|Reviews for Heart Of the Moon|
| ChronicBong chapter 4 . 8/18/2013
Pretty good read so far although i am a bit worried that this is going to turn into a twilightesk story...really hope it doesnt as ive been enjoyin it so far.
| Midnight Wild Shadow Cat chapter 4 . 7/10/2013
Brilliant! Can't wait to read more!
| Midnight Wild Shadow Cat chapter 3 . 7/10/2013
I like how you give attention to both Lucc and the girl's view!
| Midnight Wild Shadow Cat chapter 2 . 7/10/2013
Great chapter! Still loving it - more actually!
| Midnight Wild Shadow Cat chapter 1 . 7/10/2013
Really well writen so far, I like where this is goin!
| Maki Hatayama chapter 4 . 7/14/2012
'Racing' not 'raceing'. 'Whelp' not 'welp'. The characters are adapting to this situation very quickly. 'Dripping' not 'brippeng'. 'Ragged' not 'ragad'.
Same as I said in the last three reviews. Good writing to you!
| Maki Hatayama chapter 3 . 7/14/2012
'Came' is missing the 'e' near the beginning. 'Off' not 'of'. Konstintine? Were you, by chance, going for 'Constantine'? 'Enthralled' not 'inthralled'. 'Was Julius be his father?' needs fixing. 'Believe' not 'beleive'. 'Leaving' not 'leaveing'. 'Known' not 'knew' in that context. Another unannounced POV change. 'Peeked' not 'peaked'. 'Had' not 'has' in that context. 'Hiding' not 'hideing'. 'Behind' not 'behinde'. 'Hear' not 'here' in that context.
Alright, as I said in the last two reviews, it's not a bad story. The characters just need better depth, and I need a better picture of them and their surroundings. So, work on that, and you're story will be blowing minds all over the globe!
| Maki Hatayama chapter 2 . 7/14/2012
It's 'reek' not 'reak'. 'Examining' not 'examineing'. You might specify whether this man is standing 6 'inches' tall or 6 'feet' tall. You have a 'like' put down as 'liked'. 'Appearance' not 'apperance'. 'Speaking' not 'speacking'. 'Readied' not 'redied'. You should let the reader know when there's going to be a POV switch. 'Where' not 'were'.
Sonna seems nice, but, once more, she needs depth. Deeper thoughts and feelings. It's not just what the characters are doing that's important. Outside is difficult to do. I know. I struggle with it myself, and it's very bad to forget what's going on around the character. But, if nothing goes on inside the character, things can get just as bad.
Now, I can't really see where they are as I'm reading this. Try drawing a better picture (with words) for me, alright?
| Maki Hatayama chapter 1 . 7/14/2012
'Shone' not 'shined. You missed an apostrophe in 'seven o'clock'. You have missed a 'C' at the beginning of 'clock'. 'Incredible' not 'incredable' despite how it sounds when spoken. 'Different' not 'differant'.
All of this seems a bit rushed. You might better explain who Lucc is before you get to talking about his powers, and try to get into what he's thinking about during the classes he's awake for. For example, is he thinking about how he can help his mother? Is he thinking of ways to ditch school? Is he thinking of how he might avoid certain situations? Is he yearning for this girl he's met?
I'm not saying you need to tell me every little thing he does. As a matter of fact, I'm kind of asking the opposite. A character is more than someone who 'does stuff'. There should be thinking and feeling going on with this guy. If no one gets his thoughts or feelings, how can they grow attached to the character and keep reading to learn his story?
I'm not saying any of this to be mean. I am a constructive critic. I give criticism to help people as needed. It's a good story, I'll say that much. It just needs a bit of editing.