the ones on your list because you prefer them/ haven't bothered playing the others (just use the Final Fantasy Wiki if you need info- it's what I'm doing for XIII XIII-2 (battle system doesn't even seem fun and I KNOW how it works)).
I'm also sorry if this comes across as irritable and hateful (not my intention), but it frustrates and depresses me when the first six games are ignored/excluded like this. I'm fine if you haven't played all the games in the series (heck, I haven't, but I'd like to get VIII and X (played all except those two, XII (have it and I seriously need to get off my ass and play it), and XIII (reason given above, not sure about it, and given a very negative review by my friend who played and finished it).
Before I finish this way too long review, I should make it clear I don't HATE ANY of the games on the list (speaking of which, why Parasite Eve? It is made by SE but isn't Final Fantasy at all), even XIII (it's just the gameplay that turns me off, everything else is fine) or its sequel. Just keep this in mind if you make another fic in this section.