|Reviews for The Ace, The Queen, and The Two of Hearts|
| DEADPOOL RULES66 chapter 23 . 1/19
good question an example is don boneyard from fossil fighters champions who has good intentions but is portrayed as the bad dude
| Otaku4ever chapter 51 . 12/9/2013
This. Is. Amazing.
Finally! I have finished this! I really enjoyed the story that I didn't have time to drop a review since I got so excited. Sorry about that. I was also too lazy to log in thinking that time should be spent reading this story first! I'm going to read the sequel now.
Man! Why did it took me so long to find a story like this...
| Spikesagitta chapter 51 . 10/9/2013
That was one heck of a ride through the story! Thanks for sharing!
| Crunol chapter 51 . 9/2/2013
You scared me then, I thought she actually died then let her go started playing and I couldn't stop crying! Don't mess with me, how can you write such good stories? I'm just too lazy to log in
| ElementalMiko12 chapter 51 . 8/15/2013
:( just came back from a trip exploring Rainbow River and finally finished your story dying to read the sequel!
| Cun chapter 2 . 8/8/2013
Oh really, Mikoto shocking Kuroko in her sleep? XD Me likes.
Mmmh temples are sensitive I envy you, Kuroko... Then again not, because that must hurt...
Mikoto's reaction is just what I gave her as well, so naturally I like _
I love how Kuroko teleported the acid off her skin, that was fresh.
... hmm, so they weren't in their dorm room at the beginning of the chapter? I must have missed something? Now I understand why Mikoto was holding onto Kuroko though.
-Oh right, I re-checked the end of chapter 1, and they did find a clinic to sleep in. I forgot about it P
Just to remind the reader you could mention the word "clinic" in the sentence:
"She swung her legs over the bed, stood up, and stormed into the next room of the clinic." near the beginning.
I wonder if the Queen is playing with Kuroko's mind?
Nitpicks that I picked up this chapter...
I feel bad for nitpicking, but it's just meant for help. Sometimes it's hard to pick them up yourself, and sometimes you just didn't know something was wrong to start with. I like having my typos pointed out myself, but if you don't care much for it, just tell me and I won't do it ;)
Anyway, nitpicks here:
"that's not true, my Onee-sama cares about me." She shouted...
- Should be big T, and since she's shouting add a "!" at the end instead of a "." :-)
"was that just a dream?"
- Big W.
Instead her face bore a sweet look of such childlike innocence it made Kuroko smile
- Add a "." to end the sentence.
As it drew close her hand was assaulted by a stream of small sparks which issued from her other temple.
- "her other temple" sounds a bit strange, I wonder if it should be about Mikoto's temple? Like "from the other girl's temple"?
Soon her hands hovered an inch away from it's destination.
- "Hands" equals the use of "their" instead of "it's". If it was just one hand, then "its" is correct instead :-)
...at her thought the voice from her dream suddenly echoed in her head again again.
- One "again" too many.
She sat there for a couple of hours brooding, even as the first spears of dawn's light pierced the barely intact windows of the building
- Add a "." to end the sentence.
I controlled myself all night and endured her little shocks for hours, just to make her happing.
- "Happing" I suppose should be "happy"?
Did I really go that far overboard this time.'
- It's a question, so end with "?" instead of "."
"I'll make this better Kuroko, I swear I'll make this up to you. But for now I'll give you a little time to yourself.'
- Starts with " and ends with '. Is it speesch or thought?
"Now I suggest you surrender nice and peaceful, or do you think you're little zaps are faster than our bullets."
- Trade "you're" with "your". Also, end with "?" instead of "." since it's a question.
Soon he would have the mighty railgun begging for her life.
- Railgun with small r - as a name, that's not right, but this is truly nitpicky.
"They pulled a gun on us," Misaka retorted defensively
- Add a "." to end the sentence.
"A gun which had been disabled when you began shocking them to hell and back. You have absolutely no restraint whatsoever do you?'
- Starts with " and ends with '.
Misaka thought to herself, her (despair) slowly turning into anger 'Uihara doesn't face any problems, Saten-san doesn't.
- Can't see a reason for despair to be in brackets (), so just pointing it out. Add a "." after 'anger'. 'Uihara' should be 'Uiharu'.
"Attacked twice in 5 minutes by people who seemed to know who we are and want something with us," Kuroko began
- Add a "." to end the sentence.
she saw where this was going, "I doubt it's a coincidence," she agreed.
- I suppose it's Mikoto we're talking about, start the sentence with "Misaka" instead to make that clear, or add "." to the former sentence and start this one with big S. Still prefer using her name to clearify though.
"The Queen could have forces outside the faction at school,"
- End with "." instead of ",".
"but what other explanation is there."
- End with "?" instead of "."
"I don't know who you're talking about," he yelled with hate and fury in his voice
- End his yell with "!" instead of "," to add emotion. Add "." to end sentence.
"If you know who I am than you know what I can do to you if you're lying."
- Trade "than" with "then".
sensing danger the moment before she teleported in front of misaka, intercepting the caustic projectile.
- misaka should have big M.
she immediately registered a sharp, biting pain and a hissing sound as the acid ate away at her shirt and the flesh underneath.
- Sentence should start with big S.
"If you don't want to end up fried like you're boss than you'll tell me..."
