|Reviews for Unatoned|
| The Skeptical Puck chapter 9 . 7/25/2012
Great story, love the noir feel and look forward to more
| Silens Cursor chapter 6 . 7/24/2012
Sterling Greengrass continues to be my favourite character in this story, and I think I've nailed down why - he's the character with the most personality by FAR.
Let me try to explain this. Astoria, as far as I can tell, is basically party-girl-with-daddy-issues. Daphne, admittedly, does have some interesting character traits, but everything with her is a mask - there's very little there that's real I can put my finger on. But Sterling is a character who's not only straightforward with his generally contemptible horribleness, but you can tell there's also some degree of layers to his character. There's real personality and flavour there, the kind of stuff that makes gothic noir stories work.
As it is right now, the overall plot is still very slow, but what you do have here is engaging. I'd like to see more personality out of Harry, but I bet we'll see some of that with Astoria sitting on his desk.
| Silens Cursor chapter 5 . 7/24/2012
So now we're back to business, and the perfect noir tone returns. A little jarring, but it works.
At this point, the traditional noir archetypes for Daphne and Astoria have come together well, and while I initially expected Daphne to be more angry that Astoria had seduced Harry, it does make sense with her... cold isn't the right word, so I'm going to go with 'distant' personality.
I guess if I was to have a complaint, I'd say that the plot and general scene construction so far is basic and traditional and standard for noir, but you execute them with a lot of flair and style that does make up for it.
| Silens Cursor chapter 4 . 7/24/2012
Well, that got weird.
I wasn't expecting this twist, going into all amounts of heavy drugs with the kind of imagery that suggested that Astoria definitely gave Harry some perverse blend of ecstasy and acid. And while I can't say the chapter is bad - I have a fondness for the weird and twisted, particularly when it comes to this sort of story, I have a hard time buying Harry's chivalrous streak, particularly coming off of the last chapter when he spent all that time trying to eye-fuck Claire. Yes, Astoria is young and she was likely doing shit she couldn't handle - well, from the looks of things, she can handle herself a hell of a lot better than Harry could, that's for sure.
And that leads me to one complaint I do have with this chapter - you use a lot of great imagery here, but I'm not sure you were able to quite preserve the noir tone. Everything in this chapter feels a bit too slick and modern, and it's really jarring coming off of the last chapter.
Also, on the topic of modern, I'm not a fan of Astoria - the spoiled Jersey Shore-esque drugged-up brat that she is - deciding that the newest fashion trend is trashy Muggle attire. It's not that the choice is bad, I just think it lacks some creativity on your part - you could have explored the wizarding world of sleaze, but instead you just made it somewhat predictable. I gotta say, a little disappointing.
| Silens Cursor chapter 3 . 7/24/2012
I'm trying to get a handle on your plot here, and I've got to be honest, I find it hard to justify Harry's motive. Is it just that he feels that Daphne tricked him, so he's investigating into the death of her husband? I guess if we're supposed to identify with Harry, we're of the opinion he's somewhat interested in Daphne for other reasons, but I dunno - I certainly wouldn't say the two of them had any chemistry.
Once again, the atmosphere is stellar, but to me, Harry still doesn't have quite enough personality to make him all that memorable as a narrator. It seems like you've taken the standard noir-detective narrator and crammed Harry Potter into the role - and while it works, I feel it lacks a bit of flavour.
The segment with Clair was just painful to read. You characterized her awkwardness well, but with Harry constantly putting her on edge and checking her out, it just came across a bit weird. I'm still trying to put my finger on why, but I suspect I'll come to it soon.
| Silens Cursor chapter 2 . 7/24/2012
I won't keep complimenting you on your noir styling - you've got it down perfect to a tee, and your attention to detail really adds a certain Gothic element to it. Lots of perfection and class and style on the outside, flawed, poisonous, generally contemptible people on the inside. In other words, considering what I like, I dig it.
That being said, by having Harry operate as the narrator in this sort of story, you automatically confine him to something of an observer position. I get the role of the investigator and what it means, but it also unfortunately puts him in the position where he's by position less interesting than the cast you've introduced thus far. Hopefully, you can alleviate this by giving him more personality in his narration.
Overall, the first introduction to Daphne here is good, albeit fawning. Granted, some of that is associated with the genre, but at the same time, you might want to tamp it back a bit.
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/24/2012
Well, I can't say it's a bad start. You have a deft hand with the little noir touches that make this story unique, and while I'm not as easily impressed as some, there are some great scenes here.
Also, Sterling Greengrass managed to earn points with me just for playing the deathly ill hateful old man to a tee. He's a pretty compelling character, even if I'm acutely aware he won't survive the story.
Overall, good start, albeit a bit slow. It's not the kind of hook that's going to draw every type of reader in, if you catch my drift, but it works for what it is.
| cookiesrevil chapter 9 . 7/23/2012
another great chapter can't wait for number 10
| Benevolent Abyss chapter 9 . 7/23/2012
Huh. Good old Lucius spilled the beans, huh? He was part of the old game, so how much of his words should we trust?
All of it? I dunno. It'd be easy to take all of it as truth, but part of me thinks Lucius is just being Lucius and being spiteful. He spoke too easily, and despite being angry with Bletchley I highly doubt he'd just tell.
What do I know, though.
So frustrating, but I can't wait for more!
I'm eager to see how Harry shows up...
| Guest chapter 9 . 7/23/2012
Really enjoying this story, and it's great to have such regular updates. Very well written and characters that really get me interested and invested in them.
Keep it up - I look forward to reading more :)
| bakapervert chapter 9 . 7/22/2012
Thanks for the update.
| Tha Golden Boy chapter 9 . 7/22/2012
As the story progresses, I find myself more and more intrigued by Daphne's character. So now we know that she indeed did have meetings with the Death Eaters and while she was unmarked she might have done some jobs for Voldemort. I can't wait to find out more info about her: she's like a puzzle that Harry just has to finish (and vice-versa on her part for Harry).
So Astoria also slept with Daphne's husband during her Hogwarts days. Is there anybody she hasn't slept with LOL? That must be a real turn off for Harry since Bletchley was old, and Astoria went willingly into his bed is presume.
I'm looking forward to the ball and the interactions between Daphne and Harry: best part of the story.
| Guest chapter 9 . 7/22/2012
awesome chapter. can't wait for next.
| Nerox511 chapter 9 . 7/22/2012
Very well written, intriguing plot. Brilliant read mate.
| stonegnome1 chapter 9 . 7/22/2012
The next question is how reliable is Lucius' testimony?