|Reviews for The Black Cat of Ardentmill|
| Reader chapter 1 . 10/5/2013
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/21/2012
bout the cat its true rite i feel srry for u.
| OnyxShine chapter 1 . 7/17/2012
MY GOD I HATE CANONEERS! I hate them! I'm in EU so they're only a month old, but seriously, I hate them! They steal everyone else's monsters!
| Epic Writing Fail chapter 1 . 7/10/2012
This story is... A tad confusing. Though I like the premise. It could make for a good creepypasta, and has potential.
Well... Your character started to refer to MapleStory as a video game, rather than an alternate universe that a player character treats as real life.
But then your character moves on to describe things as though they are actually IN the game, and as if the game is REAL LIFE. If you read the story again, keeping in mind that your character is simply staring at a screen watching this all unfold, it sort of works, but it's still incredibly confusing because some of the language used implies that they are an actual person from inside the game, rather than an avatar. This makes the story incredibly confusing, because it keeps switching between the two.
'On the day I joined MapleStory, the new Renegades update (the one with Phantom) was released, but I didn't want to follow the crowd. Instead, I made a Cleric.' - Referring to the game as a game.
'"I guess it's time to buy new headphones from the cash shop. At least there's a few pairs on clearance."' - The way you word it makes it sound like you're treating the game as real life/a real universe.
Sure, your character's wearing headphones in real life, but the cash shop in the game is where you buy /virtual/ things for your /virtual/ character, if you're looking at it from the perspective that this is a game and nothing more, which is what you did in the beginning, and just before when it says: 'I originally muted the sound so I can listen to my music playlist, but I can still hear the meowing.'
Is this just someone playing the game and recounting their experiences about the black cat of Ardentmill, watching the pixels? Or is it an OC from the Maple World, a real person, bumping into the cat as though it is a real humanoid cat with a cannon strapped to its back, blasting them to smithereens?
Please just stick with one or the other.