- Trade "you're" with "your" and "than" with "then".
"Someone spread the word around the streets that if you capture the railgun you get 2 million yen, and told us you would be in district 17"
- railgun as a name should start with big R. Add "." to end sentence.
"Yeah. what a mess...
- Big W after "."
they had checked 5 buildings and each of those buildings had been a dead end,
- Big T at beginning.
Normally Academy City was lit up by numerous streetlights and other lights, but these ones seemed to have been turned off, and she couldn't risk giving away their positioning by powering them up.
- Use Mikoto's name (Misaka) to clarify which of the girls we're talking about, instead of simply 'she'. Avoids immediate confusion that breaks immersion.
...and if it's connected to the main grid I should be able to find out the location "
- Add "." to end the sentence. And by the way, smart idea _
Misaka heated up the kettle with her they were soon eating.
- With her power, I assume? :-)
after that, however, came the difficult part.
- Big A.
blankets took up a lot of room as well so it was a logical explanation.
- Big B.
"no, you brought it, you use it"
- Start with big N. Add a "." to end sentence.
"I brought it for you," Well... us... but still *Push*
- Instead of using *actions*, try to use descriptions instead. *This* breaks immersion fairly quickly. Proper descriptions will flow better for you as well :)
when she had regained her composure she turned around and pushed Kuroko away.
- Big W.
"Onee-sama doesn't mind?" Kuroko asked, slightly surprised at the reaction
- Add a "." to end sentence.
| ElementalMiko12 chapter 10 . 8/7/2013
" okayyy this is really bad I need to go out in my kitchen and cook, but i'm so wrapped in the story that every time I get to the bottom I push next and start another chapter only to realize half way through 'oh crap I need to figure out what to make for dinner...' and then 'eh whatever I'll figure it out after this chapter (repeat process)
I love this story so far, but its very distracting and overly addictive!
| Mastodonic chapter 51 . 8/5/2013
Wow I just finished reading this story and it was really good. It's nice to have such a long Misaka x Kuroko fic to make up for the lack of them. Most of the action scenes were really good although I think some of the Kuro scenes might have been threatening to go over the top. But the romance was spot on and the story was engaging. Also, I'm not sure if anyone else caught it, but the reference in one of the early chapters (24 or something) was to Mai Hime wasn't it? I have to admit it was pretty clever. Also I couldn't help but notice how Kuroko naturally smelled like yuri XD so much win. Anyways, I'm planning to read the sequel, but I think I might have to read more of Teenage Mutant Ninja Iguanas before I do ;)
| Cun chapter 1 . 8/4/2013
This is an interesting premise for a story :)
Personally I prefer refering to Mikoto using her given name rather than her surname, but we all work differently.
I missed some sort of more thourogh justification to why she couldn't beat those thugs up there. Even if using her iron sand or magnetism or being creative with cutting out a piece of the building and throw at their heads would be out of the question, simply because she would risk killing them, it would be even more convincing if she actually considered it.
But it's a great first chapter; it has action, sets up the premise for the story and introduces the characters nicely. I can tell Kuroko is your favorite She's great, and definitely needs more shining moments.
| Rubinblau chapter 51 . 7/19/2013
This fanfic is just beautiful...
It had everything one could wish for.
Limes, comedy (sometimes even puns (My kind of humor)) and drama.
A hell lot of drama - and fluff... And Action... And... Everything... And Drama... And fluff... And I'm repeating myself...
It was an emotional rollercoaster.
Or how 4chan would say it
It was a bit confusing sometimes but I bet all the questions will be solved in the sequel :
(About SPOILER the blessing or the powers of the old guys or why the blood has so strange colors -)
tl;dr: Great fic.
| kuroko chapter 51 . 5/18/2013
i cant wait for the next chapter
| RoadMart chapter 51 . 5/17/2013
This was one of the best fanfiction I've read in a long while. Your attention to detail, foreshadowing, and development of all the characters - both OC and canon - was amazingly done. The amount of effort you put into this really shows and made it all the more fun to read. At times it felt a little rushed (which I guess might have been the demand for chapters at the time?) and some chapters left me with a little more to be desired. Still, it wrapped up amazingly and I still want more. Good thing there IS more!
I loved reading this. You'll definitely see me around for the next few. c:
| RoadMart chapter 34 . 4/29/2013
I cannot express how impressed I am with this fic. School kept me from reading it for awhile but I realize how much I love it as soon as I started reading again. I think I said it before, but I appreciate all the detail and thought you put into this; it makes it so much more fun to read. Amazing so far, my good sir. I look forward to finishing it soon.
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/24/2013
I love this story Can transfer to the BBS/贴吧 in China？
| Joylinda chapter 51 . 4/3/2013
Okay okay i dont know if u remember me or not but i use to read ur story. I wasnt getting any emails so i was like let me check and see how the story is going and what do you know your at 51chapters. So now i got to reread the whole thing cause the last chapter i read was only in he 20s. But i was like let me read the last chapter cause curiosity got the better of me. Then i read your ending in the authors note nd my heart drop kuroko dies?! In the second part. I hardly have the heart to read now lol. Serves me right but ill get around to reading it all. So dont be surprise if you see like 20 reviews from me cause im desicating this week to finishing this story