|Reviews for Family Doesn't End With Blood|
| fm1o6 chapter 23 . 9/24/2015
I wish they would allow for greater planning missions instead of "you two follow me". When the collectors board the Normandy, every ground team member is on the Kodiak. Being able to split everyone up into different fire teams, even if the success was based on their talents, would have made it a lot more fun, because I usually just use garrus and tali. Short range and long range compliment my flitting between both.
| fm1o6 chapter 21 . 9/24/2015
I remember earlier that you said that lightspeed travel was half a lightyear an hour. Given the fact that the milky way is 100,000 light years across, it would take 22 years to get from rannoch to thessia, and that's if they were going in a straight line. Of course, I'm assuming you're talking about the speed of the mass relays since they were going to bekenstein from the citadel, and not the speed of the shops when they go between systems.
| Agastopia chapter 21 . 6/21/2015
I see you kept to your word when you said you would put tali in a dark corner in the hanger
| V-rcingetorix chapter 29 . 1/3/2015
Ok, now I'm eager for the next chapter.
Overall, I'd say you have a good handle on POV switches, so don't worry too much about that. One thing I would work on, though, is the origin/description sentences. In one sentence, you describe the thermal clips as bouncing off the ground as they "reloaded on the run." That's good, it conveys hurried rush; however, it might sound better if you had phrased it, "they reloaded on the fly, spent thermal clips bouncing forgotten on the ground."
Otherwise, very good!
| V-rcingetorix chapter 18 . 1/1/2015
Excellent Shepard going should be a model for folks that want to write berserk Shepard fics.
| Sarabiii chapter 29 . 10/27/2014
Very well done story! Probably the best ME fanfic I've read. I particularly like your focus on the interactions between the grew. Much of the TalixShepard I've read gives a brief, dry summary of the missions they go on together and then concentrates on them and just them. Tali's great and all but it is the whole crew that makes Mass Effect awesome and your story captures that. You also capture a lot of the characters atitudes, (like Garrus and Grunt) pretty well. You do flanderize Tali though; in the original game she is shy, yes, but she only really breaks in to stammers and blushes when you begin to romance her has Shep, wheras in your story, at least in the beginning she is nearly constantly in "cute ball of giggles and blushes" mode. Later she seems to become almost bipolar switching between "giggles and blushes" mode and Lionness mode very frequently, with little in between. I think you should try to ground her character a bit more.
Also while overall your story is very well written (I particularly like that know how to write a fights to be interesting, which many don't) you do have quite a bit of word repetition, with "chuckles" being by far the most grievous offender. On the subject of your battle sequences, it's great that you veer off cannon so well without making the story feel AU. When your shep rips off a YMIR head, for example, it's not something that you can actually do ingame, but you don't make it feel out of place. Likewise Your Tali-Shep relationship's progression doesn't match the one in the game but you still make it feel organic.
And finally, and this isn't really criticism, all my shep is bound to be different from yours or anyone else's, but your shep kind feels like a jerk. I don't so much mean his killing of his enemies after they've surrendered but more of the way he treats his crew; in particular the fight with Garrus where he was basically being a total hypocrite and punching Garrus in the face without reason. Probably would've shot him were I Garrus.
Anywho, great story. Really fun to read your characters interact! I absolutely feel like what there saying in your writing is something they might've actually said in game.
| mordreek chapter 29 . 10/7/2014
Overall, had alot of fun reading this story, did an excellent job of cleaning out a pile of drek from my mouth from the last story. I could easily hear the character's voices, story flowed well and I was easily immersed. Hope to see you pick up the story again, you've done an excellent job and it'd be a shame to see it end
| mordreek chapter 17 . 10/5/2014
yes Commander asshole williams, pagans and heathens are such horrible, revolting people that being saved by one would be quite the trial. Gods that bitch really knows how to cross lines and kill good story buzzes. Other than the cuntbag supreme, this is an awesome story that I am loving.
| Colonel Radec chapter 9 . 4/20/2014
Well, this is a nice surprise. I think your story is the first I've read that doesn't demonize or vilify Tali's dad to an extreme degree.
| Michaelkoc1 chapter 29 . 12/1/2013
I read your story over three days and i loved it! Cant wait for more..
But a few things i noticed, you are putting alot of priority on shepard and tali. Theres something about their relationship in every other paragraph it seems like.. I am a big tali fan and romanced her in every playthrough of the game btw and i know its the early stages of their relationship but you could cut it down a wee bit.
I am glad you resolved the tali liara thing also, it felt like that was dragging out a bit and it wasnt really fair on liara.
Also your shepard feels like a bully tbh, he threatens the crew and is kind of a dick when he does, sometimes it feels like more than just a good ribbing.
You should ease up on garrus too man, i know the punch fit in well with your story but it was still unpleasant to read lol. I would love to see them becoming closer and moving past the threats that are all shepard seems to do when talking to garrus.
Also i hope you start to focus more on the team and shepard.. He needs to go and talk to them more, especially jack. The jack situation needs adressed soon too, that has been dragging for a while now.
Less hannah would be good to, too much focus on shep and tali and hannah.. Its cool to see her fleshed out and you do it so well but at this point less is more, i feel anyway. Shep should be starting to get friendly with the whole team and ficus on the mission and their loyalty mission by now, moving away from his own personnal stuff..
I noticed you dont do muc talks with shep and the team, i would love to see more of that..
I have rambled on here but i really love the story so far! Keep up the good work man
| LordValmar chapter 29 . 10/23/2013
This chapter is incredibly well-written, imo. From the action scenes to squad dialogue, everything just works. I've never read a better take on the Collector ship mission before and I really doubt I ever will. Perfected. Only downside is that since I follow so many stories clearly I've lost track of this one as I was surprised to see Liara there. Clear sign that I need to reread this from the start. Still, fantastic chapter.
| TW6464 chapter 29 . 10/12/2013
| CommanderDarius chapter 1 . 10/2/2013
Havent been here in a awhile got super giddy when I saw you updated cant wait to read and reveiw it!
| TakingAWalk chapter 29 . 9/28/2013
Woo, you're back!
Well, damn. Another excellent chapter. The action was very well put together and it was a tense read, even though I knew they'd all get out safely. And of course, the humour is always highly entertaining.
I don't have any criticism for you, just blind praise. I'm excited to see the aftermath of this mission, especially Tali chewing Shep out for his injuries. Gotta love couple dialogue.
| bluemarlin chapter 29 . 9/26/2013
Outstanding combat chapter. Thanks for updating and please continue.