|Reviews for Samskeyti|
| Unknown reviewer chapter 6 . 3/13/2013
Amazing story. I am also surprised at how you managed to give Falcon a voice that could be a southern USA voice.
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 6 . 10/21/2012
Everyone likes confidence. *nods sagely*
Just give it some thought, S. Then go explain things more thoroughly.
Midnight walks without a gun. Hm.
Heh. Spartan abode. Bet that'll change in time.
Heh. Looks like things have returned to normal for her... In part, at least. Heh. And I just mirrored the next bit, okay.
What to do with her? Answer's obvious, yo.
Nothing is certain.
She didn't do it with malice in mind. Forgive and forget, eh?
Yes, she really meant everything, and does care that much. And heh. Sanity is overrated.
Heh. Seems someone left you a note. ;)
Ah. So that's what it is. :P
Come now, why so surprised? ...Oh wait, because you're not the reader, right. XD
Hmm. Fill in the blank?
Well, it's certainly shorter than expected... Looks like things are ending possibly on a high note. Kind of wonder what was discussed though... That wasn't touched upon any. Mind you, might not necessarily be a _bad_ thing, but it's slightly unfulfilling. Hm.
Either way, good stuff. Love your characterization skills. :)
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 5 . 10/17/2012
In fairness dearie, you'd probably look out of place without, considering.
Heh. Part protective, part offended, I'm thinking? :P She probably should have opted to go after him, in my opinion. But eh. And yes. Stuck up for them. Crunchily.
Heh, slight misunderstanding about the town, then? She thought she was fond of it, but she's more meh about it. Okay. Wonder if that'll have any impact... I suspect if so, it'll be positive. "Oh, you're actually new there? Okay, I didn't screw anything up." "...How would you screw things up?" "Eheheheh..."
Yes. I imagine that'd be a bit weird.
There's something odd about saying she's standing there with the other adults... I mean, she's one too, right? :P Heh. Either way, the heart to heart after this shall be interesting... :P
Heh. Speed daemons. Always on about vomits and slower cars. :P
Not anxiety... Companionship, at a guess?
Ahh. Heart to heart time, eh?
Heh. He loves the diner. And... Heh.
Yes, yes it really is that simple.
Apologizing for the swap, or for going through the kit? I'm guessing the latter.
...And so is she, okay. Clever girl. /eaten by raptor
She did, she did indeed.
Take a chill pill. It was largely incidental.
Heh. Well. Tone got through to her where words probably wouldn't have. Works, eh?
And the truth is out!
Yeah. I suppose if you have such issues... Yeah.
Misunderstanding! But not for long, I expect.
She's convinced they're true, because... Well, they're true, that's why.
Argh! Not the right answer! Ow, my feels.
I suppose wanting to be very sure of things though is a good idea in this situation. *nods*
You know, you really should just tell her what you're thinking, yo. It'll help matter immensely.
Give it time, guys. :P Hm. Incidentally... Heh.
Come on guys, it ain't over yet. :P
Who's nodding? I think it's F, but I'm not positive.
Ouch. Feels, man. And no, you messed nothing up, just give her a bit.
Heh. Taking it slow in the slow car. :P
It is adorable, too.
Heh! Poor F, L's cracking wise at his expense.
I agree with her. Story ain't over yet!
Serendipity can be good, aye.
Oh lawdy. Not so random after all. Heh.
I thought this was going to be cute. And it was really, but it was sort of bittersweet. I guess cute comes next. Though, according to the A/N, that's an epilogue. Hmm...
Either way, L, you mischievous devil, you. :P
Good stuff. Hope you have good things in store for us though. :P
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 4 . 10/16/2012
Already, I'm liking the headings. We know exactly whom is being focused upon right off. :D
Heh. She's having a bad day, then?
Humm... I see why she's sad. Sounds like it could be an interesting side story.
Heh. Well, that's one way to get things out in the open, if a bit accidental.
lol at the threat, there.
I guess if she needed any more proof of identity, said threat would be it. :D
Heh. And she knows her liars, I'm guessing.
