|Reviews for Doctor Whooves: Where are we going!|
| Ice-Mage-Aru chapter 2 . 10/20/2012
I love how you put ur oc in the story i want to do that but first i need to know how to write one XD
| Sophia Angelia chapter 3 . 7/23/2012
Mind the capitals and punctuation. I've noticed that you tend to switch ' and " around with the speakers. Also, mind where you put your commas and periods. Great job, otherwise! Keep up the awesome story!
| Sophia Angelia chapter 1 . 6/30/2012
"... and we all passed out."
Nice ending. Check up on grammer and capitalization.
Each new speaker needs a new line. For example:
"Blah blah." Blank said, while doing action.
"Blah? Blah blah blah." Name added and did action.
"Blah blah blah!" Other guy shouted while doing action.
It's a bad idea to jump directly from one speaker to the next without making another line or saying the speaker's name. Things get confusing. Also, add more detail. Try and make the readers feel like they are there. Use all five sences. Wat did the brony convention smell like? Was there mouth-watering popcorn? Colorful displays? Mobs of people squeezing in from all sides?
Other than that, it was a good story! You left it on a cliffhanger, and it has a very interesting plot line. The only plot problem I see is no conflict. What's the point of a story if there's no conflict? Someone or something has to disagree with them going to the world of My Little Pony.
Can't wait for chapter two!