|Reviews for Out of Body|
| PokemonKeybladeAlchemistXIII chapter 15 . 3/4/2014
This honestly felt like watching a Disney movie...huh, makes sense I guess, one of the best story I have read. :)
| 3141Molly chapter 15 . 12/23/2013
I don't know why, but it seems that this fic has the...what is the right word...harbor-feel. Yeah, that's the word. I enjoyed reading this, and laughed everytime Roxas had..ahem, unique guess about Sora's problem. I supposed that's why the genre is supernatural/humor up there. The feel of perpetual night there (even though there are some day scenes there) is what makes this fic different than the other.
Anyway, enough with my lenghty review, sorry for bad english.
| Kaori-chan-nyan chapter 15 . 6/15/2013
I was a ticked off at my little brother because he interrupted me while I was reading the part where Xemnas was giving Sora and Riku the two options they had. That's how hooked I was. Anyway... I loved how you designed the personalities of all the characters it was extreme, yet fitting at the same time (especially Roxas). This was most definitely one of the best AU stories of Kingdom Hearts I have ever read :)
| Sunriseonmymind chapter 1 . 1/18/2013
Y'know, you almost had me scared when you said that "Consequences" was the only work you would consider up to your standards. I know I've only read the first chapter, but I can already tell by your characterization of Riku alone that I'm going to enjoy it. I don't read RiSo terribly often, and generally prefer them as the side dish to AkuRoku. I don't know why, I just think Axel and Roxas's characters are a little more dynamic, and I'm a sucker for a good love-hate, which isn't particularly popular with RiSo. But once again your characterization is more than enough to push any doubts out of my mind. I'm super excited to see where this goes; I've read a few "ghost" fics, but have never really seen the idea done as well as it could be.
I also love that you stuck with "munny." I'm a sucker for the little things. :D One quick note: In the third to last paragraph, you wrote "clean out the sink to both demonstrate his appreciation for the hospitality and his rebellious side," with the both before the main verb, but I think what you're actually trying to couple is his appreciation and his rebellious side, and putting the verb after demonstrate ("clean out the sink to demonstrate both his appreciation for the hospitality and his rebellious side") would put the emphasis in the right place, I think.
| animeXIII chapter 15 . 12/7/2012
Great story. Thanks for writing this. I have to admit I found how you wrote Roxas in thsi fic amusing. And over all it was awesome!
| Empress Nightshade chapter 2 . 11/18/2012
"Kairi and Roxas, who had addressed him, "
-I think you need to make it clearer who is talking to Sora at the very beginning. The floating dialogue is confusing, especially because Sora was talking to Riku in the last chapter. I thought it was Riku until you stated otherwise.
-It's very ironic that Riku likes the harbor, which is by the ocean, when he wanted nothing more than to escape Destiny Islands.
-Also, I know this is AU, but it's curious as to how Roxas is functioning separately from Sora.
-Lastly, you description is good. Especially your voice for Sora and Riku. You really capture both very within the context of the story you created.
| Edhla chapter 2 . 11/10/2012
I love that you've opened with dialogue, it's a very interesting lead-in to the chapter and piqued MY interest. Minor issue: although the lines "Because you've been scrubbing at that spot on the table for nearly ten minutes, and the varnish is starting to come off" and "Also your face kind of gives you away" turn out to have been said by two different people, when you first read them it seems as if it's the same person, and that there's two different sets of speech marks for no reason.
I'm not sure how you'd get around it, though.
I love how you've illustrated Sora's not-bad-mood with action, rather than just taking the easy way out and stating it. Love, love, love.
On reading further, all of your dialogue is really quite fantastic. You've got a great hold on character and as the chapter progresses I can tell which character is speaking without you having to resort to "x said" all the time to tell me. Brilliant.
This part is excellent, particularly the way you've chosen to phrase and format:
Riku struggled with this one, since he was pretty sure that Seifer and he were too close in age for him to be calling Riku kid and Riku wasn't really in the business of losing fights either.
He told him as much.
Seifer got angry.
Riku was pleased.
I could probably keep on quoting parts that I loved, but we've be here all day :p Suffice it to say that this fic is great, and I'm really enjoying reading it despite knowing- nothing-zip-zero-nada about the fandom. Well done :)
| darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 11/7/2012
Okay, I did play Kingdom Hearts many moons ago...and I must not have played very far because I remember Sora, but I don't know who Riku was (save for that he's a friend/enemy of Sora's). I do love how you establish their relationship, not only in the present, but also in the past as well. I love how they seem to make up a bit while Sora is tending to Riku's arm. And now I get the reason for the chapter title. So I think the premise of this story, the Riku's fighting and the trouble it gets him into and what happens to him is very intriguing. I totally love stories like this, ones that delve into the supernatural. And I really am curious to see what you do with this.
For critique: over protective-overprotective is one word. Also, I noticed a lot of missing punctuation, mainly commas when another character is addressing another. Example: Yes, Sora, not Yes Sora.