Hmm... The bit with P talking about S needing more trust in her life reads slightly confusing to me. Not sure what it is exactly though, I'm afraid.
Same with the paragraph after, just a bit. Well, the first sentence, anyway. I think that's related to my confusion with the prior paragraph mostly, though, and isn't confusing on its own. ...If that makes any sense at all.
Heh, just get a ride with F, I'm sure he'd be willing to offer a lift. Crazy bastard.
The last sentence in the 'slumping over' paragraph is a bit odd in context.
Or S is very transparent. Either or, I guess.
Heh. Feels, man. ALL THE FEELS!
Heh. It does seem like it'd be hard for someone like her. Good characterization there, even if I'm not familiar with the fandom, I definitely feel it.
Heh. Interesting thing to relate it to; kind of agree with her in a way, too.
Heh. I guess P sees right through her.
Dark and troubled past. I like it. Even as I feel for her.
Well. Your fears are well and truly unfounded. If one feels that way, well... They should just up and say it, I think. She should, certainly. That said, I suppose there's something to the worry that she'd say yes. Kinda, anyway.
Armour piercing questions, ftw.
So sheltered. Heh.
Poor S, either way. Even if it's good advice, gotta be a bit awkward.
Yep, a lot. Good advice though.
Real life: Better than books. ...Wait, this is a story. Bookception! /shot
Hmm... Your headings need a touch of consistency, I think... Either have the x in y's perspective for both of them, or just the x's perspective.
8D Oh lawdy. Kiss that ground.
Yes, because she's going to want to eat something after that trip. :P
Heh. No one's surprised by that. Speed daemon.
Heh. "It was hidden in plain sight, just as she was." Good line.
Hope she doesn't get betrayed by the exclamation point.
Ah, the tribulations of being famous.
Mmm... Neutral responses, for the win.
Hmm... I wonder if going by a pseudonym might have been a better option. I mean, the real one would act considerably different than her, I expect, so she could probably get away with it. *nods*
Heh. Name dropping can have that effect. Can also have the opposite effect, depending on company.
Hm. She might deprive the real one of that surprise. Hmm...
Certainly sounds good. :P
Seems it indeed is good. :D
Heh. I bet she does indeed come back, with... Ah, a passenger, so to speak?
Heh. And that's why.
Yep, diners like that are nice places. *nods*
Heh. Either he's been a-stalkin', or he figured she'd follow his advice. Either way, I hope he waits for her to digest a little, or else he's probably gonna have to clean his ride a bit. XD
Heh. So that bit was mutual, eh? Figures. :P
Good, no driving. That'd probably be a bit awkward. XD
It'll be alright, dearie. Take a chill pill, eh? :P
There's a lot of setup in this chapter. A lot of shared feelings in the first part, and a bit about her arrival in the second. Good stuff, but parts of the second seem a bit filler-y.
But, thinking on it... Not that filler-y. Maybe like something that will come up again. Maybe even full-on plot relevant, I'm not sure. Either way, I guess I'll find out. :D
Anyway, good stuff as always. :)
| IrishPanther chapter 2 . 10/14/2012
Not a whole lot going on in this chapter, besides the fact that Zelda discovers that she is in Samus's body. Nice job of describing Samus's ship-like living place, as well as Zelda's reaction when she found out about the switch! No grammatical errors spotted so excellent work proofreading! I'll be waiting to read more and to see what occurs next!
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 3 . 10/13/2012
I was briefly confused by that first sentence. But only briefly.
...Heh. Well, it's too late for that, S. She's done seen it.
Everyone's just in the last place people are wanting them to be, today.
Hm. And what happened to P, I wonder, to make her so unflappable?
Odd word choice - Precursor? Doesn't really fit the situation. Maybe, hm... "Sign" doesn't really fit either exactly, but that's the closest I can think of.
Oh dear. G is here. Poor L.
Heh. Seems that someone didn't appreciate that comment. How long will it be before she rips his head off and uses it as a bowling ball with his ribs as the pins? Hm.
