Reviews for She Was Never There
Mitch3ll6900 chapter 1 . 12/4/2013
Hey Pen, call me a baby too caue I almost cried.
Mike Prower the Fox chapter 1 . 7/29/2012
...So many dreams. So confusing!
wolfwarriorKronos chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
Man! I read this chap and was like "Damn, just one after another!"
Good work.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
Great job with this fic! The dream within a dream stuff was unique and very well done. Fox's emotional states were well written and believable. Loved the different roles of Krystal in each dream sequence. Some of it was a little twisted, but hey, dreams are like that sometimes. Krystal as a drill instructor was awesome, not a role I've considered her in before, but you wrote it well! Your Kursed portrayal was top-notch, too.

Again, awesome stuff!
Chimerical Knave chapter 1 . 7/7/2012
How very interesting.

I had trouble getting into it in the beginning but after that first dream, I was sucked right in. Jumped right down that bunny-hole.

Oh my, that could be taken in so many different ways.

I could see that you were going for that confusing, sporadic style . . . since it was a dream and all. The common theme being that "it was just a dream" and then realizing that it's not!

Except it was.

Poor Fox.

The dreams did get creepier and creepier as they progressed.

So I think you guys pulled it off well enough.

Next time, try a more stream-of-consciousness style writing. I'm sure that will create interesting results.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/3/2012
Going from one dream to the next was...confusing...
chaos Leader chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
Right, so you're the (in)famous weapon/writing utensil duo I've heard about. But anyways, story; let's see what we've got here...

The classic angsty Fox scenario, given dream form. I'll be honest, it's practically a dead horse in Star Fox fandom by now, but the dream-flipping was an interesting approach, and it helped keep in contained as a oneshot.

Well, if it's the ending you're worried about... it ends on a complete downer. If you wanted to add, or just hint at, a small glimmer of hope, one possibility might be to just end with Fox gearing up for the mission, telling the readers, "I may be wallowing in self-pity, regretting the stupid things I did, but I've got a job to do and dammit I'm going to do it!"

Otherwise, the only thing that might want to get looked at is the final time Fox gets up, which could be milked a little more. after "waking up" from that many Russian nesting doll dreams, he still might be suspicious of that reality being a dream, and may seek to test it, and if possible, force himself to wake up from it.
bryan mccloud chapter 1 . 7/4/2012
you know this one-shot story is similar to another story

read this story man.

A Rough Night for Fox McCloud by James R. O'Neill

tell me what you think...ehhhhh...isn't it similar to your story here?
twilight dragon god chapter 1 . 7/3/2012
i'm confused is all i can say.