Reviews for Hogan's Dragons: The Fire Within
ME chapter 1 . 1/21/2013
I hope you're going to finish this story!
Tirathon chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
"Phantom over and out."

Might I post a screaming rant here that has nothing to do with the specifics of this story, except for that one line? It's been waiting to come out.

That phrase is probably used wrongly in canon; I'd have to look. It's certainly used incorrectly just about everywhere else it's used, so I'll assume you're just following canon. But "Over and out" is utterly, totally, completely wrong.

"Over" means "your turn to talk, my turn to listen" while "out" means "I'm signing off and going away." They're mutually exclusive. Either you're going to listen, or you're going to go away. And if you're the last person in a conversation, there's no need to say anything when the next-to-last person signs off. It's not like "goodbye" or something.

To fix it, just change the next-to-last line to "Papa Bear out" and remove Phantom's reply.

Oh, and while I'm being picky, nobody is going to conceal a WWII radio inside a jacket. Well, Schultz might, but not anyone else. :p The Handie-Talky was as concealable as they got, and it was the length of a shoebox and about half the width. It weighed five pounds. It used vacuum tubes. And its range was about a mile under optimal circumstances, which these are not. Our FRS radios (not to mention cell phones) have spoiled us.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
mmwaveprincess here.
I like ur story a lot. i really love dragons so i cant wait to see how ur dragons act. im sorry i dont have spelling advice, but i focus on content more. this is a unique story really and i love it.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/2/2012

"Come here and look at this." said Hogan. When it should be "Come here and look at this," Hogan said.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
jinzle: Nice little story e
with a lot of potential. Two things jumped out at me. One, Carter is s technical sergeant, not a master sergeant. Secondly, you have errored in formatting your dialog. You have something written as "Co
Guest chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
I like what you've written thus far. Curious to see how Carter and his dragon will interact and what happens when the rest of the crew discover Carter's "big" secret (dragon's don't stay small forever, I think they grow to be huge when adults). In response to your request to inform you of spelling errors - these are more like misused word errors - I've noted several:

1. He tried desperately to stay QUITE - the proper word is QUIET.
2. Nelly as she WONDERED outside - proper word is WANDERED.
3. I CHECK. We have the parts - proper word is CHECKED.
4. There is supposed to be a RIESI storm - don't know what that word is.
5. As soon as he was out of SITE Hogan - proper word is SIGHT.

Thanks for posting. Looking forward to more chapters.