Heh. Well. Close enough, I guess.
Heh. Well, at least L got some amusement out of all of that, even if G's probably going to keep carrying on.
Don't worry L. All will be as it should, I'm certain.
Hm. Maybe Z should have found the armour. Bet it has heaters at least. Hm. Assuming this 'verse even has the armour. I'm not sure about that, truth told.
Sounds like a nice place, anyway.
Heh. Reliable friends are a good thing to have.
Heh. Yes. "too close for comfort" is exactly how I would describe that. :P
Yeah, that bit. Could be a bit awkward. Maybe she shouldn't have snooped in the box, eh? Heh. Well. It'll probably work out even so. Just a feeling.
Hm. A road. Do all roads lead to Rome, though? Hmm.
...So... ...You know, there seems to be a degree of schizophrenic tech involved here, as an observation.
Hmm... But should one take a ride with a creeper, I wonder? ...Ah well, not like she can't take care of herself in this event.
Look, you brought the gun, just shoot at him until he goes away.
Heh. Yes. Like that, sorta.
...So, who's the new person, I wonder? Either way, stylish way to take care of a problem.
Heh. Don't know who F is exactly, but... Somehow, it seems to me like a, he knows... One of them, anyway, and b, he knows something is up. Well, and c, he's very smooth after getting over the surprise.
Heh. Yes. He is very on the ball, isn't he?
Oh what? I'm confused.
...Ah. It's a God, isn't it? Basing that on the context.
Heh. Man. He's _really_ on the ball, isn't he?
Heh. Well. Who would expect one of your facetious answers to actually get a 'yes'? :P
Heh. I have to admit, I like this guy. He's got style. Hope she doesn't regret a spot of exploration here, though.
Ah, now we can get everything sorted, theoretically.
Yes, quite the gentlemen. Crazy gentlemen, but yes.
Wait, he noticed the blush? ...Some sort of video cellphone, or...?
"[REDACTED] noticed and said "I think we'll all be fine, though. I can snag the potion out of your space and bring it and [REDACTED] up to you. Would that sound good?"" -It took me a moment to realize what that said, had to reread that a couple times. I'm not sure if that's the sentence or me being tired though.
Heh. Yes. Let the two of them start to have a moment, perhaps? ...Heh. If she's left P's, anyway.
Heh. Which she hasn't. Okay.
Heh. A note of jealousy there, I see.
Heh. Thumbs always approve.
Heh. Love between friends. :)
Heh. I like his name for her. Either way. Man. What happens if he puts the pedal to the metal?
Heh. Ironic echo there at the end, slightly?
Heh. This looks like it should be cute by the end, in theory anyway. Very much a characterization story though, makes it hard for me to give a more general review than a sort of play-by-play.
Regardless, I like it. Good stuff. :)
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 2 . 10/13/2012
So I'm doing things a bit differently nowadays. I give a sort of 'rolling commentary' when I give what thoughts I have while I'm reading the story, then at the end I include my general thoughts on what just happened. If that's a problem, well, just let me know and I'll return to what I was doing. :) Anyway.
Ah. Time for the other perspective on this matter.
Hm. So that's why she doesn't wear pants. Well, it's a hint at the reason, anyway.
Mysterious pants, mysterious pants, do whatever any pants do!
You know, she's taking this better than her counterpart did, just an observation. Heh. Guess she is used to that sort of thing, though.
No, not kidnapped. Hm. Will you figure it out, I wonder? Heh. Well, if there's a mirror around...
Good! Now figure out how to throw your voice!
Current particular incarnation? I'm guessing that's canon stuff I'm not familiar with.
Heh. A mutuality of feelings there, I see. No surprise there, really.
Heh. Another catalyst is my bet, really.
Heh. I still don't think she'd appreciate a redecoration, deserving or no.
Face it Z, she likes the place spartan.
Don't worry about it Z. I'm positive she won't care.
Come now, what'd you expect? All you're gonna find is pants. ALL THE PANTS!
