Reviews for Prelude
LadyTaiyo chapter 1 . 10/21/2012
While I find some of your dialogue clever, such as making the connection to Hepzibah Smith's murder, I have to question your grasp of Voldemort's character...You've portrayed him as a far more pleasant presence than cannon would indicate by having him do things such as lie about the quality of the food or make jokes...And you've made him distractible by showing him being so constant pre-occupied by Bellatrix's appearance that he can hardly make it through a thought without noticing her...You might look back through the books to find examples of his behavior in a given situation so you don't lose track of the personality he has been demonstrated to have...My advice would be when in doubt stick to cannon...
Romi chapter 18 . 9/18/2012
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaa Updates the story !
Diamondgirl3 chapter 18 . 9/18/2012
Oh so that's why narrsisa will name her baby Draco, but niw I'm sad;(
Gray Doll chapter 17 . 8/25/2012
I enjoyed reading this last chapter. There is a huge improvement there, you can see it, especially if you read the series all in once. There's spacing, no obvious mistakes, and the characterization itself is much, much better. I really do think everyone is a lot more in character in this chapter than the other ones. I'm really glad to see how much it improved -I hoped I helped a little bit with that, as well :) It was great talking to you about this story. Anyway, as I mentioned before, this chapter was good. So Bella is having a labour earlier than expected? I hope everything goes fine with her...
Diamondgirl3 chapter 17 . 8/24/2012
Voldy voldy voldy, when will you ever be nice to Bella. Well I guess that would be neve, but she might die! I hope she doesn't die!
Guest chapter 17 . 8/24/2012
OMG BELLA'S HAVING THE BABY!
Guest chapter 17 . 8/24/2012
Amazing! Please update soon
megbricks chapter 16 . 8/20/2012
So good! I can't wait for a chapter update!
Diamondgirl3 chapter 16 . 8/16/2012
What's happening!
Mrs Bella Riddle chapter 9 . 8/15/2012
I tried reading this fic, but this is honestly as far as I can go. I appreciate the fact that you have tried LV's pov which is notoriously difficult. I also appreciate the idea that you did try to not have LV fall in love.

However, there are a number of issues and, since a review it meant to be about getting a writer to improve I should mention them. Firstly it needs to be double space. It is painful to read and spacing it out will help your readers. There are also a few grammatical issues and problems where some words should be capitalised, but that is not my area of speciality, but it is something you can improve on.

My biggest issue with this fic is characterisation. Bella seems strange. She goes from being disgusted with LV and almost being rapped (which would impact her but it is not touched on) to throwing herself at him. She would not wear muggle clothes. Pureblood wizards wear robes and there is no way Bellatrix would wear shorts. I know it can be more sexy and easy to explain since that is what we wear, but it is incorrect. As well, remember Bella is from a British aristocratic family. She does not speak like a muggle teenager from the 90s. Try to keep that in mind because her dialogue is shaky at best. Her using the phrase "numb bum" is ridiculous.

Now, onto LV. As I said I appreciate some matters to do with his character. His encounter with the prostitute is a good reflection of his cruelty but also showing he is a man with desires. However, other issues are problematic. The first chapter starts the spiral when, after only meeting her once he is already declaring that "was he beginning to feel for this girl, something more powerful than mere lust?". After one meeting? How many people really fall in love after such a short meeting and, those who do, are they really the type like LV who hate love, have never loved anyone and are arrogant, cruel and never open up to others? It does not work. Moreover, please remember the golden rule- LV does not love. JKR has told us this time and time again and it is stated numerous times in the book. While you have not crossed this threshold at this point you are heading into dangerous waters.

A few more issues is that LV is an incredibly private person. He works on his own. He does not get help from others. He does not trust. He does not have friends. He would never admit his weakness to others. If he wants Bella he would have her, end of story. He would not fool around with Dolohov nor would he admit his weakness to the man despite the fact they have known each other for a while. Moreover, LV would not suddenly trust his precious hrocrux to a girl he hardly knows. It is not logical. In the end but, when he just met her, no way. Handing out Quidditch tickets is equally unrealistic. If he wants people out of the house he would just tell them to. He is the Dark Lord remember. Finally the fight scene was so ridiculous. He would Crucio Rodolphus and no one would ever stop him.

I hope you are the type of author who believes they can improve and takes this review as constrictive criticism. As well, you need to calm down on your advertising. It is one thing to post your chapter when you update on tumblr, but doing it multiple times a day is ridiculous and incredibly frustrating. Please tone it down. Once a week is fine. You are starting to annoy people.

Thank you
Guest chapter 15 . 8/14/2012
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooo WTF ?!
Rowena chapter 5 . 8/14/2012
I like this, except I think Voldemort would still look like Tom Riddle. Just my opinion. Anyway, loved it.
Diamondgirl3 chapter 14 . 8/12/2012
It's that roldofses!
AssortedFudge chapter 13 . 8/12/2012
Oops! Stupid iPod. -closing ceremony for the Olympics (how awful is it?!) and it's a good story:) sorry for the half finished review!
AssortedFudge chapter 14 . 8/12/2012
I'm reading this instead if watching the cl
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