|Reviews for Unatoned|
| Fullmetal11791 chapter 23 . 3/4/2013
This was such a kickass story, really well written and well thought out. Seriously, one of the best crime novels I have read on this site. I am a bit confused as to how Harry could have the power and skill to beat Riddle, the strongest wizard in centuries, stronger than Dumbledore at his best, and yet Daphne was able to match him. That was the only real problem I had with this story. And while I understand that it had to be done so that the crime/ mystery aspect could shine, it still bothered me a bit. I understand that one could argue that Harry did not have the skill or power to kill Riddle, and I'd probably agree, that the prophecy helped and the bullshit soul fragment in his head absorbing the killing curse, but still, it bothered me a bit.
I really loved Sterlings reaction at the end as I can picture him leaving everything to Harry just to spite Daphne, because he would know that Harry wouldn't give her much. Really, you wrote his character really well, the conversation in the first chapter was one of my highlights in the story.
I think you wrote Daphne very very well. And while I disagree with you that this is what Daphney's character should always be, as I have seen her written other ways quite convincingly, I DO agree that you have written an almost perfect "Ice Bitch" representation of her, and also agree the whole one chapter, tough outside sold inside thing is annoying. I personally wouldn't want to read Daphne like you write her all of the time, because it adds a lot of stress to the story, but yea, fantastic job writing her.
I will say that chapter 21 was kinda boring with al of the flashbacks, and I think it could have been summed up a bit more contritely, but that's w/e.
Lastly, I think what you chose to do for the ending was pretty ballsy. Setting up the entire story and ending it with no winners really kept in tune with the story you had been presenting so far and I applaud you for that. While I think most would have liked Harry to have won at the end, it would have been expected and boring, and really, Harry was just as broken as Daphne and I think you finished this quite well.
Postscript: wish shacklebolt had made an appearance. I think he would have been a bit more sympathetic to Harry's problems and it coulda been interesting to see.
Added to favorites and gonna check out your other stories :)
| Fullmetal11791 chapter 1 . 3/4/2013
I can't really describe how happy I am you decided to write something like this. I fucking love old Noir books and movies. Only one chapter in and I can already tell this is going to be a fantastic story. Seriously, I have read all of the stories that are considered great at the DLP 5 star forums and only found this recently, but this is one of, if not the best opening chapter I have ever read. And the conversation between Greengrass and potter? One of the best conversations I have ever read, or watched, anywhere. Lastly, I have been waiting for someone to reference potion abuse to drug abuse and have never seen it done until now, and that it was done in a HP noir story just makes it that much better. Gonna keep reading but I can already tell this is going on the favorites list.
| Meneldur chapter 1 . 2/26/2013
As per your request, enjoy the count and number!
Urgh, so I'm totally after a fast and a hard day at work, and rather tired... but if I don't do this now, I probably won't find the time later... So please forgive the ramblings and the terseness.
I have just finished Unatoned, at last. And it was absolutely brilliant. I loved the complexity of it, and the suspense. Even if I suspected Daphne rather early, and the moment Astoria died I was sure it was about the money and with a portkey, there were so many little details I couldn't figure out. Harry's (second) discovery was a simply brilliant scene, and I loved the tribute to Pavonis Mons' work.
Daphne strongly reminded me of Melisande Shahrizai, of the Kushiel series by Jacqueline Carey. The utter power and ruthlessness, the reasoning of 'because I could', playing the game until the end, it resonated strongly within me, and I highly recommend reading it if you have not yet. Daphne herself was also very intriguing, especially with that final revelation of her madness, which rather changed the way I looked at her outbursts and mask. Of course, Harry's failure because she was she and he was he and they were the same was the icing on the cake.
The ending was simply brilliant. I loved Harry and Daphne's agreement, and I felt it will work well (though Harry is lying to himself if he believes he did it for justice). I think Harry and Daphne will engage in an epic conflict over the face of Wizarding society, with their fight, made through their side of politics, ultimately bettering the Wizarding World. And I think that if they have a child, they will come to a better understanding of it, wanting to leave a shared legacy for their child, one that gives their child a way to grow up happy. Of course, I read the part with Sterling as Daphne finally poisoning him as well... it was just a beautiful ending, and I enjoyed this story so much.
As for your concern regarding Harry being a pushover, I now cannot believe you even asked that question. If anything, Harry is the opposite of it - he doesn't bend for anybody, sometimes even to the point of contrivance, but after all, that was the point of the whole story - that this was Harry's character, that for once he was doing what he wanted.
A bit of criticism: firstly, I strongly suggest you find someone who can go over the story and edit it. There are no great errors, but there are quite a few minor errors in grammar that should be fixed, especially as they ruin the immersion (at least for me).
More to the point, I was disturbed by the lack of canon. It does not generally bother me; but the fact was, you used familiar characters while not accounting for the lack of others. It is obviously that this is not the canon war we know - but one would still expect mentions of Hermione, Ron, and Harry's other close friends and allies, just as Kingsley was mentioned, and Cho. Even if these mentions were just confirmations of their death, it would explain why Harry is alone. The way it is, it just seems like everybody died and Harry doesn't care about it or anything, and considering the mentions of Kingsley, former Death Eaters, and Cho, that just seems odd.
