|Reviews for Babysitting A Teenager (On Hold)|
| Galinda Maxwell chapter 1 . 8/10/2014
I love this so far! Awesome!
| McKenna chapter 8 . 6/23/2013
| McKenna chapter 7 . 6/21/2013
This is really good! But I've got an idea, Jim should get sick and Silver panics a little bit. ( Love your story so far!)
| Guest chapter 7 . 5/18/2013
Type your review for this chapter here...
| 2Lqzy2LogIn chapter 1 . 1/20/2013
It's really good! Just be careful about run-on sentences. Don't forget your commas!
| Guest chapter 6 . 11/3/2012
its been a verry long time since you've added another chapter are u going to add another
| evelyn Jerkins chapter 1 . 9/6/2012
can u please add another chapter
| mentalproblemzzz chapter 6 . 9/1/2012
holy space cow i love this sure beats jim/oc thats fors ure c:
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
well i did like this one it was adorabal well idk how to spell but i lost my password to my fan fiction account so i hope to see another chapter soon thanks
| Jennie-JenJen chapter 6 . 8/15/2012
Eeep! So fluffy! XD I love, love, love, LOVE this! :D But it was too short! No!
I really can't wait to read more. The father/son thing is so refreshing and it makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. :3
And congrats with almost finishing your other story, which I also like, even though this one is probably my favorite out of all of your fanfics. I don't think I've ever finished writing a fanfic, aside from my first one-shot. But hey, kudos! :D
Anyway, God willing, update as soon as you can. I'm excited to read more. And keep up the good work, sweetie! :D
| Mila Ligaf chapter 6 . 8/13/2012
This is so fluffy, I'm gonna die! I've been waiting for a nice father/son pick-me -up
I smell trouble ahead for Silver.
And glad to hear that you're almost finished with your other story.
| bella.kimp chapter 1 . 8/10/2012
do you think you can let me know when your posting chapter 6 out because im going to be taking my cousin out camping for a week so i wanted it to be out ahead of time befor i go on the trip
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/10/2012
im going to be gone for a cople of weeks so i wanted to know if you could update chapter 6 so i can read befor i go
| Mila Ligaf chapter 5 . 7/23/2012
Oh look, I'm not the only fan that thinks Jim and Silver can be affectionate. This is just so cute and such a nice pick-me-up :}.
Two weeks, fellas. That's plenty of time for the Benbow to get burned down...or hit by a meteroite XD.
| Jennie-JenJen chapter 5 . 7/23/2012
Aloha! I saw that you updated and I just had to read it! XD And I must say that I absolutely loved the father/son interaction between Silver and Jim. I don’t think Treasure Planet has cars and DVDs because the universe is a mixture of the past and the future, but hey, do whatever you want. Again, the father/son affection was great! Them watching a movie and Jim having his head resting on Silver's belly, them reading the Treasure Planet book, the tickle attack, and them sleeping together. Very, very sweet. If anyone says that Silver and Jim are acting fruity, ignore them.
I grew up seeing men, mostly father/son and brother/brother, being affectionate towards one another. And yes, even when the sons or brothers grew into adults. Even fathers in the Bible kissed their sons and when they kissed, it was actually on the lips, too. It was nothing sexual, just a way of affection, a chaste kiss. Heck, I know that if I do write a Treasure Planet fanfic, you better believe that Silver and Jim will be affectionate towards each other! (I mean, I won't have them kiss on the lips or anything but on occasion, I can actually see Jim giving Silver a kiss on his cheek and even Silver giving Jim a kiss on his forehead, ya know? I have seen father and son do that all of the time. It's super sweet.)
Ahem, enough of my ranting. In terms of improvement, I see that you’ve started using the characters’ name less and that you actually briefly describe them. Very good job! I was very pleased to see that. In terms of certain punctuations and capitalization on certain dialogues, I didn't see much improvement there. I only saw a couple that were written semi-correctly. Let me give you a few more examples again.
' The young teenager got into a sitting position, frowning up at his friend "awwwww… can't I sleep with you?" Jim asked, looking up at Silver with big blue hopeful eyes. '
Okay. First, you did not capitalize the first letter at the beginning of Jim's dialogue. Always capitalize in the beginning of ANY dialogue. Try not to forget that. Second, you did not punctuate the first sentence and pretty much combined it with Jim's dialogue. Usually, I would tell you to add a comma before the dialogue is introduced; however, at the end of the dialogue, you wrote "Jim asked..." Since you've written that Jim asked, there is no need for the comma before the dialogue. Both should be two different sentences. Look at the correction below.
