|Reviews for Alien Uprising|
| KD7BWB chapter 1 . 10/22/2017
I don’t come onto “ ” often, but seeing your story, and then reading; I found the need to respond for this review.
This story is fairly well written, and the dialog is engaging. It has meaning and shows a history of events from the Anime it is based on. Forgive the commentary in this form, as I have not seen this anime. I tend to shy away from stories with characters named Pie and Tart.
However, let us delve into the story as is.
1). Your chapters are 3-4 pages each.
This is far too short. Most novels are chapters at 25-30 pages, and based on that, your 9-chapters make one good chapter. This comment is also the same for fanfiction.
I also write some fanfic, and the first chapter of a longterm story is here. It is very meaningful, and its length is where it should be. The rest of 26 chapters is on wattpad-dot-com, and now stands at over 900-pages.
While your writing is quite good, you need to think in more detailed terms, meaning much more material is needed.
2). This first “chapter” ends with a line that does not really show an ending of a contextual event. The beginnings of chapter-2 is a direct continuation of the first chapter, which is not how chapters work.
A chapter should be used to tell a complete minor point, and end a sub-topic. While chapters can be used for a larger story, as a continuing arc, each chapter should still be able to complete a contextual concept. The end should be important, and while it can lead into the next chapter, the next chapter should have a new subtext as a topic for that chapter.
Two continuing chapters, should never be used to continue the exact same narrative.
3). is a lousy site to publish your work. Their publishing tools are often defective, and sometimes completely inoperative. If it works for you I’m glad, but I cannot publish here, as secondary chapters won’t publish for me.
is also ugly, has no style or sanity in its layout. Its security and protection of your copyrights are non-existant. But now I’m harping, and I apologize.
Keep writing, your material shows a potential for good writing. Believe me, I am not all that good at it, but I write proper chapters, for a proper story, that can hold the reader. Don’t quit, the effort is not futile grin!
| strix16 chapter 7 . 2/17/2017
Rin is also a minor character in Inuyasha
| Ven'sPen chapter 1 . 6/9/2016
Excellent first chapter, I have a feeling I'm going to binge read this entire thing! c:
| Guest chapter 39 . 5/12/2016
Annette again *kicks legs while fanrling* i called it that there would be a red knight!
| Guest chapter 35 . 5/12/2016
*gasp* i know what is happening! Pie is the white knight and he stabbed mylo in the leg where pie was stabbed. Kisshu is ths green knight and he stabbed MyLonelyLife in the back where he stabbed kisshu. Tart is probably gonna be the red knight who protects pudding and of course the same story plot with the white and green knights.
Btw it's Annette again *cracks wrist and it sounds creepy* stupid creepy wrist! Thats what happens when you sprain something3 times people. My left wrist is proof of that
| Guest chapter 26 . 5/12/2016
Hello its Annette. Mylo' attacks are causing the unexpected chaos i just know it!
| Guest chapter 16 . 5/9/2016
Um hi yeah its Annette again! Ive had a sprained wrist before. Thrice/3 times! The same wrist each time!
| Guest chapter 13 . 5/9/2016
Hi im Annette! I am basically the teenage version of Pudding! Always hyper and blonde and has a crush on Taruto. Yes i admit it! I have a crush on Taruto! He is so kawaii! Anyways i always act out as the character pudding while reading these fanfictions.
| Guest chapter 52 . 3/10/2016
The Doctor Who reference was hilarious! I remember that scene! Anyway, I'm enjoying the humor of this story!
| TheFairyOfShadows chapter 28 . 1/9/2016
Okay, so this may just be my inner nerd taking over, but I swear if this guy is the Black Knight in Cyniclon form I am going die of happiness!
| TheFairyOfShadows chapter 1 . 1/9/2016
This is so cute!
| Stormshadow13 chapter 45 . 8/16/2015
Wow, and the guys in Ransom of Red Chief thought that they had it bad. LOL.
| Chaos chapter 53 . 7/20/2015
By a red sleigh pulled by eight reindeer.
"Uh…" Tart said slowly, blinking a few times. "What just happened?"
"Chimera Animal got run over by a reindeer, trying to destroy Tokyo on Christmas Eve," Pudding sang. "You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and my team, we believe."
"Pudding, now is not the time for a cover of 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer'." Ichigo said.- Cutie
| CrystalKija2000 chapter 56 . 7/15/2015
I read through this story in under two days which is unsurprising as it is probably one of the best I have ever read. When I first saw that it was 56 chapters long I thought that it would either get boring or drag on for too long, but each chapter was just as good as the last. Currently I am halfway though 'Alien Upgrade' and I can't wait to see how the story progresses. _
| Alikko chapter 56 . 7/10/2015
I've only recently got back into Tokyo Mew Mew and this is the second story on that I can read the chapters several times (along with the other two parts) and not get bored.
I like in this story you gave Ichigo and Masaya an amicable break up as I've read a lot of stories that portray him as a two timing jerk.
Love all your OCs (not Mylo) especially the three new Knights that keep appearing.