Reviews for Break Point
FAN-atic-ionary chapter 4 . 7/15/2012
OMGAWD! This chapter is absolutely awesome and totally smashed all of my expectations :)) And you updated so fast!

I love how the story is progressing in the way that Anna is starting to get control and a grip on her lifestyle finally and that Yukimura is helping her do so (was to be expected since it was a YukimuraOC pairing but still) and he is just being... gawd- kinda wish I was in her place :) Love the way you write your OCs and I hope that you can like... update within a week again!

I'm sure that will make a billion ppl happy- and you deserve SOOOO much more reviews and favs and follows so keep on writing

FAN-atic :)
emliy02 chapter 4 . 7/15/2012
Honestly, I feel like you deserve so many more favs and reviews from people than you have because your writings are just that good! Haha. I wonder how long it'll be before someone realizes that the two are spending quite a nice bit of time with each other. ;) But as always you portrayed Anna's character so well. I feel like your characterizations of the characters are just works of art. Again I'm wowed by them. And such speedy updates! Love!
mintish chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
- ahhh I like how Anna's acknowledging that she can't blame Yukimura!

- "When had he gotten old?" ooooh I like this. So she /hasn't/ been around her parents enough. Makes me wonder if they ever look at her and think "when did she grow up?" Or maybe they'll think this towards the end, when she's become more sure of herself

- okay Ishii-sensei is annoying sajkfleighaskg GO AWAY NO ONE LIKES YOU omg "Doesn't she break your heart?" WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND SMILE I can hear her patronizing tone ugh

- love the Anna/Yukimura conversation 8) they're slowly coming to an understanding! and bonding! and HAHAHA THEY MADE OUT THE END if only all stories could end that easily and happily

- it'd be cool if Anna could help Yukimura with something like how he'll help her with her tennis. He's lacking in people skills and Anna's aren't great either but I'm betting she's more compassionate than him so maybe that could rub off on him a bit? hahaha idk man

- I am excited about this story ahhhhhh

ok thanks for the quick update, I look forward to the next 8D
Heartnett chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
More. And now!
asobi seksu chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
"And then he was like sure no problem, and then they made out. The end."

Um just sayin', I'd be so okay with that. Although I don't know what Anna looks like - in my head, she's super pretty but unconscious of it. You've stated that she's a thoughtful person, so she's got those kind of eyes as well. Of course, I bet she's got a smokin' gorgeous body, super toned, great legs, and is taller then most girls.

I think this could be a really good Rikkai!girls team fic if you fleshed out all your OCs one by one. And I just adore how Anna and Seiichi are bonding over tennis - lots of writer, especially me, like to skip over those parts since we either a) don't play tennis or b) too lazy to put time into writing good tennis scenes.

I'm glad that you're updating like the wind, though. For me, I'm getting so picky about what I put down - I have five or six drafts of my next chapter, and it's just a pain in the ass. I really enjoy the story.
koori no hime chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
Ooohhh.. so that's why I had a feeling I'll be reading something good tonight, well, at least it's nighttime where I'm from. :) Nosy teachers can be really annoying so I can kinda relate to Yukimura in this chapter. Ishii-sensei kinda reminded me of a teacher I had in high school. Pretty annoying. Anyway, I think it's kinda cool that miyamoto wants to help in 'rebuilding', for the lack of a better term, Anna. It's good that she's really concerned, I think, and she's not just using her for show or intimadation, if that would've even worked. Oh and finally, I think that Yukimura and Anna's conversations in this chapter are a lot less tense compared to the others. So, yeah, great chapter. Hope the quick updates lasts longer ;D
invisible-gurl chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
lmao i loved that little comment at the bottom XD i actually thought you ended the fic like that for an insane moment there... then i saw the page break XD hahaha great job and plz update soon
crystal-gundam chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
Aww such harsh treatment from Otsuka ! I'd say that I would want to eventually see Anna fix or build a new game, as Yukimura says, by going through with all the basics that all the students had to go through and just show Otsuka.

