Reviews for Fire Emblem: The Sacred Comedy
Ganheim chapter 1 . 5/14
to the point he didn't care
[Shrugging off something takes effort, even if it’s practiced]

couples behind the
[Wouldn’t this be rumours?]

by the prince's sight
[But not the prince himself, just his sight]

land where wallets died in a blink of an eye
[So…they’re big into campaigning]

much more important place
[Sane, methinks]

continent was a peaceful place
[Nevermind all their big armies]

Chapter 2
wearing your bracelet on
[Awkward. She’s either wearing it or has it on, combining those two just causes stumbling]

entered with his horse
[Nevermind the issues of bringing animals famous for leaving crap on the road into a royal hall]

How Franz even avoided getting seen from the mob of Grado soldiers
[He has lazy powers. He was so lazy the other soldiers couldn’t notice him]

With that complain
[complaint]

cross through any
[cross over]

never won once against him playing chess
[That’s because he cheated and replaced all his pawns with rooks]

At your low level? The wind hurts me more
[Hah]

met two Fighters
[‘fighter’ is not a proper noun]

a higher up say
[to say?]

She swiftly dodged
[If she dodges it’s probably swift. Adverbs often fail to help sentences]

Did so!" Marth called out from somewhere. The two ignored the mysterious yell
[Fire Emblem? Not original? Perish the thought!]

Chapter 3
be an easy pie
[easy as pie?]

push her down the fifth floor
[out the fifth floor window?]

giving them a small fabric of his face
[Faces do not have fabric. Skin yes, and perhaps fabric is worn over the faces (normally by women, particularly in South Asia)]

soldier said, "…"
[That’s not saying anything, that’s the author forgetting to use descriptive narrative or fill in the dialog]

dramatic wind from behind showing a lot of skin on her body
[What? Dramatic wind normally blows crossways or onwards so the hair doesn’t cover the model]

You lost faith on Grado pretty quickly
[“in”, but otherwise funny. So much for her devotion to Lyon and friendship with Grado]

Only normal and weird names are acceptable in our universe
[That seems to cover everything]

Back on reality
[Reality? This! Is! Magvel!]

I've strong armor than
[stronger]

I'm getting the feeling that I'm turning emo at the end of this story of war and massive loss
[A piece of me thinks I shouldn’t be laughing at that. The rest is tying that one up and laughing so hard I’m crying]

The fate provides
[gate]

next man seemed to
[‘seemed to’ is unnecessary wordiness. Why runon with comedy when you can make the joke in a couple fewer words?]

Granted (for her), she dodged the blow
[You describe her attacking, then dodging. You never said he attacked]

let me get capture
[captured]

I wouldn't be surprised if he was alive
[That boy has plot armour to put a battleship to shame]

defying all physic laws
[physical laws]

Hayden received them with open arms. For a second, he thought the women outside got them
[You find the strangest places to insert odd-yet-not-non-sequitur humour]

Eirika fumed. "I hate how gossip spreads faster than light itself
[But light travels faster than sound. That’s why people look smart until they open their mouths]

Gilliam was particularly deep-shit scared of Rapiers that he ran away
[I had to read this sentence a couple of times]

Moulder grinned under his epic moustache and said nothing
[He’ll just jump-stomp any enemies that threaten him]

Chapter 4
but their IQ quotient
[Repetition]

divided in four, divided by
[A bit repetitious]

without detailed explanation
[Who needs ‘details’ with that kind of stomping power?]

as it had lagged behind over the ground
[his shoulder lagged behind? You’re subject jumping, making the ‘what’ of the sentence unclear]

gameplay mechanics that left him weaker than a Fighter unit
[Like being a lower tier unit?]

"…" Vanessa then
[Empty ellipsis. Either add real dialog or drop it and let the narrative do the describing]

so I give him
[I can?]

more than a square far away
[I’d’ve just said ‘a square away’]

Those two were the only natural users
[natural axe?]

whisked him away from me," he said. Vanessa…glared at Ross…"That sounded so wrong from a perspective!"
[Does Vanessa speak? Your voice varies and the paragraph is unclear]

"Like, I, like, now
[know?]

Chapter 5
thief who SHE gave
[whom, as it’s referring to the object of the sentence]

*Has unnatural blue hair
[With all the people in Magvel who have green, red, and blue hair? I’m starting to think brown is the unusual one]

was smart when he had to
[to be?]

We're dying of suspense
[I thought this was funny until it was repeated less than 5 words later]

citizen of Renais, yet you don't know your OWN princess
[I wouldn’t be surprised if lots of them didn’t even know which country they were a part of]

face!" Ross shivered
[Source Mixing: when you break to a new character, you need to break to a new paragraph]

How a bow could do such damage
[It worked for Sun Shangxiang in Dynasty Warriors 6]

like every non-affiliated thief appears
[that appears? Or was ‘appears suddenly’ a mistake?]

sniffed manly
[manly tears?]

soon-to-be sexy bishop
[Really? I thought he was better as a Sage]

Eirika responded with a Critical Hit'd him twice
[I could understand either “responded with a critical hit” or “critical hit him twice”, but trying to combine them only makes an awkward sentence?]