Heh. It's fun to watch her mind work, actually. And with such mundane things.
Unusual looking module? Hmm...
Oh, retinal scanner. ...That comes off the wall? Hrm. ...Wait, I misread that, never mind.
Hmm... Why do I think "drop pod" when I see this room?
For no reason, I guess. Hmm...
Ah. Memories. ...And, this box is larger than I thought it was.
Hmm... A note. No, poetry, sorta. Hmm...
Heh. Cute. Hope she succeeds in that in the end.
Yesss... Tells her.
Man. I can't help but feel like just randomly opening doors is going to lead to an airlock.
Heh. Airlock. She really should stay put though, I feel. Hmm...
You have good characterization. That's really the main thought I have about this. I mean, aside from the fact that it's good overall, which it is.
I look forward to more. :)
| The Death Frisbee chapter 6 . 9/29/2012
I AM BACK TO REVIEW THIS.
Abandon all hope etc. etc.
Anyway, what I did not include in my beta goes as follows:
Your flow has gotten a lot better. You're using shorter paragraphs for emphasis, but not overusing them, so that points well to a growing style. Additionally, there's less meandering and more of a sense of plot, which makes plot-driven people like me more compelled to continue reading.
Similarly, the bits of humor in this come through without feeling forced and cliched, which is telling for more than just humor's sake. By way of example, 'Pants. Hallelujah. A pair of pants on legs that were definitely hers' is funny, without feeling the need to pull the awful 'And everyone laughed'-type groaner that moments of humor can often lead to in purple prose. So I can tell from that that you're growing more comfortable with your writing, because that's evidence of a burgeoning sense of confidence.
As I mentioned, you're also not overwriting things, which is good. KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid [no offense meant; that's its name]) applies to writing as much as it applies to everything else. It takes more talent to tell a good story simply than it does to tell it in a complicated fashion. It's the difference between, say, a science report and Carl Sagan - the reason non-science people read Carl Sagan and not science reports is because of the simplicity and clarity of his prose, and because he's an effective communicator. You've become a more effective communicator in this story as well.
One of the things you've managed most to get rid of is needless repetition. Where you use it ('Maybe change wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe.') it's for a purpose and not for verbosity, so good calls there.
Glad to be of some use! And thanks, of course, for the thanks! Although I am no longer some mishmash of letters, I hope these new/saved thoughts are useful too!
Only one thing caught my eye that didn't before (unsurprising that that was it, since I betaed the last): Pronoun confusion with 'Did Zelda really mean everything? Did she really care that much?' - pronoun confusion on the 'she.' I and you know you mean Samus, but it's unclear from the writing. If you wanted to tweak that to 'Did Samus really care that much? It seemed insane, because she still didn't feel...', I wouldn't complain.
| Dominus Tenebrosus chapter 1 . 9/26/2012
So, the usual "I'm not familiar with the fandom" warning applies. Not really sure it matters much though, in this event.
I'll admit, don't usually read this sort of thing, but eh. Either way, interesting to see the repeated 'oh craps' going through her mind. Have to wonder what the other one's doing, and how she's taking it. Could be worrisome given where she's at, though. Hm.
Anyway, no SPAG errors or anything like that that I could see, so that's good. :) Gonna keep reading this, looks like it should be interesting. :P
| IrishPanther chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
Nice introductory chapter! Samus is in Zelda's body and Link and Samus are going to make things right! Hopefully they can find Zelda and fast! I noticed a little capitization error (forgot to capitalize 'With' in "with me...how?"), your writing techniques are as amazing as anybody on here, probably even better! Keep up the good work and I'll be waiting to read the next chapter! :)
| A Flicker of Candlelight chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
Very interesting concept. I like how different Samus is from Zelda. Her outburst was funny. I wonder what the people nearby thought of that!
| MangoRamune chapter 2 . 7/26/2012
Definitely more interested in what's going on now. Zelda's response to the body swap seemed to flow a lot better than it did with Samus.