:) Lovely as always !
Divine Psyche chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
I can't say that I saw that coming. I mean, yeah, I knew that Yukimura would eventually help Anna get her game back. But I didn't predict that Anna would ask him so fast. I kinda thought that it would take place a few chapters after. I half expect Yukimura to say no and say something about doing in herself- in a 'nice' way, of course. But... Yeah. He could always say yes Anyway, great chapter as usual. Hope to see more in the future (I have a feeling I'm going to like this better than 250 Dark Stars)
mintish chapter 3 . 7/13/2012
- I feel like the regulars hate Yukimura sometimes because he's so strict, but at the same time they respect him because it's due to his strictness that they're such great players. I like seeing them interact with each other :D

- YES YUKIMURA YOU LOST YOUR TEMPER GOOD JOB ON ACKNOWLEDGING THAT

- "He'd won, he supposed, but no one would ever give him a trophy for it" wow I love this. I love how you write characters and their thoughts. Have I told you that yet? Whatever. I LOVE IT

- "the memory of Hasegawa's face crumpling like a used paper towel" okay this line not so much. I think the simile is a bit out of place? "used paper towel" isn't very flattering and I'm sure you don't intend it to be but it's just...I dunno, out of place. Jarring. Convenient but awkward.

- "Low to high," he said in her ear.

OKAY SOMETIMES I AM A REALLY BAD SHIPPER AND I SEE MOMENTS LIKE THESE AND SCREAM BECAUSE HE'S WHISPERING IN HER EAR HE'S CLOSE TO HER HE'S TOUCHING HER AHHHHHHHHHHH

- ok sorry

- yeah Yukimura you /didn't/ have to be so mean about it /huff

- "Don't quit because you hate it. Quit because you have no chance of winning." okay WHAT YUKIMURA WHAT ARE YOU SAYING

- tiny thing: "She avoided the rooftop garden during lunch" I think the word "avoid" here implies that she made an effort NOT to go there, like how she might avoid him in class or something. But the rooftop garden isn't exactly a place that she would just stumble upon by walking around. I think writing that "She didn't go to the rooftop garden" or something like that would be more fitting

- if that makes any sense at all wow sorry I can't write today

- Anna's travelled a lot, so she must have met many different people (and players!) I'd like to meet some of them in the future. Maybe players who share her sentiments about professional tennis or players that disagree or just people that have somehow affected her.

OKAY so end of chapter. Here are my thoughts on the overall story so far:

- we don't know much about Anna's personality aside from her internal struggles. I hope you slowly introduce little parts of her throughout the fic :D

- some of the members of the girls' tennis team are interesting. Miyamoto and Otsuka, along with the girl who went to Hyoutei. I hope to see more of them

- Anna doesn't seem to have a particularly strong relationship with her parents, but it's not /bad/ either. I'd like to see how they work as a family (also if she has any siblings?)

- I'm also wondering if she had a close friend while touring around the world. She semes very lonely so I doubt it, but like I said above, she must have met a lot of people and surely at least one of them must have had some impact on her :D

- I'm just excited to see new characters and how you develop Anna

alright I look forward to the next chapter 8)
mintish chapter 2 . 7/13/2012
- Yukimura bewitched her when they were kids? Seems a bit far-fetched considering their age, but I'm curious to see how it pans out.

- "The militaristic, mechanical synchronocity of the exercise" oh I like this it describes Rikkaidai so well because they are kind of militaristic in their way of /you must win there are no exceptions/

- KIRIHARA YOU HAVE SUCH BAD TIMING SDJFKDSLAEG but awwwww he wants to play a match. His abrupt way of asking is so typically Kirihara

- ooh I like how you include Anna's discomfort in being a foreign environment. It makes this story more realistic :D

- Ishii-sensei please go away ugh you are not helping

- sidenote I hope there'll be some GOOD adult presence in this fic? Like a good teacher or mentor or something.

- YES GOOD ANNA CAN SEE ALL THE GIRL REGULARS' FAULTS YES YES YES I like how you give her pro status and follow up on it with her tennis knowledge

- Miyamoto's a scheming captain isn't she I LIKE HER

- okay so Anna's anger towards Yukimura is misplaced and he tells her that and even though he's right I sort of want to smack him over the head and scream YOU DOOFUS WATCH WHAT YOU'RE SAYING and at the same time he's Yukimura and from your summary he has to learn not to tear people down by existing

- or something

SO THIS IS INTERESTING SO FAR onto the next chapter I go 8D
mintish chapter 1 . 7/13/2012
alright you know how I review by now 8D

- Anna sounds like a Western name are you going to do that foreign student thing that everyone hates because it's always done so poorly but I think you can pull it off?