We see where we end up
[The same gag could be used on the protagonists]

where Emperor Vigarde and his loyal son Lyon
[With would’ve been fine, but ‘where’ then begs a verb to be done at the place. “held audience” or something]

Chapter 6
band was now approaching
[“band approached” would be more concise. Concise looks better]

Seth had told her
[“had verb” is unnecessarily wordy. Just ‘Seth told’ would’ve gotten the point across]

Moulder wisely said and mentally cursed
[More adverbs, all around…]

A monk
[…has appeared. Everybody break out the nets, it’s time to catch a new one]

Soren noted from afar while Ike hit his head against a tree
[Sometimes references to outside later FE games are awkward. Then they’re hilarious ones like this]

The last thing I want is join an even bigger group full of more retards
[Makes one wonder why he came back at all]

honor of banishment at my blessed hands
[Even though she isn’t promoted to valkyrie (or mage knight) until well after she joins. That never made sense to me]

brainless head." Dozla
[Source Mixing]

Please review, or else Lute shall turn into the main character of this thing.
[This must be why everybody stopped reviewing. Lute is an awesome character]

Chapter 7
child bent of getting
[on?]

only excuse of being important to the plot
[And it not being spoken of again until Knoll]

Eirika asked. Franz held
[Source Mixing]

Natasha had met
[hadverb]

hoping I wouldn't
[I hope this meant “he”]

where Natasha had
[hadverb]

"…" Seth looked
[I don’t get the use of empty ellipses. You’ve got description right next to it anyway]

impossible that Critical Hit looked
[A hell of a lot better than the gamecube FE games]

all that keep evil at bay!"
"Hello? Chapter 4?" Artur said
[Ha]

Eirika sighed, please
[I don’t understand the please]

A pity this wasn’t finished. There are a few points of weak phrasing and Source Mixing, but as others have said: this is comedy gold.
Darkbeast42 chapter 5 . 4/24
He has the falling eyeball disease? That sucks. I had it when I was five and it took me a week to get over it. Oh and I believe the proper name for the disease is Oculus Cadens disease.
Guest chapter 5 . 3/31
Vigarde's Head falling down was the MOST FUNNIEST THING IN FAN-FICTION YOU,Hope you write amny fanfics such as this
Guest chapter 7 . 12/14/2014
This is just so damn hilarious, but WHERES THE NEXT CHAPTER
Lexida The Tactician chapter 7 . 12/10/2014
hihi! First time reviewing, so not really sure how to do it, but...
1. The characters using the "R Button" Info is quite an interesting idea
did Saleh pop up earlier if they already recognised him?
3. Yes, the men/women in villages can be annoying. VERY annoying.
do the bonus chapter! If Orson gets revealed earlier to b a traitor... hehehe...

Great chapter! keep up the good work!

Lexida
BWAHAHAHA chapter 7 . 11/26/2014
HOLY SHIT THIS IS COMEDY GOLD, BWWAHAHAHHAA IM STILL LAUGHING BWAAHA
Captain Falcon chapter 6 . 2/9/2014
Awesome job! Will you continue with this work? It's been a while since you've updated, but it would be a shame to see this go.
Waiting for more chapter 6 . 12/30/2013
Are you ever going to continue this? This is well written.

-ElementUchihaMaster
Aleaster chapter 7 . 8/2/2013
It's amazing how an entire army of supposedly normal people can suddenly turn into a cabal of murderers and rapists. I mean, Grado and renais were friends for so long, surely their soldiers weren't so different, ones a peace keeping bunch of pacifists, the other likes to kill defenseless members of the cloth. It's like Daein, but the people of Daein were redeemed a bit in radiant dawn, which makes the whole "Daeins are monsters" subtext in path of rafiance kind of contradictatory.
Aleaster chapter 5 . 8/2/2013
If neimi really wanted to be important... She should grow silver hair! Everyone knows that silver hair is the hallmark of incredible plot powers and unfortunate required characterness!
Aleaster chapter 4 . 8/2/2013
Vanessa... Why?
Aleaster chapter 3 . 8/2/2013
Rapier... Rapist... I feel like there's some kind of subliminal messaging going on about our fe lords... Also, Ephraim is so badass. Takes Remvall, takes Grado, and can actually survive a battle without a paladin standing next to him and looking menacing. Also, lol franz the fanboy!
Aleaster chapter 2 . 8/1/2013
Technically, elincia did. Also, I don't reall understand why fado just sat on his throne and took it. I mean really, this isn't mlp! Friendship is not magic! Magic is magic! And its used to Kill things!
Aleaster chapter 1 . 8/1/2013
Rausten is already ruled by flonne. What are you yakking about?
Surrealijah chapter 7 . 1/4/2013
hah, not until I have reread this chapter did i notice the slight clue of Tethys!

Update alreaddddddddddy!
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