|Reviews for the summer of love|
| Enis chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
Alright, sorry it's taken me a while to get around to writing a review. Been wicked busy and whatnot. Anyways, this is more of a review for all of your stories, as I figure most of this will apply. I like that you have a lot of great ideas, and I mean a lot. You've put out a pretty good amount of content in a very short amount of time. I certainly wish I was able to come up with stuff that fast.
While cranking out stories is definiyely awesome, the main thing I've noticed consistently throughout your stories is that they appear to be rushed. There are lots of little things that could be easily fixed, such as puttin in capitals at the beginning of your sentences, with a quick overview before submitting. Over all your grammar is pretty decent, although I'm not exactly amazing at it myself, nor am I a grammar Nazi, so I didn't feel that it took away from the story.
What I feel that needs to be worked on the most are your transitions, both between paragraphs and scene changes. It's all flying at me pretty fast, and I find that some things are progressing way to quickly. (This is a problem I have with my first story as well.) Slow down a little, really flesh out how a character is feeling, and try to throw a little more between the lines. I believe you have very good concept of where you want your stories to go, and if you took a little more time to on each one, you could achieve quite a bit more with your writing. Both Runswithbulls and Mendhi are very good writers, and they are good examples of what to strive for.
There are also beta readers around as well, and although I haven't gone to them myself, I know Runswithbulls uses them, and seems pretty happy with their work. So yea, just give your work a little time, go with two or three proof reads at least, maybe even find some one to give it a read before you submit, and I think you could put out some good stuff. What you have now, are good building blocks for sure, they just need a little work.
As for this story, I think Chiyo being insulted by My Little Pony and kicking ass at DDR was pretty awesome.
Also, I am by no means a good writer, so take my opinion at face value, but these are just things I think could really help you out. Keep up the hard work. Oh and what's up with this Peterpan guy? I'm so confused as to why he's trying to troll you so hard, I just don't get it.
| DirtyPeterPan chapter 1 . 7/31/2012
Hi there Im a very witty older gay male who HATES "Naturo" programs on the TV. Im trying to help you miss, dont be afraid! You NEED to stop wirting about "Naturo" and get serious interests instead, like books by Falkner or Ernst Hemmingway. They write about the seedy under belly of mankind; which is important to know unlike "Naturo" which only deals with stupid characters in ugly clothing.
| James Birdsong chapter 1 . 7/10/2012
Good work AzumangaLover. Maybe good