I think that is all I can think of at this time. Once again, thank you for the great pleasure, and I hope to see more of The French Affair soon. I hope this finds you well and you find it useful, Meneldur.
| Androfers chapter 14 . 2/22/2013
Don't take it personally. As an author, or writer, YOU HAVE FAILED!
Now the reasons: First, I feel nothing for Harry. NOTHING. NADA. I was actually laughing when he was thrown in Azkaban or whatever that place is called. You have made Harry so...so... dreary, so callous that I can't feel sorry for him. And I am a guy who's easily touched by emotions.
The pace is perfect. Daphne is beautifully portrayed, but you went overboard with Astoria. No history of her? No reasons given. This made me feel near to nothing about her death. Your story sometimes moves reader's heart epically, and other times, it's a right mess.
Oh well, I hope it will become better as I keep on reading. Again, well done with Daphne character. Whoever thinks otherwise is an idiot. Daphne had to be that way. No if no but.
Signing out, Androfers (Couldn't bother to log in. Hence this type of Critique.)
| Guest chapter 9 . 2/15/2013
Reading this story is changing how I pictured Daphne, and I really liked Daphne :P
| Oculus Lupus chapter 3 . 2/14/2013
Quick question. Have the seventh years been taking their Newts throughout the whole year, or in one fell swoop, just before Harry and his mates swooped in? In the case of the former, maybe Daphne didn't have time to take her transfiguration. Pointless question, but it evoked some thought. Good story so far, though.
| wellread chapter 23 . 2/13/2013
Wow! I'm a little confused on the end of the epilogue but hearing that sterling was working with potter is Hilarious! :)
| SimonJester479 chapter 23 . 2/13/2013
This was brilliant.
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/1/2013
| The Lord Of Pages chapter 23 . 1/29/2013
This was a wonderful story, and yet...it was flawed to a point of why it just got unbearable. Now the mystery portion of it was, to be frank, a little interesting until you realized from the start after reading, it was all Daphne from beginning to end. Thus your story and its entire basis, the mystery and crime plot, falls flat on its head and drowns in a puddle of its own drool. The real hook, to me at least, was the transitions between lurid insanity mixed in with decidedly uncomfortable sanity, your Harry portrayed a brilliant sociopath with surprising morality, someone whose own mannerisms and beliefs ultimately went with the theory of Me, Myself, and I as the basis for his world. And what a world it was, to me, your best moments were when Harry was stumbling through an alien world full of cruelty, cunning, depravity, and intrigue with all the grace of a bull in a china shop. His reactions mirror the readers, ultimately becoming detached to the on-goings and proceedings of a world he just can't be bothered to care about or want to save, and thus his final actions were to marry Daphne, instead of do what society would deem was right. It shows a deep understanding of his character and his own mild sociopathy that we saw in the books, the Harry that ultimately decides his life and freedom matter more than truth, justice, or morality was the best Harry you could use for this story.
That all being said, I would not mind seeing another story like this, and I wish you the best of luck in your writing.
| CazPeak chapter 23 . 1/26/2013
Overall, this story is a tribute to the cleverness of the author. Or rather, how clever he thinks he is... for me it never manages to forget that someone is reading. Instead of a compelling story that draws the reader in, this story is pulling out all the stops for its dog & pony show. Even the ending feels contrived - "look how dark & edgy I am".
It left me unimpressed on most counts. The shame of it that you can see the compelling story in there... like Harry, though, it sort of gives up. Shame, that.
| CazPeak chapter 4 . 1/26/2013
Harry recognises a compulsion charm on a door, but can't manage to break it? What a shame that Voldemort didn't hire the bouncer who put the charm up and have it order Harry to kill himself... would have been so much simpler than I don't know - dying? But while Harry thinks he might be able to fight it, the idea of drinking a unknown potion enhaced drink so that he can fuck some 16 year old girl, and quite likely end up in prison for statuatory rape and become friends with benefits with a guy named Bubba - well, really - who would pass that up?
What a complete bullshit scene. Just saying.
| sasase chapter 23 . 1/8/2013
This fic sucks, is crap, but is ok, trash like this have to exist too
| Mr. Soze chapter 23 . 1/6/2013
You are bloody brilliant. You wrote an intelligent story, amazing. I think that this is the best fanfiction that I read in crime category. Harry and Daphne have game. Sir, you got game.
| Impstar chapter 23 . 1/1/2013
All I have to say is that is the most Slytherin Daphne I've ever read. Heck, it's one of the most Slytherin characters period I've ever read about. The awesome thing is that this is how a quintessential Slytheirn should act, not a glorified bully like Draco.
I think that it is also a nice touch that Harry is not willing to go to prison to convict Daphne, no matter how deplorable she is. A question though (because I've obviously missed something in the reading): why would Harry go to prison if he convicted Daphne (obviously she held something over his head like she did him, but I can't recall what)?