|Reviews for Death Waits For Us All|
| Hermi-ko chapter 1 . 8/27/2012
This so sad and true, thanks for the words you put together in hommage to them all who died in battles. It's very well written.
Do you mind if I translate this as well? Some French-speaking players do not read very well English (and just use the game to have a target to kill, not a story of war to follow).
Congratulations for this awesoness!
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/6/2012
im not sure if it was me who posted that review, but if you want help making your characters interesting, i could give my personal opinions. i've read almost all your work, and ive loved it all so far :D its humorous, it's care free, it's got violence, love, all kinds of things that vindcitus readers wanted to read about. if you really want to make it better, heres a few things i have to say about your fanficiton. once again, its my personal opinion, so please dont take it as straight up law. just want to aid your wish of making your already great series even better :D
IMO, your most likable character is Evie, because no matter what she does, she's always happy about it, she's trys to be friends with everyone, and it's a very nice portrayal of the games actual character.
Fiona is also nice to read about, being an attractive women with exceptional strength and fighting skills. She is the most similar to Lann for her weapons and fighting style, so many players often see that they gotten along well, even if Lann is a bit stubborn at times xD.
Lann is probably the one character you might want to tweak a bit, because from what we get from the game, he is the leader of the team, shouting plans, attacking things head first, trying to be a good sport for everyone. Lann is probably the most famous character among the community, and fans of him want to get more of it. You pretty much have Lann down as a character, he's funny, he's kind, he a bit clumsy at times, but his charm made up for all that. id say the only real problem with your version of Lann is that he kinda fucks up a bit TOO much, and at times the relationship between him and fiona kinda reminds people of Raymond and Debra from Everybody Loves Raymond, Lann seemingly always being bossed by Fiona and cowers before her, and many Lann players are saddened by this. you cant blame them, they want to see the kickass fearless leader they imagined as they played the game! thats why they read fanfiction!
Jesus, that one was long...
And finally, you have Karok. dont take this badly, im just saying from what feel, Karok is probably the least interesting character, but that PURLEY because of screen time. We havent seen enough of him or the interaction with the other characters (which im about to get to in a minute) to really distinguish a character for him. dont get me wrong, he's not a bad character, he's just kinda underused. one thing i would say is to make sure Karok isn't a bumbling giant. if you read his bio, you would understand that Karok is actually very wise and humble, only unleashing his true self in the battlefield.
Kai... hasnt come out yet, so your free to do what you want with him :D - one thing many Vindictus Fanfic writers use is the complaint that Kai is overpowered in their stories. they make Lann jelous of the attention Kai receives, and its a great subplot because many lann players actually feel that.
*phew* finally! now that thats outta the way, i think the one thing you do really well at is the interaction with the characters. the main reason people read vindictus fanficiton is because they want to see story they dont see in the game. they imagine this elite team of four (soon to be five) being an exceptional group on the battle field and friends in normal life. the want to see the characters go through certain mishaps and schinanagans to give the characters much more life. they want to see the relationship between Lann and Fiona, they want to see Evie working with Karok, they want to see how they react to Kais arrival, they want to see their favorite characters come to life! you've done that SO well so far, with every story containing almost all the characters and how the work with each other in and out of the battlefield! i think you just need to give the two male characters a little more dignity so you can please everyone who reads it :D
*GASP* oh my god, my fingers i am soooo sorry for making that so long. i do hope this gives you the feed back you wanted, and i hope to see more of your great work in the future :D
oh, and as for your story, was pretty great :) i must say, that's a gruesome way to die o.O