|Reviews for Wish|
| Redline57 chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
This was good! Please continue, I can't get enough of these two!
| Teruyo chapter 1 . 8/18/2012
There really need to be more fan-fiction of this Anime. So underrated!
I look forward to read chapter 2 :D!
| Genki Collective chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
This is a nice bit of fluff that captures the feel of the anime pretty well.
As for characterizations, you have Natsumi down pat, and Yuka (what little we see of her here) also seems in character. I don’t see Natsumi’s mom ruffling her hair, though. And as far as Rin saying “a challenge is a challenge,” that’s actually something Natsumi would say, not Rin. It felt like you had them reversed in that little exchange.
There were also quite a number of usage, punctuation, and grammatical errors throughout the story. However, that’s something that could easily be fixed by a competent beta-reader.
These are minor issues compared to the one major problem with this story. That concerns the role of the big rock.
It’s obvious that at the beginning of the chapter you have Natsumi wishing on the big rock by herself to see Saki again. Unfortunately, the way you’ve written this poses a problem for two reasons:
1. The rock never worked in the anime unless all four girls were wishing for the same thing at the same time. Even if they weren’t all physically touching the rock, this condition had to be met for the rock to act. You don’t say this was the case, or even try to sell it by having Natsumi be unsure if her wish will be granted because she’s not sure what the others are thinking. You simply present it as fact.
2. According to Ep 12 – and this is a MAJOR plot point in that episode – the rock no longer works for the four girls after they make that final wish. Not only that, the girls all know it and accept it. This is not at all ambiguous – it’s made quite clear at the end of the episode. To have the rock appear to start inexplicably granting wishes again without Natsumi even questioning why it does so flies in the face of what's presented in the episode.
Neither of these points would be so much of an issue if you presented this as an AU fic, or at least had Natsumi do this as an act of desperation and then be surprised it worked or struggle with why the rock’s behavior has changed. You did none of these things, however, and her simply wishing and the wish coming true creates a major disconnect with canon.
Despite all I’ve said, this was an entertaining read. With a little closer attention to canon, and some beta-reading help, it could have been outstanding.
Thank you for writing for the new NK fandom. I’m looking forward to reading your next NK fic.
| Sherin chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
I was waiting for the plot that would hook me but it never happened, 1st chapter is always important as readers would be judging on it whether to continue reading or not.
But I'll wait for the 2nd chapter so make it as interesting as possible. .
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/1/2012
It's a great start. Update soon!