|Reviews for Wearing Black|
| Repliku14 chapter 1 . 4/4/2013
This fic is sooo cool! Please continue it, I'd love to see how it plays out. Oh, and by the way, here's a cookie. You deserve it.
| Inmate XIV chapter 4 . 8/18/2012
Poor Roxas. I'm no good at pool either. Or whatever.
Oh great. Luxord's going to cause trouble, I bet. Shame on him. That gambler. DX
Um...I really have no idea what else to say. I'm really not in my right state of mind right now. Too early.
- Silver Dawn
| Kiome-Yasha chapter 3 . 8/4/2012
Hmmm, I'm trying to get into this story as I go. To be honest I'm a very picky rokunami reader than I am with Venfuu, so I'm actually quite interested to see how this goes a bit xD. I'm kind of waiting on the rokunami stuff while scared of the roxas/xion stuff. But it seems like Xion will realize Vanitas is her destiny man and Roxas is meant to be with Namine. Hmm, hoping not going out of line with that ;3;. Me sad there's no Venfuu, but guess i can live without them in this story lol ;w;.
| Otherguy14 chapter 3 . 8/4/2012
I really like the series, sounds like it has quite a bit of potential for being a long story, if that was your aim.
Anyway, looking forward to the next chapter.
| AKAAkira chapter 3 . 8/3/2012
You've done a great job illustrating Xemnas' deliberation throughout; the stuff like describing every point of his exercise routine, deciding to leave his shirt open, his thoughts on how to respond to Aqua's loaded question, and his recollection *after* with even a willingness to kill all were infused with an admirable amount of purpose. Bonus points for, as another reviewer put it, making his interaction with Aqua very tasty at the same time.
Though...Al Edwards became El Edwards? Which one is it?
Lack of anything else concrete to criticize, so here I'm going to point out some words. "Complement" means to look good with, something I'm fairly certain you want to reserve for Aqua/Xemnas use; the ladies were giving "compliments". And "gonna" is a relatively juvenile slang, one that, in Xemnas' dialogue, was a little OOC; it was probably better using "going to".
Sometimes, I do wonder why "morning after" scenes always feature breakfast...not that it's a bad thing, of course. Just musing to myself.
I do wish there was a bit more on what Black Wolf *does*, though. I caught the bit on acquiring property and killing, not to mention Xemnas' night with Aqua would probably come back to haunt his position later, but overall, this was still a detour from business.
Nevertheless, excellently written chapter, perfect showcase of Xemnas' character and some of his history.
| Inmate XIV chapter 3 . 8/2/2012
...It is a full moon tonight, isn't it? Awesome.
I don't think I've ever really read something with Xemnas and Aqua paired together. It's interesting, I can actually see how that would work, in this case. Some couples don't even make sense to me anymore.
Man, your writing makes me feel like mine sucks. Oh well. Kinda figured it did anyway.
Update soon, it was a great chapter.
- Silver Dawn
| MonMonCandie chapter 3 . 8/2/2012
You know what doesn't help? Reading this chapter after seeing Xemnas in KH3D for the first time. Needless to say, when I remembered you said this chapter was going to have a bit of Xemnas/Aqua in it, I had one of my fangirl attacks because I remembered how special Xemnas was. That voice of his quite literally makes me smile like an idiot and I'm suddenly commenting to no one in particular of how incredibly delicious it is... /end fangirling
Anyways! I was so happy to see this updated! :D I love that consistent, mature tone you used for Xemnas's perspective; very different from the way you write Roxas. To be honest, I think you do a great job writing from both their perspectives! I can definitely see all that longing between Xemnas and Aqua and man, I have to say, it sucks that they were apparently pulled apart just because Xemnas is leading the underground life. :( But I guess that where's the steamy moment comes in as well as the morning after scene. ;D Dude, I'm not going to lie: you do them so tasty and it isn't even hitting past the rating. I think that's a great strength considering some writers take things a little too far that it can no longer take the T-rating at all. So...you know, if you plan on including anymore between Xemnas/Aqua in this story, then by all means... :9 -shot-
Hmm, I'm intrigued by Xemnas now as a character in this story though. Seeing as how he has a 'true name', I'm guessing a LOT of things happened to him unless he's just 'borrowing' a certain name for this story. Still, might I add that his personal banter at the dinner table with Aqua was funny? Sure he was being calculated about his answers, but my gosh, I think he just - again - shared a trait about a particular other person we know. xD I love how you're using it though; it works in this story.
Great job! There are a few errors here and there, but some of them don't really detract the story. I think a little look over though would help since they are the same little mistakes you made in the previous chapters, but that's all I will say on that. :) Again, the maturity of this chapter was awesome. Not to mention a little bit of fan service courtesy of Xemnas... LOL! I'm kidding. XD
Keep up the great work!
PS: LOL! Terra has now been reduced to a cat. OTL
| animeluv3 chapter 3 . 8/2/2012
Haha you howl at full moons and I can't sleep on full moons.! Hehe great chapter.! (: please continue.! When is nami coming into the story
| AKAAkira chapter 2 . 7/11/2012
Sorry for the late review. Coincidentally, I WAS already planning on giving this a review sometime - had this fic open on my tab for maybe a week. Though, lately I've been as unproductive as Demyx, which is really bad when it applied to my beta, my reviews, AND my own stories...
Anyways - I can say with confidence that the first chapter was your best piece of narration yet. Points for the referrals to the elevator counting to thirteen - that was very good for driving up the tension. Also, the background you've summarized was impressive in their conciseness - I feel you got the important feeling across while keeping the long-windedness it could've been, had the story not started in the elevator, in check.