I always feel a little awkward/uncomfortable about Samus writing/saying/thinking deep lines similar to what Zelda found, but seeing as she's got a wildly depressing background...she's gotta let it out somewhere.
Going to throw it out there that after Zelda opened the door of the ship, you began the next four sentences with some form of 'She did x'. It's monotonous; remember to switch your opening words up.
At this point, I'm sold on the next chapter, if for no other reason than I have to know what's going through Zelda's mind. She was so calm and sensible for all of this. She knew Link would be helping Samus, and had to figure they would be coming to look for her... So where the devil is she going?
| MangoRamune chapter 1 . 7/25/2012
This wasn't really holding my attention until Link came into the picture and the plot started to happen.
I suppose I picture Samus as a more brusque, practical type who, despite being flustered by the situation, wouldn't spend so much of her time so close to swooning over this turn of events. I didn't really think she was behaving like herself until Link came into the picture and she started to behave less timidly.
On a more grammatical note, you started several of your sentences with present continuous verbs. It's alright once in awhile for specific purposes, but it just stands out when you throw them in that way while you're using past tense otherwise .
| Megalink1126 chapter 2 . 7/22/2012
Alright, time for chapter two!
Once again, I thought you did a great job with your characterization. Zelda had her own distinct thoughts and feelings that were portrayed very well throughout the chapter. It was very cool to compare the two characters, Zelda and Samus, from each of their own viewpoints. The chapter length was nice as well.
I did notice a few things I figured I'd point out to you. First of all, there was this sentence:
"She could at least breathe a sigh of relief that she was in Zelda's body at the mansion."
The main reason this stood out to me is that it sounds like Zelda's referring to her body in the third person the way it's written. I think a 'her' would fit much better in this sentence.
The second thing I noticed was this:
"She frowned, recognizing that as the sign of the Chozo, a civilization that had been destroyed not too long ago."
This just immediately got me asking the question: how does Zelda know about the Chozo civilization? Before in this chapter, you mentioned how Zelda came from a "time and world that was a technological era behind much of the universe." So how would she have knowledge of an alien race of creatures from a different planet from a mere symbol? I dunno, it just sort of jumped out at me, especially since Zelda doesn't seem like she's talked with Samus enough to have gotten background information on alien species and having recognized it from an item in the fights doesn't necessarily mean that she'd know anything about it. But yeah.
Did I mention I really liked the fact that you split up Samus' and Zelda's character introductions into two chapters and focused on them one at a time? I think I might of briefly touched on it, but whatever. I thought it was a really good way to let the reader familiarize his or herself with each character, seeing some of their thoughts, feelings, and individual quirks before really jumping straight into the story. It sets you up with a really nice base to work off of and I'm interested in seeing where you're going to go with the story. So I guess that means I'll just have to keep on reading, haha.
Until next time!
| Vyscaria chapter 1 . 7/22/2012
The part about this piece that strikes out most to me is the character analysis you have going on. It gives me a great insight into what sorts of people these characters were and how they differed from one another. That being said, usually with body!switch fics the author has the characters either freaking out completely or not caring at all. I enjoy how in this work you worked in Link as the mediator, who calms Samus down but at the same time instills a sense of urgency to find Zelda.
Another thing I loved right off the bat about this fic was your eloquent summary. It drew me in right away even though I don't ship this pairing (or fem!slash in general.) In general, this fic is being handled surprisingly well in my opinion, though I'd have liked to see differences in movement. For example, I think Zelda would be less fit than Samus, and maybe there are certain things that she can no longer do because Samus is in Zelda's body?
"She wondered if she should change, and immediately dispelled the idea. She couldn't feel comfortable undressing in someone else's body, especially hers. It just seemed… violating."
This part was my favorite- it sums up how odd and strange this event is and all the complications that come with it; especially if you are in the body of someone you feel affection/attraction towards. Samus was very well written here- the initial awkwardness and shock fading into understanding and slow amusement.
Excellent work- can't wait to see how they find Zelda! C: