|Reviews for Coach Granger|
| Guest chapter 5 . 8/13
There was a bit of a repetition "He looked terrible. Aside from the large hole in his chest, he looked terrible"
would sound better if it was shortened to avoid the word repetition, like this:
"Aside from the large hole in his chest, he looked terrible
| Guest chapter 5 . 8/13
Please stop writing G500 etc.
It should be written out as 500 Galleons, the other way just looks clumsy, and is done neither in canon nor fanon so it feels immersion breaking.
| Guest chapter 4 . 8/13
Looked a bit weird, I think you meant "Quote-important-unquote"
| ak chapter 5 . 5/24
dumbledore n'a pas protesté pour la mort de voldy?
| Draeconin chapter 1 . 4/23
Okay, you asked in your A/N about 'stripped down' stories. In my opinion, this one is ALMOST fleshed out enough. What you were describing is not a story, but a story outline.
| Lord of All chapter 4 . 12/27/2015
Read the story for the dozenth time. Have you thought anymore about finally posting a sequel?
| thepkrmgc chapter 5 . 5/12/2015
the summary lies when it says this isnt a harmony ship (even if things dont quite end up that way), but its an excellent fic regardless
| thepkrmgc chapter 4 . 5/12/2015
its fitting that you mention neitzche, as harry confronts the abyss
| thepkrmgc chapter 3 . 5/12/2015
interesting development of the love triangle, and on dealing with the malfoys
| thepkrmgc chapter 2 . 5/12/2015
nice job on the nemisis plan to keep things interesting and funny, without compromising the drama of the main conflict
| thepkrmgc chapter 1 . 5/12/2015
i think that you should probably aim for the middle ground, covering everything comprehensivly without retreading existing points
| Eldersprig chapter 4 . 5/1/2015
"Powerful wizards control others unconsciously or consciously?" explains a lot.
| gaharbert chapter 5 . 2/9/2015
dang good keep it up.
| Rexnos chapter 1 . 7/9/2014
This story is years old at this point, but I felt the need to comment after reading the author's note. While this story is more fleshed out than several of yours I've read, it's still lacking greatly in imagery and action sequences in general. Your characters and plot certainly have direction and import, but there aren't any explosions, pretty pictures, or even much physical interaction between characters. In essence, you tell us about events without really showing us them.
A solid example at the very end of this chapter was the scene with Snape throwing an acidic potion at Harry. You told us this all occurred, but did not show us exactly what happened. In this manner we miss out on Hermione's emotional reaction to the event in progress, or Harry's first person account of the attack. You could also have shown us a more visceral version of events. Did Harry's flesh melt? Did Snape laugh at his success? Was Harry overconfident going into the duel?
That said, I like your ideas a great deal. I notice you trend more towards a darker sort of wizarding world, but you're hardly the first author to do so. It makes your characters, particularly the adults and authority figures, seem very unrealistic at times, but watching Harry and Hermione be forced to deal with their willful, criminal negligence is quite interesting.
| VerySleepy chapter 5 . 5/31/2014
I found a few things odd - I'm mentioning them just to give feedback, not to claim that they kept me from enjoying the story,:
I found the H-Hr relationship development more than a bit weird - both are clearly sufficiently romantically interested in the other that the lack of a real push on the part of either to accept that and consider a permanent relationship is strange to me.
I found Harry's lack of any sort of extended mourning for Luna weird, too, as well as the fact that she seems fairly non-present as a character given that Harry apparently was willing at one point to pick her. I also found his acceptance of a fairly casual punishment for her killers out of character given the rest of his behavior.
Overall, a good read - good enough that I stayed up late trying to finish it, which is pretty rare for me. Would definitely read an edited & extended version of the story.