Just sayin', but there weren't actually much in the way of suits as you hinted at. I think only the Windsor knot was really mentioned, but that doesn't quite clue in people (like me) who don't know what it means. Unless I missed something?
(Al Edwards...is that a reference to Full Metal Alchemist, by the way?)
Chapter two, I didn't find quite as compelling as chapter 1, mostly because of both my irrational aversion to and conspicuous lack of skill in writing pure description. What I *did* read, though, looked pretty good; one memorable example of simile/personification being the two angels, the frequency of black and glass firmly rooted into brain, and the wine definitely standing out.
I was quite a bit more interested in Roxas' reaction to it all - his nervousness while walking through the thirteenth floor, his potential embarrassment at having to get help getting into his own room, his half-approving reception of his room and his teenage curiosity about alcohol all being in-character and well-written. I did think his rolling eyes at Axel was out of place for a nervous guy, though.
I think you could've already given Roxas his first mission, or whatever it is that the business runs on, though. This mostly expands on Roxas' nervousness from last chapter, and aside from the (somewhat brief) introduction of Axel and Xemna's marital status (though until your endnotes, I thought the "wedding ring" was another magic ring with Roxas being an unreliable narrator), this chapter doesn't seem to bring in new stuff to the table. As the story is just starting, you might not want to lull the overall plot (at least not without something that can hook readers for sure, which in fairness, XemnasxAqua dinner might count as. I wish that was something you could've put in prose, though, not just the A/N).
And for a story with interaction over action, I'd think letting Axel away without barging in into Roxas' room wasn't quite the right path. Unless you're letting him barge in the next available scene, of course.
Overall this is definitely an interesting enough concept, and definitely one I'll follow 'till the end. Have fun writing.
| Harmy52 chapter 2 . 7/11/2012
Or you could move to the Netherlands where you can drink at your sixteenth :P
I'll be looking forward to see how this story infolds, I really like your style of writing. Atleast, from what I have seen in these past two chapters.
| Harmy52 chapter 1 . 7/11/2012
"Roxas was only ten at the time; he laughed and giggled while the shimmers of bright light moved to his will."
Have you ever read "A School for Sorcery" by E. Rose Sabin by any chance? That line reminds me greatly of that book.
| MonMonCandie chapter 2 . 7/11/2012
First of all: Xemnas is married right? RIGHT? XDD Or...I guess not considering what you wrote on your end note, but still XD Now I really can't wait for the next chapter. Hmm... And what's with this "and then some..."? What are you planning? D: -shot-
Anyways, this was once again a really great chapter! I really envy how you're able to describe your settings. I know I can't do that worth anything; I'm hopeless that way. : Bringing out the settings description really makes each chapter effective and it helps bring out the mood for your story. I get dark, drama, and a whole lot of other gloomy emotions (gloomy is probably not what you wanted, but...my lack of vocabulary at the moment makes it all I can think of LOL). Oh! Also, the way you described the 'meeting room' I'll call it reminded me of that setting in one of the Versus XIII trailers where all the men in suits were talking. XD Heck, I think you were nodding at a few things too. :) Roxas's full name (with the 'Al Edwards') reminded me of the Elric brothers in Fullmetal Alchemist, but that's probably just my fangirl eyes reading. ;P Either way, I think it was pretty neat!
Oh, I know Roxas is just being on the defensive, but I have to say, he is REALLY paranoid. :P He thinks everything is going to kill him. Haha! Love his interactions with Axel by the way; it's just like Axel to just...tease Roxas in one way or another. And Roxas sipping down on his first alcoholic drink? Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't recommend wine as your first. I personally hate the taste of wine so I'm being biased here. :P Still though, Roxas reaction was just like mine. LOL
I think you're a very strong writer and honestly from when I started reading your stories, I can definitely see a growth here. :) The only problem I can point out is that you sometimes use the wrong homophones/spellings in some of your sentences. You don't do it all the time, but it's just something I noticed. ;P Here are some examples I found: 'presents' should be 'presence', 'ember' should be 'amber', and 'girlfriend's' should be 'girlfriends'. Not a lot, but I thought I'd like you know. :) And pardon me if I sounded nit-picky there. OTL
Keep up the great work! I look forward to reading the next chapter!
| Inmate XIV chapter 2 . 7/10/2012
Yay! Long chapter. :D
Hmm...dinner between Aqua and Xemnas. Sounds fun.
...I dunno really want to say, so I'm going to stop there. Update soon, and...have a nice day, I guess. :)
- Silver Dawn
| AquaStormXIV chapter 2 . 7/10/2012
Nice one. I'm liking this already. (Granted, I liked the first chapter as well, I just didn't review it. Sorry.)
I gotta ask, is the story gonna focus on other characters within the group aside from Roxas (and as you've hinted, Xemnas and Aqua)?
As far as I can point out, this is the only error: "And finally, a silver ring with a sapphire jewel around his left wedding finger." Wedding finger should say ring finger. You might wanna look at that.
By the way, I'm all for your idea for the next chapter. ;3
I look forward to seeing how this develops further. Good luck on your writing.
| MonMonCandie chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
Suits huh? I'll admit, I love a man in a suit. ;P LOL!
Great writing. I think you're really at your best when you describe the tension of the moment and honestly, it draws me in. :) I can't help but also get the feeling that Roxas joined a mob or something...I mean, you're describing this “Black Wolf Corporation” as the deadliest thing in Twilight Town. LOL But again, I don't think that'll be a problem.
I can't wait to read more! :D Awesome first chapter!