Example 1 Corrected:
' The young teenager got into a sitting position, frowning up at his friend. "Awwwww… can't I sleep with you?" Jim asked, looking up at Silver with big blue hopeful eyes. '
See? I only had to make two corrections. I put a period after "friend" and capitalized the "a" in "Awwwww" because it was the first letter in the beginning of the dialogue. By adding the period after "friend", I successfully made a complete sentence. Please be sure to look over how you originally wrote the sentence and how I fixed it.
' Jim frowned up at Silver and folded his arms across his chest in protest "awwwww… come on… " the boy said, trying to protest since it has worked well so far "it's only 12" the boy got off the bed, standing infront of it "12! 12!" Morph repeated, flying beside the boy's head. '
Alright, in example 2, when you read it, doesn't it look like a very long sentence with dialogue to you? You have some appropriate punctuation but not all of it. From "Jim frowned...in protest" should be one sentence. Add the period after "protest" so that it won't awkwardly combine with the dialogue. Again, the reason why you won't place a comma beside "protest" is because you already introduced Jim's dialogue with "the boy said", so there's no need for a comma. Now, remember to capitalize. The "a" in "awwwww" should be capitalized and the "i" in "it's" should also be capitalized. Jim's second dialogue is not accompanied with a "he said.” Instead, you started a new sentence by explaining his actions. So capitalize the "t" in "the" and place a period just before Morph's dialogue right after the word "it." Morph's sentence is correctly punctuated. Now if this paragraph confused you, just look at how I corrected example 2.
Example 2 Corrected:
' Jim frowned up at Silver and folded his arms across his chest in protest. "Awwwww… come on…," the boy said, trying to protest since it has worked well so far. "It's only 12." The boy got off the bed, standing in front of it. "12! 12!" Morph repeated, flying beside the boy's head. '
Example 2 Alternative (Comma explanation):
' Jim frowned up at Silver and folded his arms across his chest in protest. "Awwwww… come on," the boy said, trying to protest since it has worked well so far. "It's only 12." The boy got off the bed, standing in front of it. "12! 12!" Morph repeated, flying beside the boy's head.
See how I put the comma in Jim's first dialogue with the three periods and even without the three periods? If a dialogue is accompanied with a "he/she said, etc." and if it’s not exclaimed or a question, then you put a comma instead of a period. The only time you can place a period at the end of a dialogue is if a dialogue is not accompanied with a "he/she said/spoke/etc." So in this case, only add the period in Jim's second dialogue "It's only 12."
' "Yay! Road trip" B.E.N yelled excitedly, throwing his arms up in the air before running to the car and getting in the back. '
Why am I putting up this sentence as an example when it seems fine? Well, you are missing a specific punctuation that would make this whole sentence into a completely correct one. Remember when I explained that when you write a dialogue you must always put a comma after it is accompanied with a "he/she said, etc."? Well, the difference with this specific dialogue is because B.E.N. isn't simply saying a statement. He is exclaiming his excitement for a trip. So after the end of "trip", instead of using a comma, you must us an exclamation point "!". You would have to do the same thing if he was asking a question, except you would have to use a question mark "?".
Example 3 Corrected:
' "Yay! Road trip!" B.E.N yelled excitedly, throwing his arms up in the air before running to the car and getting in the back. '
If the dialogue is not an exclamation or a question is when you use a comma at the end.
' Jim smiled, nodding his head in agreement "of course! Let's get started on it" '
Alright, now with this one. I think this is the only sentence I found without any dialogue that had "Jim said, etc." written after it. But don't panic! That's completely fine and it gives your structure more style. I'm just going to correct it, so that you know how to punctuate sentences like these properly.
Example 4 Corrected:
' Jim smiled, nodding his head in agreement, "Of course! Let's get started on it!" '
Instead of putting a period, I placed a comma after "agreement" because Jim's action leads into the dialogue. If you would have written a "he said/exclaimed/etc." after the dialogue, then the form would look like this.
Example 4 Alternative:
' Jim smiled, nodding his head in agreement. "Of course! Let's get started on it!" Jim exclaimed. '
See how the set up changed? Either way is fine, but sometimes it's nice to not always have a "he said" after every dialogue.
I hope I explained things better than last time. I’ve noticed that your biggest weakness is your grammar, not particularly your writing style. The style can improve just by continuing to read and write, but if you want to improve your grammar, you need to put proper grammar usage into practice. From now on, whenever you finish typing a chapter, reread it so that you can correct any misspelled words and place punctuations in their appropriate places. If you are unsure, just look at the examples I’ve given you so that it can you.
Remember, don’t be discouraged. Just keep practicing. :D