|Reviews for I've Missed You|
| dragon fier 20 chapter 1 . 2/7/2013
nice, it was great, and what happened after Nevermore? either way, i still liked it, and definitely thought it was amazing. :D
| grandtheftauto chapter 1 . 11/21/2012
love the story
wish it was longer
| Bored Secretary chapter 1 . 8/10/2012
Okay. So, erm... Oh God, how do I say this without sounding like an asshole? Well, I-. Here.
So, first off, you used the conveniently-timed "20 years later scene" that James Patterson oh-so-kindly provided us fanficcers with. That's cool. But considering that Max and Fang would then be in their late 30's, personally, I think that their actions were a bit OOC (out of character). I get that it's a smut-based fic, but even then, if you're wishing for a plausible scene between the two characters who are now almost forty, who haven't seen each other for 20 years, well... I just don't think things would have moved as fast as they did. There'd be a sense of almost awkwardness, despite their closeness before, and considering the grounds that he left on. Of course, that's in the real world, and this being a fic on bird-people in James Patterson's world, so I guess rules can apply as you like :/
If my first point was more about the plot, my second is about the construction of the chapter. Your sentence style was somewhat matter of fact, without much embellishment. If you're going to write a smut fic, then personally, I like to see a better-written, longer fic than a short, to-the-point, almost summary-like scene. There is great potential for this fic, but it depends on which way it's going to go. If you want to write a full-on smut chapter, which I think you were going for, considering the description of the scene, then more detail should be added. You've got the gist down in print, but not much else. Consider drawing it out a little- give the reader a bit of tension. It'll make the smut read better in the long run :)
So, all in all, this was a pretty basic smut fic. There was a slight amount of description, but none of the true interaction that two characters, with the kind of chemistry they have, should have. The scene was *rushed*, it seemed almost as if you wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible. Don't get me wrong, I'll never put down anyone's attempts at writing, *ever*. Unless it flat-out sucks and there's no possible hope for ever improving. That is NOT you. As I said, this story has a lot of potential, but it needs to be done correctly. Doubtlessly, you CAN improve. Smut can be the funnest thing in the world to write, but only if it's done right.
I really hope that you take this review the right way: to clarify, I'm NOT putting you down, I'm NOT flaming. I'm criticizing, though that has a somewhat negative connotation in today's society. I'm offering my view of your writing, what I feel was done at a somewhat mediocre level, and the improvements that I suggest. You can take it that way, or you can see me as a trolling flamer. But honestly, if I were flaming, would I put as much thought and work in to this review as I did? I could have said "dis sux" and walked away. But I didn't. I sincerely hope that you have the best of luck on this site, and all your future endeavors. If you still feel like talking to me after I posted what feels like an asshole comment, then feel free to PM me. I'd be glad to help with anything you need, or any questions you might have about in general. Please, please try to understand what I'm saying, and know that I'd really appreciate a reply, to know that all the words I just posted here were not a waste. Good luck, and good bye :)
| TooCoolToHaveaName chapter 1 . 8/6/2012
It was alright...
| youcancallmeobsessed chapter 1 . 7/19/2012