Reviews for The Place of White and Gold
Radio Free Death chapter 2 . 8/15/2013
The second part where the dialogue was formatted in script format for some reason is not allowed on site rules, and there doesn't seem to be any stylistic reason to format dialogue that way.

It's...a bit hard to follow. I can see that you're trying to add in important details in a believable way without flat-out telling the audience, but you need to also try to ease the reader into this new world you've created. It's not a good idea to just suddenly drop down on intrigue without at first adding something about the world so we can at least see the players, setting, something.

I hope this helped!
Radio Free Death chapter 1 . 8/15/2013
Huh, this isn't a bad idea. I really liked the summary. I hope you don't mind some pointers:

[Our large living buildings are now Sectors, a Representative for each, a function for each, almost like a district in Panem.]

Yeah, it does feel like a mini-Panem. At first I thought this was Panem in the future and how much it's changed, but it seems that Fourteen was around and somehow nobody knew of its existence and it's treated like a mini-Thirteen. I don't see why they're ignorant, unless the districts were established a long time ago and disasters and wars have whittled down the districts to the current setting.

Anyway, I liked that the sectors were broad enough to incorporate a wide range of things as opposed to the drastically limited canon version. The prologue isn't much of a hook though, just a bit of infodumping about the world that, again, feels just like Panem only smaller. It does have me interested though! Looking forward to reading the rest.
jumps chapter 14 . 8/3/2013
The end, or is it?
Jumps chapter 13 . 7/26/2013
so sad...
Jumps chapter 12 . 7/14/2013
Politics are never easy. Not sure who Justice reminds me of? I appreciate the work you did getting the electoral votes just right. Glad you didn't make it a cliffhanger!
Amata le Fay chapter 8 . 2/2/2013
Eep. I mean, nicely done. Great chapter.

I like Jack's public-speaking phobia-it humanizes him, at least a little bit. Makes his announcement about taking pride in the Games far more shocking and sort of betraying as well. Oh, dear. Jack is going down *that* path. The emotionally-suppressed sociopath path. Lovely...

In a stark contrast to Jack... Deneb is so adorable and sweet and sad, with no place to fit in... At least he has Justice. This was the first time I felt I really got to know them as a couple, but now that I know them, I definitely like them. They definitely seem like they respect and understand each other. Favorite piece of dialogue: "They shouldn't need it."

"But they do," Justice said, exasperated. "It might not be what it should be, but that's the way it is."

"Story of my life, poppet. Story of my life."

"Poppet" adds a nice touch. Though I am partial to fictional characters using pet names. :)

And they're sending spies into the districts! Second half of the story! So exciting! I wonder if those two Two sibling-spies are going to return. Any way you play it will most definitely be interesting. Love the last line of this chapter-a nice closer, and definitely true.
Amata le Fay chapter 7 . 12/27/2012
AAAAAH. THOSE GAMES. They're making me paranoid. The 11 and 12 girls' deaths, the D9 alliance's end-melting out of walls and strangling and bludgeoning and skewering tributes to death-GAH. OH, THE HORROR. The dialogue was especially terrifying.

"No, no! It wasn't supposed to happen like this! Please, please, I don't want to die! Please—!" NOOOOOO!

"That all you got, huh? Really? You Six people, you're pathetic excuses for humans. Your partner didn't put up much of a fight, either. But at least she was fun to kill. I can't even say that for you." WHYYYY?

"Who could look another child straight in the face, and end their life?" The ultimate question of the Hunger Games, forever left unanswered... chilling.

The last line also got to me-D14 was involved in the planning of the Games? That explains *so* much while raising so many questions that my head is spinning. The suspense is terrible. I hope it lasts.
Amata le Fay chapter 6 . 11/24/2012

They know. They know about the Hunger Games.

*Ahem.* Well, then, it seems the big secret of the Capitol is out, not that they were ever trying to keep it a secret. I wonder how this will affect the plans of the conspirators and of District Fourteen at large...

Let the Games begin. (Sorry, couldn't resist.)
Amata le Fay chapter 5 . 11/24/2012
Did I really forget to review this chapter?

Oh, Deneb. You shouldn't have to live in a world like this. Well, at least the conspirators are starting to trust you and let you in on their secrets, though I'm not sure that's going to end well in the long run...

I love a good conspiracy as much as the next one :D Nice job setting the atmosphere-the suspense is terrible. I hope it lasts.
Amata le Fay chapter 4 . 9/3/2012
Ah, finally, some light is shed on people's goals. Jack wants another war with the Capitol, conspirators want alliance with the districts, Capitol wants info on D14. The spy plot was pretty awesome; I like how you developed Leigh and Slade's characters. The part about Leigh looking back at their burning home was heartbreaking.

Great chapter, as always. Eager for more!
jumpsinpuddles chapter 3 . 8/21/2012
Really like Deneb, liked the way you showed history from his pov. Reminds me of someone who just wants to do what she wants! Hope to see more of him. Expect to see more of Justice. Architecture has interested me since Fountainhead - enjoyed that aspect. Time to go watch the movie! (or not :(
Amata le Fay chapter 3 . 8/19/2012
I was working on the next chapter of Survival when I got the alert email for this one. Not as interesting a coincidence as the last one, but still worth mention...

Poor Deneb. He has no idea what he got himself into. I have to admit, I'm still a little confused about the conspiracy (though I suppose you're keeping things secret for a reason), who's in and who's out, and exactly who all the characters are. The oft-mentioned in-progress character profiles might help...

I just noticed the chapter title scheme and I like it. It's also nice to get a sense of how long this is going to be (14 chapters) and what the time frame is. I'm curious about the goals of the conspiracy and this Jack from Sector Two with his new ideas that keeps beating out the conspirators. I haven't really gotten attached to any of the characters, except Deneb and maybe Justice (whom I originally thought was a judge, in the legal sense, before I glanced back at last chapter), but I'm interested to see where this is headed and how it all plays into the main saga.

Also-I'm usually in the east coast time zone, but now (for two weeks) my family's in Seattle, so one of my many random thoughts was, "Hey, I'm an hour behind Hannah now, instead of two hours ahead. That means I'll get to read the chapters at eight that usually show up in my inbox at twelve at night!"

Great chapter, as always. Off to go look at the website again!
jumpsinpuddles chapter 2 . 7/30/2012
Let me start by saying the trailer was great! I like the group of conspirators. Good that they did not succeed in joining/infiltrating the government on first try. Nice transition for skipping seven years. Sounds like some foreshadowing for an epidemic - not sure if their concerns implied there was one already? You used their full names at the end of chapter, so wondering if that means they will be in future chapters, or if you will keep skipping 7 years? Not sure how old they are now, though guessing they are older teens. Can't wait for next chapter!
AlicediAngeloDaughterofHades chapter 2 . 7/30/2012
Love it
Amata le Fay chapter 2 . 7/29/2012
This was a little confusing, to be honest-maybe it's just me-but what I did get out of it is very intriguing... So basically (tell me if I'm wrong) there's a conspiracy inside Fourteen spying on the Representatives and trying and failing to run for office? Rebellions against rebellions against rebellions... Cool. I want to know why they're rebelling and what they're planning.

By the way, the trailer was awesome. I left a comment with my thoughts about that on the site.

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