- SHE'S A TENNIS PLAYER SHE'S REALLY GOOD AT IT I'M GUESSING BUT SOMEHOW SHE FAILED? oh my god you are actually going that route but I am excited because no one ever does it right and I want to read a story where someone DOES

- okay I will be honest here I generally dislike it when the protagonist has some kind of angsty past with her love interest, so reading about her reaction to Yukimura being in her class makes me kind of cringe. I'm trying to imagine what happened in the past that would still affect Anna so strongly today

- Ishii-sensei is rubbing me the wrong way here :X

- "I hate tennis" YES YOU ARE WRITING THE PRINCE OF TENNIS FANFICTION CLICHE OF THE YEAR I AM SO EXCITED THIS HAS TO BE GOOD

- like I am actually excited

- alright I have recently been armed with new vocabulary and I want to point out something that I've been meaning to for a long time:

Epithets.

I don't know if you're familiar with the term, but in case you aren't, an epithet is a descriptive term accompanying or occurring in place of a name and having entered common usage" (thank you Wikipedia). For example, instead of writing "Jackal" again, you substituted:

"the dark-skinned boy said conversationally"

I'm going to assume (SORRY about all the assumptions) that you use them to avoid writing a character's name too many times in a short space. And while I understand that it might seem clunky to do so, I feel that using epithets to avoid it is just as awkward.

I'm not sure if my opinion is agreed upon by others and you're welcome to disagree and continue using them, but I'm going to give my opinion anyway because, well, feedback is feedback :'D

(actually I looked up epithets a bit and read about how they don't fit into third-person narratives because they just don't /work/ but I haven't looked too in-depth into it so I won't comment on that. But I think you should consider it)

okay back to reading

- Anna is a former pro...and I'm betting that Yukimura wants to be a pro. Will there be some interactions between then where Yukimura expresses his...envy? for Anna's former status? Or is curious about how it is or anything like that? Hehehe.

- "That you can read" hahahahahaha snarky Niou is the best

- they knew each other 8-10 years ago, so around when they were...8-10 years old. That's quite a long time and I wonder how they influenced each other at such a young age.

- "Yanagi hovered by the door, Sanada beside him" ooh I like this. Gives off a sense of close companionship among the three demons

- "unequivocably" is a big word to use in casual dialogue. It disrupts the flow a tiny bit

- oh gosh who is this Tamura girl she sounds interesting I WANT TO KNOW MORE

- I like how Miyamoto doesn't consider Yukimura a normal person AHAHAHAHAHA

- sidenote: I'm curious to see how a female pro formerly ranked ninth in the world would hold up against Yukimura, if she were at her peak. It's one thing to be one of the best players in Japan, and another to be among the best in the world. I would love to see Anna be better than him in terms of skill

- and Yukimura's stype of tennis, which hurt his opponent's state of mind, would be interesting against Anna who's already broken

- ooh I want to know more about Anna's family and how things were when she was a pro. Things must have been hard with all that travelling.

The term "Mary Sue" is so often thrown around in this fandom so don't worry too much 8D while Anna isn't particularly likeable yet (we don't know much about her) she's not obnoxious.

okay I'm talking too much NEXT CHAPTER I GUESS.
Heartnett chapter 3 . 7/13/2012
Its awesome again! Feels...real? can't really explain, but its totally awesome - u've gotta update as soon as you can, even if that isn't very soon!
FAN-atic chapter 3 . 7/12/2012
Hey! OMG! YOU HAVE JUST SRSLY SLAMMED ALL OF Y EXPECTATIONS (just that now... they're higher ). and your're updating like... i don't know... like the speed of a tennis that weird? (interpret as fast. really fast. :3 ) and im aboslutely hooked! srsly cannot wait for the next installment and OMG i LOVE ANNA! u wrote her beautifully- described and summed up her personality wonderfully and so in depth that one can't not fall in love with her, and her weaknesses compared to Yukimura is like, a match made in heaven :) even though I'm kinda like ANNA NO WHY CAN'T YOU GET OVER IT and anna, you poor thing at the same time, she's like, i think, your best OC character yet. And that's saying sth cos I've finished your latest updates of 250 dark stars (which is like the best ff ever written).

BTW: just asking, where is 6 stars under the sky or sth like that? I had a friend recommend that to me but i just couldn't find it :(

and PPS: Next time, i'll be reviewing in my new ff account: FAN-atic-ionary! SOo look out for it and leave a message :3

REVIEW SOON!
Missy chapter 3 . 7/12/2012
Wowwwwww... You. Are. Freaking. Awesome! The mood for this ff is so much darker than 2DS, but it feels like a tragic sort of thing, but I CAN'T STOP READING. The characters are amazing (when are your chars not amazing? Never. Haha) I spy no Mary Sues, yippee!
Great job, can't wait for more!
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