|Reviews for 1 Tintin and the Prophecy Stone|
| Little Christian chapter 8 . 11/16/2012
Aw, loved thsi story! Nollie is a great character, and I can't wait to see what adventures she'll have next!
| Pink-Pencil-Girl303 chapter 8 . 9/23/2012
Okay I know I said I wasn't going to be able to review anymore but it looks like I lied. Sort of. Anyway, is this what I think it is? Are you going to fill in them falling in love a bit more? I'm so excited! But how are you going to tie it in with Tintin and the Family Crest?
One thing; you want to make sure that it's not like 'everyone's picking on Nollie' all the time, you know? My suggestion is to proceed with this Charlotte thing with caution. A put-upon OC can spiral very quickly into a Mary Sue. Not that Nollie is one, but just to warn you. :)
Anyway, I'm very interested to see if you continue with this... please PM me explaining your plan, if you have the time and inclination! :) Talk to you later!
| Pink-Pencil-Girl303 chapter 6 . 8/14/2012
Woah. Did they just have a full-fledged romance arc in the span of three paragraphs? That's got to be some kind of record. Whew! The concept of their romance, even how it all played out previously, was very nice, but all of this realisation happened WAY too fast. I can imagine two childhood friends going on a great adventure that puts both of their lives in danger, and in the process they come to understand they have deeper feelings for each other but realising that, processing it, and actually admitting it is a much more laboured and involved process that you made it out to be.
Don't get me wrong, I really like Nollie. And not only that, but I feel the chemistry between her and Tintin. It's there! They click! They make a great team, and a great team can lead to great lovers. That's not something I can say for a lot of Tintin/OC FF authors, that Tintin and their character have chemistry, but Tintin and Nollie really do. That is why I feel so jipped by this abbreviated version of their romance. I mean, you didn't even describe the kiss! What does Nollie think about kissing Tintin, her best friend? How do his lips feel against hers? These are things the reader wants to know during a kiss scene- they want to feel like they're kissing Tintin. [Because, let's get real here, that's what we'd all like to be doing.]
I suppose the nub and gist of this rambling review is that I'd like to see the unabridged version of how Tintin and Nollie came to realise and accept their feelings for each other. :) Pretty please? I mean, they're best friends! If you have a guy friend, imagine him in your mind. Imagine going on some crazy adventure with him. Then imagine falling in love with him and kissing him. It feels weird, right? So I'd like to see Nollie thinking it's weird that she suddenly has... feelings for her besty, and Tintin would probably be having a similar internal conflict. Like him thinking "She looks so pretty when her hair is wet." Then thinking "Wait, what?" That sort of thing. You're a good writer, and I see your spirit in Nollie's voice. I know you can do it, so why not? If the mood strikes you, consider writing a continuation of Nollie and Tintin's adventure [barring the events of the last chapter], where we see them falling in love.
Or you can consider me just a mad reviewer and ignore everything I say. ;) It's all up to you. Either way, if you write more Nollie and Tintin [in any form it may take], I'll be excited to read it! Thanks for this story, I really enjoyed it.
| FossilQueen1984 chapter 6 . 8/13/2012
I have read quite a few five, and this one is really sweet. As a heroine, Nollie is spunky and fun, and I love it that she grew up as a friend if Tintin, and they're dating. Loved the magical cheese bit, seems like it belonged in a Monty Python skit. Keep it up, and feel free to look at my stories. :)
| luvAdventure123 chapter 5 . 8/9/2012
I really like this chapter so I wanted to make a review. Okay so, the story is so far so good and I'm just excited to read the next chapter! Keep up the good work!
| Pink-Pencil-Girl303 chapter 3 . 7/9/2012
I like it, the story's getting a lot easier to follow and more realistic now, to me anyway. Also, this mystery's just starting to get really exciting with the discovery of this rock!
One thing; how would they know he's British by the colour of his skin? Plenty of people from many different countries have fair skin. I would say they could identify he's British by his accent. "Well, he spoke like you," [gestures toward Nollie] "Oh! So he's British!" Like that.
Also, have you given any more thought to re-including Snowy? :(
Please update soon, I'm excited to see what happens next! :D
| Pink-Pencil-Girl303 chapter 2 . 7/7/2012
Hi there! I've been really enjoying your story! I can tell you love Tintin and that you love adventure, just like me! But I have a few things to say;
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I don't mean it to be, but there are some plot problems with your story. Although the action itself is exciting and well-written, the overall structure needs more research and thought behind it. For example, what country are they starting out in? Whether it's England or Belgium [with Tintin, it would probably be one of those two], they're going to have to go across water to get to Morocco. So let's say they're starting out in Brussels, Belgium. After going all the way across France and Spain in a few hours [highly unlikely], they're going to have to get across the Strait of Gibraltar somehow to get to Morocco. But Nollie and Tintin never get on a boat! Unless they've managed to discover a flying train, that's impossible. Sorry if that sounded snarky... I was trying to be funny. :/
Another thing that bothered me; Tintin doesn't know Spanish in your story? That's OOC for him. He knows pretty much any language he comes across, and would definitely know one as common as Spanish. Also, since when did he get a house and a maid? In the comics he lives in an flat and definitely doesn't have a maid. Either something happened in your story that you should explain or that's incorrect. Please do your research on stuff like that!
Something I want to say that I really like; Nollie! She's a cool character. She's got some interesting traits; confident, strong, trusting, funny. She's very easygoing and smart, and her dialogue is fun to read. The dynamic between her and Tintin [except for the staring part...] is relaxed and believable, I can totally imagine them being friends. :)
The staring at each other... that was kind of weird, to be totally honest! People who are starting to have feelings for each other don't randomly stare at one another for prolonged periods of time, especially when someone else is trying to tell them something. That felt a little unnatural. Perhaps they would start to notice the little gestures they do for one another; staying up on watch, giving each other food, holding the other's hand during an intense moment... and by noticing these things you can give clues that there's starting to be more than a friendship. Maybe this is just me, but I think staring sounds more creepy and unexplained than romantic.
Also, I can't believe they went home with a random lady [claiming to be a sorceress, they don't know for sure!] they've known for less than two minutes! I just can't see that happening. Perhaps she could say something mystical like "I know what you seek, you seek answers and justice...[blah blah blah insert more mystical jazz here]... I can help you." Then Tintin and Nollie, because they're curious, follow her to see if she really can help them. Just a suggestion, but something along those lines seems more plausible to me!
"...someone tricked her into drinking alcohol and then tried to take over her to get her to kill us," Tintin murmured, "He must've found out where we were and that she was coming over in the morning and drugged her in her sleep."" Did he give her alcohol or drug her? Get your story straight, Tintin!
Snowy popped up in places in the first chapter but by the second chapter he disappeared! Where did he go? :'( It doesn't feel like a Tintin story without Snowy, just saying! Please try to include him more, I love that little dog so much! :)
I really like Nollie and all the bad guys chasing after them make things very exciting! Thanks for considering my suggestions, if you do, and I'm sorry if I came off too harsh, that's just my reviewing style. I'm interested to see what happens next! :D
P.S.- I laughed at Tintin's question; 'does the cheese have magical properties?' XD Magical cheese!