Overall, well done. I think you have some really strong characterizations here. I'd love to read more. :)
| Justice333 chapter 15 . 11/6/2012
Stupid phone cut me off. -_-
Anyway, Seifer's actions in this chapter really surprised me. Very intriguing...though of course, he sort of lost my respect when discussing what he would give up...poor Rai, you have a lousy friend. :(
Ha ha, I understand why Axel laughed at that particular point. Seifer's behavior was borderline ridiculous...but I appreciate his efforts.
May I say that it was slightly creepy at the part where Sora smiles after...you know who grabs his ankle (I'm trying not to spoil anyone, ha).
As for the ending I enjoyed it, though I was kind of disappointed that certain behaviors continued despite their role in the whole fiasco.
But overall, nicely done. I can safely say this is some of the best gramar and word play of any author in this fandom. Definitely one of the best ghost stories I've ever read.
May I say it's pretty interesting to see this story attract so many non-KH fans? It's awesome that your work can stand as it's own piece.
| Justice Tokidoki chapter 15 . 11/6/2012
I can't believe the story is over, no! DX
Darn it! Welp, time to review the last *sniff* chapter before I reveal my final thoughts.
Endings tend to be pretty challenging, so I aplaud you for reaching this pivotal point that's a major stepping stone for all stories. :)
First off, the heartfelt confessions were pretty touching.
| Username-not-taken chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
First off, i'n not familiar with the fandom, so i don't know the backstories of any of the characters. I thought this was quite a good begin to the story.
The first section was quite eerie, yet entreating. I do think that you overused commas in several places in the fic, where you could have finished the sentence, or just not added it. This would allow some sentences to flow better. Other than that, the grammar was good.
My favourite part of this chapter of the fic was when he compared his bruises to an art project of a third grader. That genuinely made me laugh out loud. I also appreciated the AN at the end, as i was quite confused when I first read 'Munny'. Overall I felt that this was a pretty good start to the story, despite the fact that i don't know the characters.
| persevera chapter 1 . 11/3/2012
I liked Riku's musings on how his moving a crate would look to someone.
[to a nearby stack of the crates and attempted to pick up one up]-Which up will you remove? I say the second one.
Sora's TLC, minus the T&L is amusing.
[stiff legs and hissing joints]-Great phrase.
[turned on the water, striped and waited for it to heat]-Spellcheck again on stripped.
Riku's life sounds pretty miserable. Is there more to his death than just the worst outcome to another fight?
| Don't Mess With Aria chapter 1 . 11/2/2012
Your description is excellent. Vivid. Detailed. (Also, gross, but that has more to do with the topic, you know :P)
I think "patch-up" prefers to be hyphenated.
"He had more than enough punching..." I believe "had had" is accurate in this instance, but I know that sounds awkward. Perhaps "had gotten," "had experienced." Something like that, for the verb tense to come through clearly.
These characters have such an interesting dynamic. I want to read more, to find out why Sora's so cranky, but doesn't hesitate to help.
I like the repetition there of welcome/welcome/welcome; almost makes your prose into poetry. Very nice.
"Smell like... bad decisions." -clever
Cataloging fingerprints seems a little excessive, Sora.
I like this piece. You have a more formal style than I usually prefer, but it fits the story so far and you wield it beautifully. Description, grammar, word choice, all excellent.
| Sierraoscar154 chapter 1 . 11/1/2012
Don't know much about Kingdom Hearts, but I digress. Riku reminds me of alot of characters who just like to get into a fight and slug it out. Almost like an Orc in Warhammer 40k, but again, digressing from topic. A bear wrestling club. That sounds just terrifyingly awesome, and from how you describe Riku, that's right up his alley.
The chemistry between Riku and Sora was also really well done as well, considering how this is just the first chapter, they're opposite of each other, but Sora cares for Riku...in her own special way, I guess.
Overall, a good start.
| Edhla chapter 1 . 11/1/2012
Initial warning: I know next to nothing about Kingdom Hearts.
Initial thought: "sinks your ship of happiness" is hilarious and I love it and I am going to steal it. :D
Overall impression: you, ma'am, can write.
I love that you use chapter titles. I don't bother and I really should, because they DO add to the fic- well, yours add to YOUR fic, anyway. The first line is an excellent hook and draws you in without being... a shameless hook :p You know the type, I'm sure. "HE WAS DEAD. Oh wait he wasn't." :p
Your humour is right up my alley- so dry you'll need a glass of water. Bear wrestling club, and the extracted comics. Excellent. This is the sort of thing that gets me in and keeps me in, regardless of the fandom. That anticipation of reading something really clever, and really funny.
And as if this wasn't as frustrating enough for me ( ;) ) you've also got an eye for remarkable details. This is perhaps my favourite:
"the bread looked sad, as its back was dark, and its front was soggy with cold butter."
I am currently feeling jealous. Definitely keeping up with this, as I really like the way it's written.